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Reconciliation
User Topic: How do we stop dwelling on the past?
ccw82
Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

I want to know how to stop dwelling on the past? And on the details? It's SOOOO incredibly hard to move on and try to R when my brain won't shut the f*ck up with the mind movies and the dwelling!

WH hasn't done anything "new" since DDay, but I can't turn off the fact that any of this stuff happened AT ALL. And I am hardcore dwelling on it, but I really don't want to! Please share your words of wisdom on how I can stop this nasty dwelling before I drive myself crazy!


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Oh ccw82, it isn't the past. It is still so very fresh and raw for you. This takes 2-5 (or more) years to heal from whether you R or not.

The trust will be rebuilt one little piece at a time. As the trust is rebuilt the *dwelling* and questions will lesson, but it will take months if not years.

You aren't doing anything wrong. Please be easy on yourself and give it time.

[This message edited by Kierst13 at 2:03 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

You will probably not like my answer.

You aren't dwelling on the past. I think you are reviewing your present. Two months past dday is a drop in the bucket.

Maybe try to opposite approach, and let yourself dwell as much as possible. Stop trying to push it away. If in a bit of time you literally cannot control the it, there are techniques you can employ to control intrusive thoughts. But I don't know that it is time yet.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6497 | Registered: Jan 2011
SorrowBhindSmile
Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

((((ccw82))))

i went thru exactly what you are. At this early stage after DDay, I dont know that its so much dwelling as it is your brain just trying to process everything. It felt like 24/7 it was ALLLLL i could think about...trying to figure it out, make sense of it....something, anything.

I always hated when people gave me this answer...but.... time. For me, as i began to process what had happened and work thru things with my MC/IC, the dwelling/obsessing became less and less. MC/IC, reading books and posting on here was vital to my survival. As I began to deconstruct my WH's A, began to understand the why's and how's of it all...the obsessive thoughts became less frequent.

i think the most important words of wisdom i can share is to allow yourself to feel what you feel. Dont rugsweep your feelings. You matter, your feelings matter. Focus on you....work on you. Take time to see an IC and figure out what you need/want. Rebuild yourself. Look into yourself for strength. its there. you may not feel it...but its there. A good IC will help you channel it and bring it out. Eventually the dwelling will be less.

hugs to you


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
AML04
Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

I'm right where you are ccw. I think about it nonstop and it's driving me crazy.

I'm hoping it's because H doesn't really talk about the A with me or bring it up on his own. He has recently realized that he needs to do it, he just doesn't know where to start. I just need to see/hear that he is working on himself and how he could do this. I find myself trying to do the work for him even though I know it's not my responsibility.

I just hope he is able to do it soon to help me start healing. I just feel so alone.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 870 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Bikingguy
Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Sorry double post

[This message edited by Bikingguy at 5:15 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 672 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Bikingguy
Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

Good advice above. I became more at ease when I stopped trying to move on. Our MC gave to tips to help get out of shitty days when I spend much of it in the past. Instead I just wadded in and got comfortable. Hearing it is a long process and realizing it are two different things. WW and I thought web were going to set a record at healing. Then my fog lifted:(. I stopped beating myself up and am trying to settle in for the long haul.

And it does get better. Having a WW that gets it helps a lot, but also focussing on me and the kids has also helped. I have not started a thread in a couple of months as life does seem to be stablizing more. With that said I know at any time something might trigger and ruin a day. That's OK, will discuss with WW and work through it. Good luck, it does get better.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 672 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 2:43 AM, August 30th (Friday)

I wish I knew the answer. My husband sent me a text the other night saying that he loves me, we'll get through this and he won't let me down again. I responded by saying "thank you but the future is not what worries me....it's the past". I don't worry that he'll cheat again. I worry that there's more I don't know about the past. The trickle truth did a real number on me. I'm constantly in fear of allowing myself to move on and forgive only to find out that I still don't know the whole truth.

Posts: 680 | Registered: Jul 2013
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 2:55 AM, August 30th (Friday)

I am like Scubachick... 10 months of TT and I can't believe a thing he says... I still can't get over the past. It haunts me as if its happening to me. WH keeps complaining that he's not doing it so why do I keep acting like its happening now.
I hate mind movies and all the triggers that come with them.. I could use help on this one too


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
AML04
Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 1st (Sunday)

I'm really worried I won't be able to get over it. It went on for so long and started at a time when he should have been supporting me (and I him). I worry so much that he's not the man I thought he was and that the man he is now is just a facade to keep me from leaving.
It doesn't help that he doesn't talk about it. He says he doesn't remember or he doesn't know what to say. He's supposed to sit down tomorrow to really think about it and try to come up with a timeline. I hope he is able because I really need to see that he is working to figure it out.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 870 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Cliffhanger101
New Member
Member # 40218
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

ccw82,

I have a similar timeline to yours. Thanks for posting this, it's helped me too.


