SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: 11 months down, 1 to go
Yakamishi
Member
Member # 38230
Concerned  Posted: 7:59 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

11 months since D day. 1 month till anti-versary. And I'll be honest....NOT looking forward to it. Almost as if the triggering of that day will ruin all the progress WW and I have made.

Any suggestions on how to "survive" the day?


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
AStar
Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Claim it back. Claim it for yourself. Do something either for you or with your W to claim back that day.
I had a negative anniversary not relating to infidelity and on that day one year later, I did a spiritual cleansing ceremony just for me. It does help to do something symbolic to claim back what rightfully should not be a negative day.
Good luck to you and your wife.


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Yakamishi, I just went through my first antiversary, and like you, I was dreading it.

My first piece of advice is to schedule something for yourself that you will enjoy. I had an hour-long aromatherapy massage. Ahhhhh.

Unexpectedly, though, I woke up that morning in an optimistic mood. I thought more about the good things that had happened in the last year rather than the devastation I felt on D-Day.

FWH and I had a conversation that was partly painful and partly uplifting. Even though we still have issues to work out regarding the past, I found that looking towards the future helped.

I will add that FWH is remorseful and has been fully NC, and our relationship is better than it's been for quite a while. If that were not the case, focusing on the positive would not have been possible.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 403 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

For me, the anticipation building up to the one year mark was way worse than the actual day itself. Once the day came, it really felt anticlimactic. I triggered a couple of times, but certain thoughts would get me through the day, like, "This day sure as hell is a lot better than it was last year.", or "One year down of knowing the truth.", or "All the pain I went through in year one is done and gone, time to move forward."

It also felt good to move forward from counting the days since d-day in months. Now I had that bigger chunk behind me.

So for me, it wasn't anything really special I did for myself, it was more mental exercises that got me through.

Good luck and take care.


Posts: 7481 | Registered: Dec 2010
musiclovingmom
Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

I agree with Losfer Words. The build up was WAY worse than the actual day. I took my son for an EKG that day and then we started a vacation (adults only) by having dinner with my parents and dancing with some friends. My anniversary, 3 days later, was a much harder day to get through.

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Jan 2013
IGaveItMyAll
Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

I was so worried like that day was going to be terrible. I set it up and expected it to be bad. Mostly I was thankful that I wasn't in the same spot that time last year. I reflected on what I learned about myself in that year. I think I psyched myself out leading up to it.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
SmallButStrong
Member
Member # 40128
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

I've planned a weekend road trip with my sister, who has been a huge source of support for me. I'm putting the whole weekend on a credit card so we can stay in a nice hotel and have some spa treatments!

You and I have the same D-Day (which falls on a Sunday), so maybe get out of town with a friend?


Me: BW
Him: WH
Married 13 years at time of D-Day, 2 small children
D-day 1: 8/16/12 (told it was EA only)
D-day 2: 9/22/12 (the OW confessed to the truth and exposed the PA)
12 month affair, 10 months PA
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2013
Yakamishi
Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Thanks folks.

SBS, funny, I read your post and when you said or D day lands on a Sunday, immediately thought.."No! It was a Saturday! And it was pouring rain.I remember it clearly." Heh, then I realized you were talking about the upcoming 22ND. Lol.

Funny how things stick to ya.

Thanks for the ideas and encouragement all.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 8