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User Topic: How do you schedule time for yourself?
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Helpless  Posted: 11:41 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

I need my introvert time. Between a small home with too many people, carpooling, and cubicle life I just canít find the time or space to be on my own. I used to go to the gym after work, but now that Iím carpooling even thatís a challenge.

I'm getting cranky. While it works wonderfully to repel people for a bit, I'd rather just be left alone from time to time than turn into a fire breathing dragon. Is there a a polite way to tell people to just go do something and leave me alone?


Posts: 3327 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

Who do you need to tell to go away? SO? Roommates? Coworkers?

I tend to be the one to leave. Much easier because I live alone, but on bad days at work, I walk down half a mile to a fountain park in the neighborhood and just sit on a bench for 20 minutes and recharge a bit.

I find headphones help a lot. School makes me stabby sometimes, going straight to class from work, especially when I'm stressed and over busy and don't have downtime, so I'll just put in headphones and let people think I'm listening to music (I'm often not) and ignore everyone.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13657 | Registered: Jul 2011
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, August 23rd (Friday)

School makes me stabby sometimes,

In my head, Ama now has knives in each hand..."Back off, you bitches!"


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4107 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

After I have had my kids for sometimes 3 weeks straight...I hire a sitter and simply leave the house. Go to Target with a SBux in hand and simply wander around. I don't make eye contact with anyone. I just...zone and recharge.

Oddly, when my kids are gone for a week...I hang out at SBux to study so I'm around people. I still don't interact, but too much quiet can get me too.

I just find my balance.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4107 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

One of my friends actually put a plastic butter knife in my birthday card because I say stabby so much


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13657 | Registered: Jul 2011
stillstrong
Member
Member # 36144
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

School makes me stabby sometimes,

Does this mean you're a fan of the Bloggess? I love her.
Crescita, I don't know how old the other people in your small house are, but sometimes I just tell my DS16 that I need to just veg, and I close my bedroom door. I have always needed quiet time, so he understands. When MIL lived with us, sometimes I used the "running errands" line and went to a park to read just to get away from her. (she never went out so I was never home alone, and couldn't take it)


Me BS 47
Him WS 51
DDay LTA Feb 21, 2006
R until DDay 2EA's 1/31/12 ONS 2/5/12 Broken NC 7/12/12
Moved out 9/12
Legally Separated 3/13


Posts: 848 | Registered: Jul 2012
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Who do you need to tell to go away? SO? Roommates? Coworkers?

Any of the above will do.

Moving in with my SO was a huge adjustment because he is home so much. I started going to the gym, found my bliss again, but then my sister moved in with us, and I can't get away from her! Even at the gym she is checking in with me every 15-30 minutes to see if Iím ready to go.

Iím not a big fan of the new neighborhood, trying not to spend money so stores are bad for me right now. Maybe I need to find a gym thatís closer to home than work.


Posts: 3327 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, August 23rd (Friday)


Crescita, I don't know how old the other people in your small house are, but sometimes I just tell my DS16 that I need to just veg, and I close my bedroom door. I have always needed quiet time, so he understands. When MIL lived with us, sometimes I used the "running errands" line and went to a park to read just to get away from her. (she never went out so I was never home alone, and couldn't take it)

They are both about my age, 30ish. They should get it and not take offense. I should probably try this.


Posts: 3327 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Okay, so I know that living with SO is new, but you have lived with your sister before. What has changed that she's driving you crazy now but didn't before? Or is it just the combo of the two of them?

[This message edited by Amazonia at 12:33 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13657 | Registered: Jul 2011
nutmegkitty
Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Yes, sometimes you have to say "Crescita needs some alone time. Go do X (eat candy, watch tv, whatever will occupy people) for 30 minutes. Do not disturb me or the 30 minute clock resets."

I have to do this with my kids sometimes.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2582 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

What has changed that she's driving you crazy now but didn't before?

It's the neighborhood. It's not pedestrian friendly and she doesn't drive. Not fun for her either. We are working on her license but it is a slow and painful process, and even then, she is talking about not being able to afford a car

I feel I can't get my independence back until she gets hers. I know that's not the way it works, I'm being an enabler and need to work on that. I just started reading Codependent No More. Slow going I really do need to lock myself in the room and put up a "do not disturb sign." Hopefully that helps me work through some of the guilt and feeling responsible for other's poor choices.


Posts: 3327 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Window shopping, Cresc. That's what I do. I just go someplace (preferably a mall) and window shop. Especially Barnes & Noble--I can get a drink, browse through the store and relax for a while.

Yes, there's a chance you might find something you can't live without but self-discipline is a learned art.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19969 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Crescita
Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Yes, there's a chance you might find something you can't live without but self-discipline is a learned art.

Ha yeah I'm still working on that art! I accidentally bought 5 bottles of nail polish yesterday They were on clearance, and one was a gift, and one was just so sparkly I couldn't say no.


Posts: 3327 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
lostmommy
Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

I just go for a drive when life gets to be too much. I drive, park my car, and just sit and relax with a cup of coffee. Maybe take a walk.

I live with my family (parents, brother, his best friend, and J) and it gets to be a very crowded environment every so often.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Your sister needs to find herself a plan for more independence, IMO. This doesn't just sound like you don't have down time, this sounds like she's relying really heavily on you. If her living with you is a long term solution, she needs to either figure out transit or budget for a car - it's not fair to you to be driving her around forever (or even for now!) since it's wearing on you already.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13657 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

For Ama:


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9477 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 16