Posts: 10 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: CliffHanger101
Simple
Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

2 months is nothing. This is something you need to go through I think. It's like steps you know? First shock and denial, then acceptance, than anger.. though my steps are probably not in the right order. Please don't go on denial though. Better to have these now. Pushing it off or denying these feelings will just fester. If you're in R, include your spouse in these dwellings. Your WS needs this time to step in and be your comfort to prove himself to you. This is also a way to build a true R. Giving your WH a chance to be there for you.

Then will come a time when you've learned to gather your strength and you feel you can face anything.

I can tell you even at 1 year you'll still feel the same, but maybe less, and so on. I'm on 5 years now and I do know it gets better.

Hugs to you.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
ccw82
Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Simple, I feel like I'm caught in a vicious cycle I can't get out of! I keep cycling through denial, anger, bargaining, and depression...but I can't seem to stay in acceptance. Maybe for a short period of time, but then I always end up at denial or anger again!

I think I need hypnosis...


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, September 4th (Wednesday)

6.8.13 D-day here, so I'm right there with you. Living this hell 24/7. If it goes away in my head for more than 5 minutes it's a miracle. I don't know how much more of this I can take.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Painfuljourney
Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, September 4th (Wednesday)

I also have a similar timeline. I figure time will help. I'm overall happy with reconciliation. His affair was 4 years ago but to me it was just this past month. The mind movies hit me several times a week. I usually have to ask questions once a week still and we cry and cry together. It's hard. But in between we are in a much better place. No matter how often the mind movies hit and the questions that come to my mind about details, I'm trying to limit myself to once a week to talk to him about it now instead of every other day. I write the thoughts down so I don't forget but then it puts it out of my mind for a bit longer.

I'm very sensitive now to triggers though. She drove a jeep, I can't look at a jeep without triggering. Ping pong, he played with her the first night they met, now the mere mention of it triggers me... So many things. Her name, first and last, his uniform... I'm hoping I can get somewhat desensitized with time. But we are only 2 months from DD.

Overall though I focus that now we are having the marriage we were always supposed to have. He's a changed person. I try not to dwell in the negative, thus only allowing it once a week.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, September 4th (Wednesday)

CCW.....I wanted to answer but not in a forum. You have a new PM from me.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
pewpewpew
Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)

Hugs ccw.

Right now, you are doing what you are supposed to. You're dealing with a trauma. You will go through many vicious cycles.

But you will get through them.

Key word that no one likes to hear: TIME. Yes I know - ugh.
But trust me, with time you will get there.

I am 14 months out. Just up until a few months ago - the past was the one thing I could not get over. I couldn't stop obsessing/dwelling as you say. My answer to WH was always "Build a time machine".

Within the last few months, something happened. My feelings and thoughts have changed. Maybe it's acceptance? I'm not sure. It's not forgiveness. I've already decided I will never forgive.
I think I've finally reached a point that I am healing. My triggers are few and they don't seem to last like they used to.
You will get there, I promise. But cut yourself some slack. At even 6-9 months I was no where near this point.


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
mightsurvive
New Member
Member # 38794
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)

I agree with pewpewpew. You will get better. You will never forget but as time passes you think of it less often and less intensely. I still think of WH A but I do have hours without doing so(which is a big improvement from 24/7 just like you)


BW 37-me
WH 40
Kids
Dday Dec 2011
Reconciling

Posts: 48 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
roses303
Member
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)

I'm only a month further along than you and I am still in that place. It is a horrible place to be and it makes reconciliation seems so much harder because we are still living it. FOr them it's over, lets move on, but we need to process every detail and make sense of it or accept it before we'll be able to move past it.

I've spent the last few weeks trying to reconstruct my life during the 1st affair and the second affair and the time in between. This need to make sense of where I was, where he was , where we were during the affairs is maddening.

Our MC session yesterday was mostly me trying to figure things out and him saying "I just don't remember. Once the 1st affair was over I just shut it out of my mind." and the MC saying "You need to understand why you need to remember. You need to understand why your wife needs to know this information. rack you brain but give her the information she needs no matter how hard it is to dig up"

We'll see what happens but in the meantime, I'm still haunted and obsessed and not getting near of what I need to be getting done done.


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
ccw82
Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, September 4th (Wednesday)

Painfuljourney:

I'm hoping I can get somewhat desensitized with time

Yes, this is also what I am hoping for. I'm honestly hoping that I get so sick of hearing the details that I don't trigger when I run across those things. Hoping!

pewpewpew:

I couldn't stop obsessing/dwelling as you say. My answer to WH was always "Build a time machine".

