User Topic: Do you tell IC everything
Member # 6263
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Ok here is my deal I haven't told my IC about us becoming swingers , my stupid idea so he wouldn't cheat . I hated it refused most of the time and felt traded for sex and in all honestly I was. Since I wasn't into it 100% cus I didn't like it and always only wanted him. Should I tell IC or it don't matter!!

Me 39, EX H 40 married 17 years infidelity on both parts . He a serial cheater. I cheated for revenge and ran home to brag. Or make Him mad. He confessed to more affairs after that. We are now divorced living apart . 3 children

Posts: 953 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: illinois
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8006 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

I do tell everything. If I am not honest with myself and my IC, my time and hers are wasted.

You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams

Posts: 25362 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

My story is similar to yours. When we were together we told our MC everything. After STBXWW ceased therapy, I have continued in IC with the same therapist and tell her absolutely everything. That is what a good therapist is there for: don't hold back. Let it all out. It is cathartic.

All the best.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

Posts: 1621 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

I tell everything.

That's why I'm going and paying all that money and I don't feel authentic otherwise...feels wasted, instead.

If you are judged or don't like the reply, you could always get another one.

Sometimes nothing we try to do is going to keep someone from cheating-it's not on us to try to keep it altogether, but on each one of us, responsibility, that is.

I'm sorry you were compromised and hope you won't anymore. Stick to what you believe in and be true to yourself!

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Yes. You tell everything. Every embarrassing, shameful thing.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Must Survive
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Everything. You are trying to heal yourself, but your not being authentic to the one person who can guide you towards healing.

WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen

Posts: 748 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Absolutely tell. My IC is seriously the only reason I made it through the separation, the false R, and the final split. Seriously.

If you can't be honest with your IC maybe you need to find a different one?

divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Yes! That's the only way they are going to be able to help you put all the puzzle pieces back together and help you be whole and strong again. Plus, you can almost bet that they have heard it all and more before you sat down in their office.

Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Open your heart, the truth will set you free.

BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 611 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 10