User Topic: I would like to do a Poll,
Member # 31833
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, August 26th (Monday)

If your WS was on Antideppressants at the time of Infidelity, as it was the first time for my ws after 6months he changed really bad, he then cheated, would you say that would conribute to it or an excuse? thanks.

ME:BW42 HIM:WS40 MARRIED19years 2Teens DdayFeb2009.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Australia
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, August 26th (Monday)

My WH was not on antidepressants....I on the other hand have been on the for years and have never felt the need to have an A. My guess would be that if your WS changed for the worse after starting meds, he Watson the wrong drugs. I have seen antidepressants and antipsychotics accentuate symptoms in some people if it is the wrong drug for them.

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, August 26th (Monday)

Each individual drug has its own list of side effects. If you know the drug, look it up. One of the anxiety drugs I am familiar with specially mentions lessened sexual inhibitions and heightened sexual acting out in its warnings.

My H was depressed but not in therapy or on antidepressants at the time of the A. He hid it well, but had very poor coping skills and boundary issues compounded with middle life issues.

[This message edited by Lovedyoumore at 11:21 PM, August 26th (Monday)]

Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.

Posts: 1526 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Yes. I do believe that my husbands AD had a negative affecting him. I dont believe it is a valid excuse, just a piece of a very large puzzle.

Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:15 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Yes he was on AD for the last 10 years of our marriage, but prior to this no. He cheated both on and off the AD.

If you do some research some AD as a side effect, actually inhibit or lower libido.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

WH isn't on AD's...but I am..and I haven't considered cheating..there are a lot of BS's here on SI..who haven't cheated.

I say it's an excuse.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7675 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Certain anti-depressants, Zoloft for example, can induce mania, or hypomania in a person predisposed to bipolar disorder. And while in a state of mania or hypomania, sexual acting out is quite common.

Research the particular drug he was on.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 7:29 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1:
Episode 2:

Posts: 7092 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Member # 31529
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

WH cheated multiple times before being on an SSRI and has cheated multiple times while on one.

For some people antidepressants can be disinhibiting, or bring on a hypomanic or manic episode. For others (much much more often) antidepressants lead to lower libido.

I think it could potentially factor into some instances of fidelity but probably more often, not.

Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: the south
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I'm not buying it. I've been on different AD's off and on since I was 18. I've never gone out and cheated. It is true that some of them change you (Effexor made me really twitchy), but that's why you're monitored by a physician who can change it up (drug or dosage) if it's not working the was you need.

Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner

Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

My fWH was on medication for RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) and the long term use side effects includes a sharp increase in addictive behavior and sexual desire. His IC and his neurologist believe that the medication was a factor in his A...not the reason...just a factor. My fWH, on the other hand, takes full responsibility for his stupidity.

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 407 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I've never been on meds, nor the men in my life, so any comment I have it truly just from thoughts.

I think meds can alter a person's state of mind. It's not a reason why they "do" something, but it may contribute to their desires, how they interpret things, or even how they cope. I don't believe the meds alter their morals or intelligence though.

If one wants to look at the meds as a possible factor, I think you need to look at the infidelity. Was it long term, did they search it out, PA or EA, a ONS, online, etc. If you look at the affects of the meds, they should give you an idea if the affects match the details of the infidelity.

Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.

Posts: 455 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I firmly believe medication as a reason is an least in my case. STBXWW was on antidepressant with her 1st A but wasn't when she had the 3 yr LTA several years later.

I have never been on AD's myself but how is it any different than someone that does alot of recreational or social drinking. Alcohol lowers inhibitions yet tons of people don't go around sleeping with people because of it. They do it because they wanted to sleep around anyway.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:42 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1910 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Yes, my WH was on Zoloft during his affair. He's a SA--but that has always been for pornography and fantasies. He's NEVER acted out before (took 21 years of marriage before he cheated).

