she misinterprets the intent behind a current behavior, seeing it as the historical bad one being repeated
I know this happens with me and my WH. After a betrayal such as this, it is easy to misinterpret. It is easy to assume the worst intent behind the action. It is easy to allow the mind to go to the bad thoughts of the past. BS's are hurt, we are devastated, our trust is gone. This will take time.....lots and lots of time and consistent follow through on your end. The more you follow thru, the more you prove your good intentions thru solid actions, the more you show her that you are working hard to break those historical patterns, eventually she will be more responsive and not always jump to the worst assumptions. Be patient, be loving, be accepting of her feelings, and be supportive. It has been 8 months for me...and just NOW am i beginning to start to have an inkling of faith in the changes my WH is making.
I realize and accept that Iíve had some incredibly disrespectful behavior over the years. But so much has changed that Iím not sure she sees/appreciates
She is hurt, destroyed, devastated. No, she doesn't see.
I put up with 20 years of disrespectful behavior from my WH. That doesnt go away over night or with a few nice actions. My WH's A blindsided me...i had NO idea. None. As a result, my WH's affair destroyed my self confidence, my faith in myself and in my judgement. I no longer trusted what i thought, felt, saw....nothing. It was impossible for me to see any good in any action, because the hurt of the betrayal was front and center...and that was all i saw.
Thru lots of MC/IC, reading/posting on SI, reading books, long conversations and working on open/honest/transparent communication skills...its getting better.