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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: He is stalking me...
brokenandconfuse
Member
Member # 39381
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

warning: venting

Last night my friend told me stbx asked his boss for less hours so that he can how that he can't pay child support and needs more alimony

Then, my 11yr old son comes upstairs and tells me that he can't sleep because he is scared. I asked him what he was scared of and he just says "Dad". So, I asked him what about Dad scares him, because he is at Mom's house now. He said that everytime they stay at Dad's, Dad leaves to come check on me to make sure I don't have a boyfriend because what he did was wrong and he wants to make sure that I am not doing the same thing. My son goes on to tell me that he doesn't sleep at his Dads as he listens for his footsteps and checks the clock when he leaves and times him to. He even had it calculated out...Mom it should take him 10-12 minutes to get to your house and he must only stay for 10 minutes because it would take another 10-12min to get home and I check the clock when he comes back in the house.

1)What a fucking bastard to be sneaking around outside my house at different hours of the night!

2)He told my son what he was doing????? WTF?

3)My kids are scared to sleep at night because they think he is lurking around outside.

How much do private investigators cost? I am going to get his ass arrested...


2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012

Getting Divorced


Posts: 101 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Holy crap.

I would contact the police and file a report that you are being stalked. That is batshit crazy stuff.

Are your kids in counseling?

((((b&c and kids))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25030 | Registered: Aug 2011
mof2
Member
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

OMG!!! What a nut bag!!! Two words.....restraining order. That is too crazy. And so what if you were seeing somebody. He left you and your kids aren't under your roof at the time. What an idiot!!!!


BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 313 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

I don't know if you could be an RO...just because he says he is coming there does not mean he is.

Have you ever seen him?

I had issues with my Ex during the D. He lurked, stalked, came in when I wasn't home, etc.

They had me keep a "stalkers log". Start that now - even if it doesn't seem like something your ex does is a big deal. If you do need to eventually go for an RO, you will have a log to go by....that shows a judge how much it bothered you if you went through the effort to write the stuff down. Doesn't have to be mega...just date/time and what he did.

They also recommended I put up one of those hunter's cams. IE the infra-red ones for in tree stands? They only record activity and you can see the footage even in the dark. I don't know the cost but they did carry them at Wal-Mart.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 3:01 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2056 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Strongmama
Member
Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Oh no! This sounds like my sick sick ex. You and your poor son!
Please make a police report w what you have been told; tell them your concerns. Give them the info on his car and such. Talk to your neighbors and let them know too. It's embarrassing and uncomfortable, but better safe...
If you get a RO (please do!) you will prob have to set up kid drop offs and pick ups in a public place. Again; can be embarrassing, but safe(r).
My ex stalked; harassed; scared me; threatened me; told my kids he'd kill my boyfriend. Yes, this is also the man who had affairs and left me and the kids not only once, but twice and was still with his gf while he did this!
Sick! NPD's! No thoughts or care got how they are affecting the kids, and I was a mess living in upset fear most of the time.
Please get a PFS order; protection from stalking order. It's only a piece of paper, but it will protect you if he breaks it, and you can let the police know. My ex broke it within hours Of getting served; I made a report and he was put in jail for days. Most peaceful 3 days ever! He's now so scared to lose his gov job (he shouldn't have to begin with un honorable pos!) that he has finally after 1.5 years of harassment left me alone. He has a nice new gf, (my kids like her), and I just feel bad for her and her kids bc I know she has no idea how insane he is, but I have to protecte my kids and myself and just keep quiet and hope he gets remarried and goes away!
Please be safe! Please get a PFS!

[This message edited by Strongmama at 3:25 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
NoTriangles
Member
Member # 35985
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Nanny Cam. Get proof and then a restraining order.

FTG!


Me: Finding my Sunlight
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: a state of consciousness
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Can you install, or ask someone to install for you, motion-activated flood lights on all the sides of your home?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9517 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Good ideas, all of them.

For a time, Perv was sneaking around here and stealing things. I also had some call-hang ups go on and some other things, for a time.

What I noticed is that I talked to the local police and asked what my rights are. I then mentioned this activity to Perv, with the call hang ups and mentioned that I let the police know-and what do you know, it's gone away?

His behavior towards the place is also better right now and even though it was very hard to do, I'm glad I did. I also talked about a locksmith several times and that helped.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2202 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
brokenandconfuse
Member
Member # 39381
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

All-thanks for your feedback.

I should have mentioned that I already have a domestic abuse protection order with NC and no exceptions.

I haven't seen him, but I have seen his friend and others have seen him in the proximity at all different hours.

I am currently trying to find a counselor for the kids.


2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012

Getting Divorced


Posts: 101 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
Mousse242
Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

1- relay all information to your attorney

2- if you can afford it, install cameras

3- prepare to serve your WH's boss about the work thing for his deposition

4- get the kids into counseling

5- how old are your kids? If he's leaving them alone, tell your kid to call 911 and tell the police that dad left, you're home alone and scared

document, document, document


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

cameras! Private investigator!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8439 | Registered: Apr 2008
brokenandconfuse
Member
Member # 39381
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

My kids are 11, 9, 7. Supposedly my step daughter was home...but I know that won't stop him from leaving.

I have a security system and cameras, but they don't reach across the road where I suspect he is going (that is where I saw his friend). I am going to looking up the night vision hunting camera.


2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012

Getting Divorced


Posts: 101 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
deeplysad
Member
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Get a surveillance system and record him and/or his friends roaming about your property.

Show it to the judge and nail his ass!!!


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert


Posts: 3228 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Dont tell the kids (or anyone else) that you're installing the extra cameras. They might accidentally tip off your ex (or one of his friends).


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6358 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Call your local domestic violence shelter. They may have recommendations for counselors who specialize in dealing with stalker dad situations.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5014 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 15