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Reconciliation
User Topic: Thinking of giving Wed Ring back
heathenchristian
Member
Member # 40060
Frustrated  Posted: 8:54 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

I am currently not wearing it because it doesn't fit since pregnancy 4yrs ago.
With his statement of he wants to be sure this is what he wants, I feel that if or when he figures that out he can give it back to me for the right reasons.
I've asked him several times why he asked me to marry him and first words were never because I love you.
Plus he said a wk ago while we were talking that he shouldn't have given it to me if he wasn't head over heals in love with me.
I feel like our 10yr marriage has been all lies.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
RockyMtn
Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry, heathenchristian.

I think it would be very cleansing to get rid of that ring no matter what happens. Lots of folks on here do the same either temporarily or permanently.

And, you know what? You also need the time to decide whether or not to ever take the ring back from him. Maybe you won't want to do him that honor.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

don't give it back! If you do end up D, sell it and take yourself on a vacation. That is what I am planning to do with SAWH's collection of miscellaneous wedding rings he lost (because he kept taking them off when his was with OW) and then he'd misplace and have to buy a new one.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 855 | Registered: Jun 2013
scangel3
Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

I had to take my ring off before his A because I was having a reaction from it. Then we moved and it got lost. I should have known something would happen by this point

Now since his A I could care less about that dam ring. I did find the box (a couple weeks ago) that the ring should have been in, but it wasn't. I didn't even care, that it wasn't in there.

If he wants me to wear a wedding ring then he can get me a new one, because honestly that one means nothing to me at this point other then the fact that he decided to shit on what that ring stands for!

I say sell the ring like womeninflux said, my ring isn't worth much maybe a massage and pedicure so not with it to me, but get a new one even if it means you sell your old one to get the new one!


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

(heathenchristian)

Gently....it looks like you are relatively "young" into the trauma that is adultery in your marriage. I see your join date is this summer...I am assuming that means you discovered his affair pretty recently.

This comment is based on that assumption....

Read about the "fog". It is a dreadful time. My wife said some things with such factual emphasis that I believed them...fact is, SHE believed them at the time. At one point she said about our marriage "I married my best friend. I see now that I started my marriage from a hard spot". She has said numerous other things that were hurtful and truths of the moment.

WS thinking is jacked up during and immediately following the affair.

If you can, distance yourself from your husband....not suggesting you move out or have him move out, but try to engage him less regarding anything A related.

I did NOT do this...wound up asking too many questions early on. This gave my wife opportunity to continue to lie, trickle truth, and state inaccurate feelings to me.

I also tried to console and help my wife.....that too was a wasted effort. She did not want me to console her or help her....she was grieving the loss of her "true love". Yep it sucks. But it is a temporary state....so try to not put that stupid marriage comment into concrete. If you guys stay on the course that many of us are on...it will pass and later be proven false.

I am praying for both of you. Dont make any serious decisions (wearing a ring or not is NOT a serious decision in my book).

Find something that makes you peaceful, settled inside...and make a point to do that thing regularly.

God be with you.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

The first time he asked for a divorce I took my rings off. He had taken his off for some other reason (oh so his girlfriend wouldn't see!) and I put them back on once, and took them back off.
Don't give them back. Put them up for now.
You can decide later if you want to wear them again.
It took ME filing for divorce for my WS to put his rings back on.
I refuse to put mine back on until I feel right doing it.
My marriage is NOT ok right now, and I don't feel that wearing them right now is who I am.
To each his own.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
1ost0ne
Member
Member # 40202
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, August 30th (Friday)

I've thought a lot about giving it back to her over the last month and telling her, if she wants to be married to me, she would have to start over. "The old marriage is gone and if she wants to be my second wife, find a way to get this back on my hand."

I am more worried about myself having to deal with the questions from friends, family and work on why I'm not wearing my ring. I like to keep my private life private.


“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya Angelou

Posts: 84 | Registered: Aug 2013
heathenchristian
Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, August 30th (Friday)

Well I gave it back to him him last night. I told him if he truly wants us he will give it back to me.
I noticed that he didn't wear his ring yesterday and didn't put it on today either. I am not defending him on this but he is a forgetful person. He just started wearing his ring again in the past 3wks or so.
See my other post about him chatting w/my cousin.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
heathenchristian
Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

Saw him go into his jewelry box to get the ring, but he never put it on.
It bothers me a little bit.
He came home today from work and actually gave me a kiss
I was


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
RightTrack
Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, September 1st (Sunday)

I threw mine off the back deck into the abyss. Who knew that he would scour the hillside to find it? He really shouldn't have b/c to me it is worthless. If he ever gives it back to me I'll do a better job throwing it.

Posts: 609 | Registered: Sep 2012
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, September 1st (Sunday)

yeah i wear mine to be socially acceptable.

i confiscated wh ring gave it back to him and now i don't give a flying f*** I don't think he understands that though.

but I am approach physical violence DDAY and I've become a lot more pissy recently. Lol his ring still has a dent from physical violence dday
He wears a permanent reminder of it (wedding ring) but it doesn't even affect him


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
isadora
Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, September 1st (Sunday)

We sold ours when we moved last summer. I felt the rings were tainted. We are planning on getting new rings.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4501 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
heathenchristian
Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I loved my ring. Now I feel it's tainted for many reasons.

It wasn't big (not even 1ct total at) but it was what we picked out so happily together.

Feel in like today


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
Topic Posts: 13