I have told my WH this same exact thing, over and over! His reply to me is: "If anyone is smart enough to invent a time machine, it'll be you!" Haha...brownie points maybe?

roses:


I've spent the last few weeks trying to reconstruct my life during the 1st affair and the second affair and the time in between. This need to make sense of where I was, where he was , where we were during the affairs is maddening.

Our MC session yesterday was mostly me trying to figure things out and him saying "I just don't remember. Once the 1st affair was over I just shut it out of my mind." and the MC saying "You need to understand why you need to remember. You need to understand why your wife needs to know this information. rack you brain but give her the information she needs no matter how hard it is to dig up"

This is where I am at as well. WH is trying to remember details, but since the PAs happened two years ago, it's hard for him to recall certain things. He has yet to write me a concrete timeline (that he can add to as he remembers things)...I have asked him to, but he told me he hasn't really had the time to sit down and think it all out. While I agree with him that our lives are hectic and busy, I feel that him doing that could possibly help me. The only thing I'm worried about is that seeing it in writing, and reading it over and over, will actually hurt me.


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
Arnold01
Member
Member # 39751
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Oh, how I can relate! fWH is doing all the right things for the most part, and in a lot of ways our marriage is better than it was before the A. So I am optimistic for the future, yet I seem to be trapped in the 3-4 good days, then 1 really bad trigger day where I dwell on negative thoughts and let them spiral out of control. And things I normally do to relieve stress - like running - make it worse as I have that much more time alone with my thoughts.

All I can say is that being 11 weeks from D-Day, I think the first several weeks were all about survival from hour to hour. And that need to survive was my total focus. Now that we are in a much better place, I have the "luxury" of letting my mind wander into negative thoughts. So it may get worse before it gets better.

I'm trying to use meditate to better focus myself, and I am attempting to choose to replace negative thoughts of the past with positive thoughts of all that is going well. But I am mostly failing so far. So sorry that I can't add more useful suggestions, but hopefully it helps to know you are not at all alone in waiting for time to put the past further and further out of our minds.


D-Day: June 2013 discovered two-month EA/PA
NC established: August 2013
Reconciling

Posts: 120 | Registered: Jul 2013
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Ccw....thank you for this post. The responses made me feel more "normal". I am only 1 week past NC and I am still so angry that he did this to us, if I am not angry I just feel sad. That we have lost the "specialness" that was in our marriage.

I am doing well taking care of me, I am strong in myself, but I can not get past the suspicious feelings even though he is doing everything right. But we don't talk about it. It is like he just wants to move on and go back to like it was prior to the A. He doesn't get that nothing will ever be the same. Even with the MC he didn't want to talk about the A.

Sigh...I didn't mean to ramble. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

DD was early March for me.

Up until recently, I was dwelling 24/7. Now I am starting to come up for air. I think about AP FAR, FAR less. Hopefully I am moving into a new phase of the R process.

What helps me is that when I am dwelling on the fact that I am not where I want to be R-wise, I think back to DD and acknowledge that things are a lot better and we're getting better not worse. I still don't know if we are going to be able to pull this off but we are trying.

So don't give up! One day at a time is how you have to measure it right now.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 897 | Registered: Jun 2013
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

For me I finally got so fed up of feeling sick about the whole thing. I got to the point where I knew I had to make a choice. I either went the way I was going, which was no where but DOWn and down fast or I chose to try and give my H the chance to prove what he was saying. I was the one who went and got myself some medical and medicinal help. I wanted to feel better, I wanted to be more positive for ME. That was a wonderful decision because once my swings levelled out a bit and once I had my doctor involved as well as my MC/IC I started seeing things in a much healthier light.

Being positive is a decision. You have to want to think more positively. I was tired of feeling like the bitchy old maid who did nothing but feel sorry for herself and complain. I wanted to actually think more positively.....and it worked. Do I think about the past? Yes, sometimes but I now think more on the future. With the Anti D meds I was able to feel strong enough to start thought blocking. And I also stopped letting my triggers control me. As soon as one started I would call my H and we would talk about it. My mind was making everything 10 times worse then it was. Once I slowly started taking control back over which direction i was going to think everything shifted.

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Teardrop29
New Member
Member # 40297
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one that feels my mind is going out of control.

Thanks for posting this CCW... The comments from everyone is helpful. However, I'm discouraged as I feel my days are getting worse... Its NOT really, but I feel numb. I feel like i want my marriage so badly for my children that I find myself "lecturing" my husband and desperately hoping that I could get through to him.

