User Topic: Why does everyone in my life seem to be happily married now?
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, August 26th (Monday)

Almost to the point where they seem to be rubbing my face in it!

I know its just me, and my situation. But it appears all my family and friends are posting happy pictures of them with their spouses, posting sweet messages about how wonderful they are, anniversary notices and "I love my hubby so much!"

And when I go out, I see all those men with their wives and kids running around. And I just want to break down and cry that I have two failed marriages. And I feel I am a good person and don't deserve this.

I'm letting myself wallow in self pity this week. I decided I would give myself just a little pity party.

Then I start my undergraduate program in psychology next month and re-focus on my future. And smile!!

I find if I schedule some time to cry, I don't get caught in that downward spiral.

Just feeling like everyone lately is so dang happily married.

I don't want anyone to have to go through this ever...just feeling like I wasted the last 20 years on the wrong man.

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, August 26th (Monday)

Hi Spell...think of it this way....many of us including myself, thought that we "were" happily married! My WH and I were the poster children for the couple everyone wanted to be....look where it got at SI and in IC trying to sort out what is real and what isn't.

Many couples put on a front for the whole world and in reality their life is not so great. My momma always said " you can never know what is going on behind closed doors"!

Keep smiling and working on you.
((( hugs)))

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 26th (Monday)

I used to think everyones grass was greener. Either they hide it well, which is what I do, or its not their turn yet. One particular couple we know, is 10 years younger. Our H's work together. Same career. I see them now experiencing the exact same symtoms. Just 10 years behind us. I was envious of them. Now I know whats just ahead of them. I already see the bitterness on her face. I see him looking at other women often. I really hate how common this is. It does make me hope we are over the biggest hump.???? She did rub it in my face back when. Her and her friend. They had it all. The friend is D now. ANd she is just starting the fall. Its sad. How much do you hide? Facebook is a brag book. It hides alot.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 973 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 40202
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 26th (Monday)

Interesting. It seems to me that everyone around me is divorced. I'm starting to think that every "Perfect Family" picture has an unknowing BS and yet to be disclosed WW in it. If you look at my FB photos, that's what you'd see.

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya Angelou

Posts: 84 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, August 26th (Monday)

A month before I found out about my husband's affair I wrote in my 20th reunion book that I was a lucky lady to be so happily married. The kicker is the OW proof read it.
Things are not always as they appear!

DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1463 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, August 26th (Monday)

thanks, you all make good points. I did think I was also in a lifelong marriage, especially after we were still together going on 17 years. I figured it was for life and that thought always made me feel happy on the inside.

Yeah, FB is a brag book alright. I know that nobody's life and marriage are perfect. I knew mine wasn't perfect either but I was happy. Or thought I was. Don't know anymore. Sometimes I think WH was always this way and I never wanted to see it.

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, August 26th (Monday)

Sending you comfort, Spelljean. ((((hugs))))

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25834 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 30860
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, September 16th (Monday)

Many couples put on a front for the whole world and in reality their life is not so great. My momma always said " you can never know what is going on behind closed doors"!

I agree

After I was officially D, I actually had a couple of friends tellme that they had been thinking about it also as they are in unhappy marriages. Who knew?!

BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 16th (Monday)

Everybody thinks WH and I have a "perfect life" Shortly after d-day 2 we still got comments from random strangers about what a beautiful, happy family we are. Don't assume anything!
All you know is everyone seems married - the "happily" part is anyone's guess.

D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 342 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, September 16th (Monday)

I am currently where you are. His own family cannot believe we are going through what we are, "out of everyone we thought you two would last forever".

I had to stand up in a wedding as the matron of honor, when in fact I don't believe in marriage anymore, it's just a piece of paper.

I normally do the same as everyone else, say congrats and as I walk away call them fools.

BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Topic Posts: 10