New Beginnings
User Topic: You know what - it's ok
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

This is what I've started telling myself about the fact that I haven't been ready to date and that that part of my life has not progressed. I honestly would cry a lot when I thought about it. I just always thought my life would always include a partner and it would make me very sad that exWH put me in a position that I never thought I would be in. There is no way to just bounce back from this. I'm changed forever and that is my reality.

But, lately I've been starting to really accept that it's ok. It's ok that I'm not there yet. It's ok that I still have some healing to do and need to take the time to come out of this a stronger, healthier person. It's ok that this stage of my life is filled up with other people and other things, my children being the most important.

I'm not hibernating and I'm slowly doing things to step a bit out of my comfort zone. I still get sad, but i know i would not want to be with him ever again and i dont want to live with a liar. Alone and genuine is much better than together and fooled. I will get there one day, or maybe not. But, it will be ok no matter what. I'm ok.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

I'm starting to think I may need to take more time by myself. I broke up with sperm donor a year and a half ago..... but dating now is just so hard. I'm a single mom and I feel like its 10 times harder now to date than it was before! And, rejection seems to hit me harder too.... I hate it and I'm not used to it. I feel older now....even though I'm only 34....I feel like I've aged since having my daughter...

I need to be okay with me again. I thought I was....but after O.L.D... I'm not so sure anymore.

Good for you for recognizing that you aren't ready. I thought I was....but I'm thinking now maybe I should have waited longer....

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 2:45 PM, August 23rd (Friday)]

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

that's right it is ok and i'm glad you are at a point that you think it is ok too. thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

of course its OK! how many of us have dated too soon? *raising hand* How many of us have tried to fit into preconceived timelines? too many!

date if/when you're ready. dating is not a life requirement!

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, August 23rd (Friday)

Alone and genuine is much better than together and fooled. I will get there one day, or maybe not. But, it will be ok no matter what. I'm ok.

I love this. So, so true.

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2601 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 9280
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, August 25th (Sunday)

(((suckstobeme)))I hear you word for word. I keep telling myself I will get there too, and try to look at the past for what it was and that my life is just different now, and like you it will be ok, no matter what. My healing has been painfully slow, and I have worked very hard at it. I am moving forward, though it may be at a snails pace. Acceptance is good. FR

me: FBW
D-Day May 2005
divorced December 2009

Posts: 136 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: UK
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, August 25th (Sunday)

I'm one who dated way too soon and then took almost two years off from dating when it all blew up. Best decision ever. I'm dipping my toe in a bit and I know if it doesn't work out, I'll be fine because I'm okay with me.

Like hexie said, dating isn't a requirement. Do it if/when you're ready.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15415 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, August 25th (Sunday)

Great post suckstobeme - you are okay and you will get there when you get there.

I go back and forth at times myself. I know I'm getting there because I'm doing so much better with boundaries and recognizing the yellow and red flags, but it's a trial and error process.

I think pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is important, and quite frankly, HARD to do - so kudos.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4614 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 8