SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Just Found Out
User Topic: I don't know what to do
LotusFlwr
New Member
Member # 40485
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

Just joined. Last place I want to be but I guess every person here feels the same way. Background: Married 13 years, together 14. Kids are 10 and 11.

Affair 1 - We were dating about 2 weeks at the time. We were young, 18. I found out from OW about 3 weeks before we were to be married so it felt like it had happened at that time. OW was my best friend who had admitted to sleeping with all my boyfriends. I forgave him pretty easily due to that and the fact that we were barely dating at the time.

Affair 2 - EA with his ex. Again I found out. He didn't confess until I already knew. About 5 years after we were married. We were living a few thousand miles away so I'm positive it wasn't physical. I was dealing with severe PTSD for over a year beforehand and it didn't look like the end was in sight. In and out of hospitals, suicide attempts, the works. I forgave fairly easily because things were truly horrible at the time and I wasn't being the wife I should have been.

Affair 3. The reason I am here. A couple of weeks ago I found pictures of a girl on his phone. He said it was just talking. I found out a few days ago that it was more than that when I told him I was getting an STD test because I didn't trust him. He said it was just once and just oral. He lied about it after getting caught. That's what really gets me. I don't know what to do. I just feel like I will never be enough for him. He has been away for work the past month and gets home in about a week. He has cried, shown remorse, apologized like crazy. I told him I wanted him to change his phone number and do a factory reset when he gets back and he agreed without hesitation. I told him I want him to transfer so he won't be gone so much and he said he would make calls when he gets back. He suggested MC but we can't figure out how to go about it with his work schedule. Plus I'm stalling because I'm afraid they're going to tell me it is hopeless and to give up.

How do I know he is being sincere when he says it will never happen again and he would do anything to keep me? How do I know he isn't just saying that so I don't move away with the kids? Or that he is just sorry he got caught?


Me: BS

Him:WS

Married: 13 years

Kids: 12 and 10


Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

Welcome ((((hugs)))


I just feel like I will never be enough for him.

It isn't about you not being enough for him. The issue is that he isn't enough for you. His decision to cheat isn't about you at all. He has issues. Until he deals with those issues he will continue cheating, no matter who he is with.

How do I know he is being sincere when he says it will never happen again and he would do anything to keep me? How do I know he isn't just saying that so I don't move away with the kids? Or that he is just sorry he got caught?

His actions will back up his words. If all he does is give you lip service, then you know he isn't sincere and nothing will change.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13810 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, August 29th (Thursday)

I just feel like I will never be enough for him. He has been away for work the past month and gets home in about a week.

Well see, that's where your thinking gets a bit skewed.

Truth is, he's proved over and over that he'll never be good enough for you.

He's on affair #3 - that you know of. It's pretty apparent he's a serial cheater since he just keeps repeating this behavior over and over.

Did he make the same promises the other two times you caught him? That he'd never do it again? That he'd respect you and your marriage going forward and never disrespect you again?

Most cheaters make whatever promise they need in order to keep you there. Actually doing the hard work of keeping the promise, however, is impossible for some.

Right now, I wouldn't trust him if he told me it was raining and I heard the thunder outside. I'd still go to the window to see for myself.

He's got a lot of work to do to earn back your trust, if you're going to give him a 4th chance.

Good luck to you, Lotus. I'm sorry you find yourself here.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 3