My therapist (also our MC) HATES his dosage and wants him off it pronto. His new psych doc (we changed insurances in January--the month he confessed all to me) has steadily been weaning him off all the meds he was on. At the same time, our M is steadily getting better. The doc is trying to reduce my husband's libido that he feels was manipulated by the drug combo.

Again, not an excuse, but certainly a factor. Knowledge of right and wrong had always kept my husband "in line" previously. The only real difference were his meds. And his docs kept changing (moving away, changing insurance coverages, retiring), so he was kinda like a ping-pong ball.

BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 459 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Why the WS cheated is basically irrelevant to the BS's healing. No matter what, being betrayed brings with it grief, anger, and fear, and the BS needs to process those feelings.

'External' (for want of a better term) issues might affect your decision to R or not, but the pain of betrayal is excruciating no matter how you look at it.

In other words, a person who cheats while drunk or wasted on dope is very likely to be a better candidate for R when she gets and stays sober. A depressed person is likely to be a better candidate for R is he gets an effective treatment for his depression - but I strongly doubt that either reason makes the betrayal hurt less.

Your pain is, alas, your pain, and only you can process it out of your body.

The question 'Is your H a good candidate for R if he heals from depression?' is a much different issue.

[This message edited by sisoon at 3:39 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10344 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

My ws has never taken AD's and he cheated. I have been on them for almost a yr and have not cheated.. I know my ws was depressed before A and I tried to get him to ask Dr for a script. He refused and found ow to help him feel better. Self medicated with a skank...
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Not AD, but ADD meds.
Because OW was my friend, I know for a fact the OW is on Vyvance (new form of adderall for ADD). She is off the charts with this. When I knew her she got into a rage, took her TVs outside and smashed them. She is hypersexual, cheating with diff people regularly. Another friend's daughter became a porn "star" while taking adderral. Once off of it, she can't believe she acted in porn movies.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:16 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2205 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

My WH cheated both with and without AD. I have been taking the same one he's taking since the birth of our 3rd child in 2007, and have never entertained the idea of cheating.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

The first time I don't think he was on anything other than his over inflated ego. The second time he was on Zoloft. The third time it might have been Citalopram. However non of them work because he doesn't do the work to get well.

The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1400 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

The first time I don't think he was on anything other than his over inflated ego. The second time he was on Zoloft. The third time it might have been Citalopram. However none of them work because he doesn't do the work to get well.

The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1400 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

No he was not. He was depressed horribly an had refused to try any AD's.

Like others have said I think it's just a piece of a very big puzzle.

(t/j) I can just hear the new warnings on the adds. May cause nausea, constipation, dry mouth. Do not taki if you have had a reaction to MAOI's, may cause dry eyes or accidentally falling in skanky vajayjays, or unexplained bruising and nightmares. Please contact your doctor if these symptoms occur.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8691 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I spent time on some of these drugs and it FWIW, I felt loopy at times, but never like having an A.

But I understand there are all sorts of experiences and opinions, too.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

My fWW was indeed on AD drugs ( had not been on them for very long). And even though the drugs did not cause the A , I know they did not help either. I think her demeanor changed somewhat and made her "more susceptible " to the advances of the OM and of course , she loved hearing his "compliments" which kept her in the fog.

married 21 yr

Posts: 175 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

My SAWH had been on antidepressants for about 2 years and went off of them pretty much coinciding with the time the A started. He did not think he needed them anymore - he found something that alleviated his depression, I guess. His PoA, as they call it in love addict speak.

Now he is back on antidepressants.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I would not be willing to accept this as a contributor to infidelity.

I might consider that a depressed spouse, as depression lifted and he was no longer immobilized by depression, CHOSE to act on impulses he lacked the energy to carry out prior to treatment.

The dramatic personality-change side effects occasionally associated with ADs occur, generally, early in therapy.

Changes six months out, I would be more inclined to attribute to behavior consistent with cheating--not consistent with adverse drug effects.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8830 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 24