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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: WS using Verbal Abuse to Justify Actions
Averyhurtgirl
New Member
Member # 37762
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

My BS has been trying to convince everyone (his family/my family) that he cheated on me because I verbally abused him. Sure, I got married really young and said stupid stuff when we first got married (I wish I never married him etc) but only when he was aggressive towards me. But he is justifying his actions by saying he was verbally abused etc.

We had our family court mediation meeting and my BS filed for Domestic Violence saying that I verbally Abused him.

It is frustrating because I know he is going to tell everyone that its the reason we got divorced. Trying to play the victim again.


Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Oregan
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, August 28th (Wednesday)

Your BS or your WS? Are you the cheater? Or did he cheat on you? I need to get that straight in my head before I know what to respond.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Averyhurtgirl
New Member
Member # 37762
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

Opps I meant I am the BS, he cheated on me

Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Oregan
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

My STBX also has lied about me to justify his actions. Lied & twisted the truth. My gosh, he actually was telling his IC that I was the abuser and he was codep!

My advice to you is what I've been doing. I hold my head up high and speak my truth. Most people see right through STBX's BS. However, he didn't file a DV charge against me. That would chap my hide big time. I'd need to refute that since that's a serious accusation with serious, long-term ramifications that could prevent you from getting a job.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
MyReturn2Me
Member
Member # 34352
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

((Averyhurtgirl))

I'm sorry this is happening to you. These dudes suck.


Me: BS 51 and Freaking AWESOME!
Him: Who the fuck cares........

Posts: 259 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Puget Sound
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

There is never a justification for an A. Your WS needs to own the fact that he made a choice to be unfaithful to you. If you are or have been abusive towards him that is still not a justification.

From what you wrote it does sound like there is/was a cycle of abuse going on between the two of you. Are you in IC to help you work through that issue?


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Averyhurtgirl
New Member
Member # 37762
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, August 30th (Friday)

Yes, I am in therapy.

I did say somethings in the beginning of our marriage that I should not have said. But only when he was physically aggressive towards me.


Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Oregan
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 30th (Friday)

Contact your local Domestic Violence shelter or support group. They can either help you navigate this legally or give you guidance on how to do refute it. You aren't the first abuse victim an abuser has turned the tables on legally. They know how to deal with the system... utilize their expertise.

Good luck,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5014 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 8