Thank you for the hug Chicho and jo2love- just what I needed :)
It all does get better over time. I find ways of avoiding the dark places my mind sometimes wanders and once in a while I wallow there. I would equate my pain level now, 5 years out- to a bad bruise, it is there and it hurts if you push on it but is fine if you leave it alone. I was really hoping that by this time I would have gotten past the affair and have no hurtful memories of it but unfortunately that is not the case for me. My daughter and the ow's daughter are close friends and they play two sports together at the high school level so we see the ow often and I have a lot of triggers. My husband is hurt and dissappointed when I mention the betrayal so I try to keep my moments of hurt and my triggers to myself, they don't last very long. There has not been a day go by since D day that I have not thought about it - although now it is a brief consideration and fleeting feelings of hurt and not a continuous screeching, annoying migraine pain hammering in my heart and in my mind making me feel like I was spiraling out of control like it was for the first two to three years. I remember that pain but I don't feel it anymore which is good.
I have to believe it will continue to get better. I can easily live with this bruise but I hope it fades away one day and I am surprised that I did not realize it was gone.
Hang in there, better moments are in your future!