User Topic: Support groups?
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Looking into divorce support groups - anyone have experience? Are they actually helpful?

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Member # 40249
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I can't speak to divorce support groups specifically, though I am probably headed there soon enough. I did I found a local support group for dealing with affairs through the Beyond Affairs Network. It has been incredibly helpful for me. I'm also in therapy and have a large support network of friends and family, which have been very helpful as well, but the only people I talk to that really understand and can fully empathize are the people in the support group. It is very cathartic to share in that setting. I highly recommend giving it a try. We all need a place where we can safely talk about the nasty, gritty reality of life with other people that understand.

[This message edited by endlessabsurdity at 10:34 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I went to meetings of a group called DivorceCare. There was a program of DVDs and books that also had open discussion. This program does from time to time make references to christian scriptures but it isn't overwhelming if you happen not to practice that religion.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52737 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I have my first session with my cancer care giver group today and my wife's infidelity is on the agenda. I am wondering whether they will kick me out of the group tonight, since I am no longer caring for her since she made her decision to stay with the OM.

Maybe it is time to transition to a divorce group.

Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 736 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I actually found DivorceCare to be a little too pro-Christian (for me!). It wasn't the materials, it was the group leaders, and I'm not knocking them or their path at all. It just wasn't for me when they came out and said in the first meeting that you don't need to be a believer, but really if you don't accept Jesus as your savior, you'll never truly be healed. I decided not to go back rather than feel like I wasn't going to quite live up to what they seemed to expect of the participants.

Just my 2 cents, and your group situation could work out perfectly for you.

edited because my lack of grammar this morning is astounding...

[This message edited by ISPIFFD at 10:47 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1876 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I go to a grief support group at my church that I love. Besides my H leaving, I also had a miscarriage (he left a week before the baby was to be due) and my mom has breast cancer...that is why my church recommended a grief support group. It has helped immensely.

BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I attended a Divorce Care group and found it very helpful. It is Christian based which was fine for me. You could look at their website for more info.

Our group really connected and almost a year later we are still getting together at least once a month with some extra Friday evenings for good measure. My experience was so positive I would recommend at least checking them out and see how they fit.

Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I will look into DivorceCare for sure - I am a Christian so that fits. I have only one "healthy" friend and we are not THAT close. My BFF is a walking nightmare of poor choices after she found out she is a BW. While we have lots to talk about - our paths to recovery are VERY different. I have no family other than my children who I won't talk to about this stuff clearly. I handled my first divorce so poorly, I ended up here. I'd rather not do that this time.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I attended a Fresh Start program. It is Christian based. It is more about what happens AFTER the divorce . How do you manage, finances, kids, dating, sex, dreams, moving on. The fresh start group lasted about 8 weeks. Then we moved to boundaries, safe people. Fresh start works well with the books/programs by Townsend and Cloud ( authors of the Boundaries books).

I am thinking about rereading my books and notes.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5327 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I am also doing DivorceCare. I am not a Christian either, so at times the religious references can be a bit much. However, I take what I need from it and leave the rest. It is very common sense information, it's just based around Christianity. Other than that, I've found the group very supportive. There are many there dealing with infidelity.

If you are Christian, you shouldn't have any issues with them. I would love to go to a Beyond Affairs group, but the nearest one is 2 hours away from me.

BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 934 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

I'm pretty sure DivorceCare saved my life.

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3427 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 11