New Beginnings
User Topic: 20 years ago
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

20 years ago at this time, I was toasting my new marriage.

Tonight, I'm sitting here in tears. No, not because of him. My mom has cancer, and can't get anybody to schedule the tests/biopsy she needs to get things moving. I spent the day with her, and she is so upset; I've known for a week, and I've been ok, but tonight I researched the hospital she wants to go to, and sent her the referral form to try and force things to happen...I hit sent, and now I'm crying. I'm just so scared for her. And for me.

Edited to add, because I'm upset about my mom, not it being my anniversary, I do feel like lashing out at him. Saying I wish I had married a man, not the child that he is. I won't, but right now, I really wish I had someone to lean on. If he wasn't such an ass, it would have been him. Gah.

[This message edited by devistatedmom at 7:54 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5522 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

(((dm))) I sure wish those could be irl hugs, sweetie. I'll keep your mom and you in my thoughts.

Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect

Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

((Dm)). Sending thoughts.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7764 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

(((DM and Mom)))

You both are in my prayers.

It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Thanks. Typing it out helped. I'm back together now. I just wish she would get her appointments so things are moving forward. This waiting sucks.

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5522 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

(((dm and mama)))

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15413 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

(((((dm & mom))))) I so understand this, honey. Sending you both strength.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, August 29th (Thursday)


I understand so well what you are feeling. My mom passed from cancer, 13 days after my anniversary, while POS was in the middle of A#2 so he wasn't emotionally available for me either. Waiting is one of the hardest things to do because you just want them to do SOMETHING to help her. Be her rock as best you can, and know you are not alone. Prayers for your mom and you!

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
exhausted lady
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 2:59 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

devistatedmom.....I just lost my dad to cancer. You and your mom are soooo in my prayers right now.

One thing I learned is that you have to be VERY proactive - almost bitchy - to get things rolling with some medical places. I know they're busy, but (as usual) the squeaky wheel gets the attention. I had to get VERY snarky with the oncologists to get them on top of my dad's situation. He was elderly, and it was almost like they all figured it didn't matter because he was in his 80's.

Well, it mattered to ME, and to him, and I had to chew some ass to get the ball rolling. Don't be afraid to rock the boat.....but when they DO finally get off theirs collective butts, be extra nice.

Once the oncology people knew that I could be a bitch on wheels if they slacked, but I was very accommodating if they put in the effort...we got along just fine.

Once again, I'm praying for your mom, and for you. It's a very scary thing to have to go through. I hope like hell you can get them to act, and act soon.

Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr

Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

(((dm and mom)))

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

(((DM))). Praying for you and your mum.

3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

What hospital?
I have sisters that work in the big hospitals in downtown Toronto.
I'm so sorry to hear this news.
If I can help in any way please don't hesitate to ask.

BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1420 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

((((dm and mom))))

Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Exhausted lady- devistatedmom is in Canada. The Canadian medical system is much slower than in the US, unfortunately...


Posts: 3155 | Registered: Sep 2006
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, August 30th (Friday)

My mom broke down on the phone again this morning; still no appointments for her biopsy and the CT scan being moved up. She was beyond upset. I've been talking to her each day, "pushing" her to keep bugging, call, find out what is what. She managed to get a hold of someone at the hospital today where the requisition was sent, who actually looked it up in the computer system...the req was sent to the wrong department. If she hadn't of pushed, she would have been waiting forever.

She called her GP's secretary, told her she sent it to the wrong place, send it to this number...within 20 min, she has her appointments for a CT scan on Wednesday, and her biopsy the following Monday. They want the CT scan first. So, if she hadn't of kept calling different numbers until she got someone, she would have been an anxiety mess all long weekend. She sounded much better.

At least we have our starting point now.

BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.

Posts: 5522 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, August 30th (Friday)

(((DM and mom)))

Posts: 35859 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, August 31st (Saturday)

All of my best wishes are with you and your mom.....

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 17