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Reconciliation
User Topic: So yesterday was 18 years
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Yesterday was the 18 year anniversary of my first date with my wife. Unlike most married couples that we know, we celebrate and recognize our dating anniversary more than our actual wedding anniversary.

It was the day we got together, man! Awesome, right? Maybe some married couples here are the same way, maybe some of the unmarried couples can appreciate that sentiment as well. It's just kind of our thing to do. It's almost like we recognize our dating anniversary more than we recognize Christmas itself.

For me, yesterday started out as a time of reflection. When I woke up, one of the first things I thought about was the end of our very first date. I remember it being a clear night as we were standing outdoors next to our cars in the Village Inn parking lot at two-something in the morning. I remember exactly what she was wearing... dressed casual with her black pants, maroon shirt, black heel-length boots with about a one inch heel, gold hoop earrings, and Gap "Dream" perfume. I remember looking into her almond shaped eyes, and the cuteness of the freckles on her nose, and thinking, "You're beautiful." I remember all of the blood rushing to my face when I realized that I had said those words out loud and not just thought them. That's when we had our first kiss.

Before I left for work, I told my wife, "You know, with all we've been through, being together 18 years is really something." I could see a visible sigh of relief and a relaxation in her shoulders when I said that to her, and she gave me a hug and a kiss. I could see her becoming a little lighter on her feet. I could see that she's just as pretty as she was 18 years ago.

After work, we exchanged a couple of small gifts. We had a nice chat on the couch, and started to go through our evening routines. I off-handedly mentioned going out to eat, and my wife, who has been on a huge diet kick lately, said screw it, and we ended up taking our son to one of our favorite local Mexican restaurants and had a phenomenal meal.

It was just really a good time as a couple, and as a family. It was a great day.

The adjectives that I take away from yesterday's 18 year dating anniversary are these: reflective, sweet, sentimental, loving, fun, and, very important to me, normal.

I never thought I'd get to that point of feeling that way about celebrating our time together and our life together again. I never thought that I would feel "normal" again. But then it happened yesterday.

Can't wait until next year.


Posts: 7213 | Registered: Dec 2010
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

18 years..and all the two of you have been through together...is quite an accomplishment.

Congratulations.

We need more positive stories in this forum. They give those of us who are struggling so much hope.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7488 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

That is such an uplifting post! Thank you for sharing the beauty of the day and the beautiful memories.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
AFrayedKnot
Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2599 | Registered: Aug 2012
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)


Posts: 35384 | Registered: Mar 2011
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Happy Anniversary! In the Jewish religion 18 is chai, or good luck .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37748 | Registered: Sep 2007
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Congrats


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37247 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Thank you everyone who took the time to read and/or respond.

AN - I really like the concept of "chai". I'd like to think that will be our theme for our 18th year together. Thanks for sharing that.


Posts: 7213 | Registered: Dec 2010
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Losfer....

We too celebrate in years that we met since we lived together for almost 10 years before marrying. On the 10th of next month it will be our 32nd anniversary (25th by vows). I am hoping and praying it will be a good day like yours. There is so much history in those 32 years...and so much positive. I feel sad that so much negative has taken center stage recently.

All I want from my RS this year is 1 thing....I want a letter from his heart to me about where he wants us to take the next 25 years. I want new vows from him, the old ones have been destroyed with his A. I want to know I really do mean as much to him as I did on the day we met and the day we wed. I am trying not to put too much into the day, that way I have less of a distance to fall if it doesn't go well. We have done so well over the last 4 months that I really should have nothing to be scared of but my husband has never been much for being able to tell me his fears, worries, problems and so I remain a bit apprehensive. I did tell him what I was hoping for, I did not want to set him up for defeat but I did want him to know the only thing I needed from him is him himself and not a sparkly ring.

Thank you for sharing your day. Congrats on making it this far and working so hard. Your reward is that your new life is shining brightly.