Was at a wedding last night and I did warn him that I cannot reciprocate his physical affection as #1 I'm celebrating a marriage while mine is failing, quite painful for me and #2 I'm just not there yet. However he kept trying to kiss, wrap his arm around me in front of the people we know despite my many attempts telling him to stop. I didn't want to pretend as if our marriage is honky dory! Was I wrong? I kept pushing him away. But I just couldn't bring myself to the present. At one point I asked him if WH understood commitment involved in marriage his response was, "there's a blond chic staring at me tonight, but I'm not hooking up with her because I'm with my wife." What do I make of this? Apparently it's proof he's a changed man. Also, when I confronted him, he said he was drunk and was being stupid when he said that.

I'm so scared that despite him saying he would never do it again and very sorry, he says things like this? Am I too harsh on him expecting him to be on point constantly? I don't know if its me pushing him away or he just isn't really remorseful? I'm so pathetic giving someone another chance when it feels he doesn't understand the impact of what he's done.

I'm sorry, I feel like I took over your post, but here I am evidently word vomiting even in writing because I just feel so hurt still, but I don't even know where to start. Are my WH and I really in R or am I just disillusioned? What do I do????


BS: me (29)
WH: 37
Together 4 yrs, Married 3 years
2 children: DS 2yrs/ DD 3mos

Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2013
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, September 9th (Monday)

I've made this comment before on a different post but I want to take this opportunity to restate it because I think it fits here. It echoes what TxsT says about making a choice to do the things that are going to help you heal. Staying in dwelling mode is definitely not one of them. You can have the mindset of wallowing in sadness, rehashing every detail and remain in a terrible state of mind potentially forever. Some aspects of support (web forum, IRL friends/family who know, etc.) make you a bit addicted to doing this.

At a certain point, you have to decide what you are going to do to help yourself move on and move towards healing rather than remain stuck indefinitely in sad, depressed, angry, bitter, resentful mode. Regardless of staying or going in the relationship. It just takes TIME to get there. That is all.

I think people struggle with this because they think the WS is getting a pass if they do this or they worry about what people who know about the A will think if they seem to be moving forward. I've learned through this experience - and I am trying to practice it (because it is hard to be positive every day!) - that you are doing yourself a huge disservice if you are stuck in dwelling mode. And you really aren't giving anyone a pass or allowing them to think you will just get over it if it happens again. It's likely that a part of me will always feel like my H was such an asshole to do some of the stuff he did. There are a lot of people who are NOW coming up to me with information. At this point, does it matter? I'm trying my best to process it but not "go there" with it, if that makes sense. I need to heal and knowing that a friend of a friend saw H and OW two years ago and thought something was up but did not say anything at the time is NOT helping me do that.

It's great to see that some people say their M is better than it was before the A. WH reports that he met two people in a support group who have similar issues to his/ours. One person's marriage broke up, one person's stayed together. The person who worked things out says he and his spouse are closer than ever and the person whose marriage broke up said he really regrets the divorce and what it has done to his relationship with his kids.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 897 | Registered: Jun 2013
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I asked him if WH understood commitment involved in marriage his response was, "there's a blond chic staring at me tonight, but I'm not hooking up with her because I'm with my wife." What do I make of this?

Um why did he have to tell you that? I think that is very insensitive to say to you while you are triggering at a wedding. Like you should be honored that he is focusing on you


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Teardrop29
New Member
Member # 40297
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Crazyblindsided, effective communication is never my WH's strong suit. He was trying to make a point... I'm more than certain he made it up. Lol. Hence, hes clearly still in the fog.

Womaninflux, I totally agree with you. The reality is that it really boils down to our choice. It's soooooooo hard to be positive though... I hope the ones whose wounds are still very fresh get to that positive place one day. I just want to get all the negative feelings off my mind and chest... I hope to someday forgive not for WH, but for my soul's peace. I'm trying 180 now, day #1 yesterday.

CCW, you wondered about 180 before... Just a suggestion (I'm still trying to find my way with it too) I started reading motivational quotes and the ones that resonate, I post on my fridge, my bathroom mirror, etc. it's helping me sort of focus on just me and keeping to 180. I'm so sick of being so pathetic I've decided to try a different approach. Just a little "feel good" boost helps with the positive quotes.

WH saw the quotes too and asked if I was trying to throw stones his way again and I simply said, those quotes will help me come out of my darkness stronger than before. He was quiet with my response... The day went without bickering because my quote helped me stay focused. It felt good actually... How long it will last I don't know... Will update you though...


BS: me (29)
WH: 37
Together 4 yrs, Married 3 years
2 children: DS 2yrs/ DD 3mos

Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2013
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Time is a big fixer and walking. I also found going to a 'safe place' and just talking out our feelings sort of designating time to think about it.

Almost a year for me and I still think about it minimum every 3 hours but it's easier to let go. The worst part is when I get hit out of nowhere 'realising' what he did.

Although my situation is not as bad as yours. So take it with a grain of salt


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 29