User Topic: Boundaries.. I have to watch them too
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

One thing I have learned through this is to watch the boudaries. Myself included. My first long term girl friend of 3 years just randomly reached out to me and added me on a social media site. I havent seen or talked to her in about 9 years. Strange... But I am going to talk to my Wife about it tonight. I am not going to accept the request. Parts of me are glad I get to talk to my wife about this. The good part because I want to be honest with her. The bad low self esteem part of me wants her to know I am still desirable to other people. That sounds bad huh?

[This message edited by IGaveItMyAll at 6:54 PM, August 29th (Thursday)]

ME-BS 34
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, August 29th (Thursday)

No, that doesn't sound bad, it sounds human.

I think it's great that you are giving your wife what you expect in return. IMO, working together like this is what makes for a successful R.

Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."

Posts: 38018 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, August 30th (Friday)

I think this is positive in two ways.

First, what AN said. Working together and improving communication. I think its easy for BS to take the righteous indignation thing way to far.

Second, you have suffered a trauma and a tragedy. What other benefit could possibly come from that other than learning. Pain, much more so than joy, is a teacher. Learn. You don't have to be thankful for the lesson, but learn it none the less.

Human. The rub is have have to watch those rascals like a hawk!

take care...

Posts: 1428 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, August 30th (Friday)

It's funny, a few years ago a guy who had a crush on me in high school sent me a Facebook message. It was innocent enough but I didn't respond and told WS.

I talk about it all the time now - not to rub it in his face but to try to show him the importance of boundaries.

Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 30th (Friday)

I told my WW wife about it last night. Her response was... she trusted me and she said "Oh, you wanted to make sure I knew about it. Thanks for being honest with me. I don't see it as big deal."

ME-BS 34
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 30th (Friday)

I do the same thing. I don't text or facebook with guys that WH wouldn't be comfortable with. Boundaries apply to both parties.

The little satisfaction of her knowing you are desirable still is just gravy. :)

I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, August 30th (Friday)

The bad low self esteem part of me wants her to know I am still desirable to other people. That sounds bad huh?

No because we all know there are others out there that will find us desireable.

I received a friend request from one of my WS friends (prick,not really a friend. he's the one that pushed my WS & OW together b/c he was having an A w/her and wanted to see if she would cheat on him(he's married too))
Anyway, I told my WS about it and it thought it was odd too. I declined it, but in a way want to know why after all these yrs he wants to friend me. We've never met once. From what my WS says this guy has alway been a player and has recently found out that this guy bad mouthed my WS @ work.
He's a POS.

Anyway you are doing the right thing by talking to her about it. I told my WS about an ex who friended me after not seeing him or hearing from him in 10+ yrs. We had always remained friends. He had moved far away when we were in H.S.
He's happily married and makes no inappropriate comments or pms me.

If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
Topic Posts: 7