T

[This message edited by TxsT at 6:29 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

TxsT - Congrats on your upcoming 32 years together! That is truly amazing.

It wouldn't hurt for you to drop a hint or two when you get closer to the actual day. I know with my wife, sometimes I need her to tell me what she needs, and to have occasional reminders. I am trying to get better about that, but still... don't know if your husband is like me in that regard, too.

I really didn't expect much out of this year's anniversary, and it was really a pleasant surprise to spend the day in a good mood and not feeling like I had just swallowed a brick all day. Going into it without expectations turned out to be an unexpected benefit.

I hope you get the letter you asked for and the day that you are hoping for. Thanks for sharing this piece of your background. Take care.


Posts: 7213 | Registered: Dec 2010
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

(((hugs))) What a wonderful post! Congratulations!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4856 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
hardlessons
Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Congrats Losfer!


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
ccw82
Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)

Your post has uplifted my spirits and given me hope! We usually celebrate our dating anniversary, too, but this year we celebrated neither dating nor marriage anniversary.

I really hope I'm where you are when the anniversaries roll around next year!


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
HardenMyHeart
Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Wonderful post. Thanks for sharing.

we celebrate and recognize our dating anniversary

We do the same thing. I don't know any other couples that do this. I think it's pretty cool.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5667 | Registered: Aug 2007
guarded
Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)

We just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. I totally understand needing the "normal" part. My WH offered a romantic, fancy dinner, but I just wanted to feel like a normal family. We ended up "just" going to The Olive Garden with the kids and my in-laws. Not romantic, but absolutely right for us that day.

Strange, isn't it, what becomes important and valuable to us after this?


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 451 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)

I never thought I'd get to that point of feeling that way about celebrating our time together and our life together again. I never thought that I would feel "normal" again. But then it happened yesterday.

Congrats Losfer! My WW and I celebrated our 18th dating anniversary in January. Even though we were married 15 months later the dating anniv still feels special to me. Unfortunately I caught her cheating in February of this year, so our wedding anniversary in April meant nothing to me, or at least it felt that way.

It feels like I've been robbed of our history and our memories. It's nice to know that it might not always feel that way. Right now I can't stand the thought of wedding photos, and it hurts to look at family photos that predate D Day.

If you don't mind me asking, did you feel ambivalent about your dating and wedding anniversaries the first time they came around? Is this something that gets better each passing year?


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling
PM's w/ male members only please

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)

Thanks, Sal!

It feels like I've been robbed of our history and our memories. It's nice to know that it might not always feel that way. Right now I can't stand the thought of wedding photos, and it hurts to look at family photos that predate D Day.

I totally understand this feeling. I'm getting close to three years out, and still have a hard time looking at some of our pre d-day pictures from time to time, although it has gotten easier. One thing that has helped me quite a great deal is realizing that they are my memories, and it is up to me how I view them (the ones in my own head, anyway). A lot of memories with my wife I have chosen to keep as happy ones whether I stay with her or not. The plan is to stay with her, but if anything should change, I'm still keeping those particular memories as happy ones.

If you don't mind me asking, did you feel ambivalent about your dating and wedding anniversaries the first time they came around? Is this something that gets better each passing year?

Don't mind you asking at all. We had a few extra months than you did to process things before our first dating and wedding anniversary post d-day occurred. In that first year, a few months can make quite a difference. I don't think ambivalent is a word that I would have used for me at that point. I think "cautiously sentimental" would better describe it. I would say this year is better than last, and the year before that better than before. So, in my experience, it does get better with each passing year.

My wife and I are still experiencing the lows and highs of the roller coaster, but so far neither of us has been thrown off the ride, even though there have been some extremely scary moments.


Posts: 7213 | Registered: Dec 2010
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)

Awesome, here's wishing you and the wife 18 more happy years (at least!).


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling
PM's w/ male members only please

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52320 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)

Congrats Losfer. I hope you guys have many more to come!


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4954 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Topic Posts: 20