Member # 33287
| Posted: 9:22 AM, August 30th (Friday)|
I am in the final stages of D and looking to the future. I have focused the past 20+ years on my W and family, it is where I chose to spend my free time. So, I do not have a network of friends nor hobbies that I participate in that involve others. I live in a major city with many opportunities though I am limited by a disability (low vision and do not drive). I have a professional occupation and am respected in my field so most are not aware of my disability unless they observe closely and ask.
I value close relationships and will be seeking companionship to get out and enjoy plays, movies, dinners, and the many other pleasures of life.
So, I am looking for suggestions as to how a 50ish man can re-engage in life outside of his M that is no more. Thanks for any input and / or experiences shared that may be helpful.
Be safe! Be happy! Be healthy! Live with ease!
BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness
Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
Member # 24961
| Posted: 10:27 AM, August 30th (Friday)|
I've been trying to get out there too and find new hobbies and friends. Especially if you are in a major city, try meetup.com. It's not a dating site, it's a site to find groups that like to do things that you like to do too. There are groups that will just go for walks, or movies, or out for dinner, or kick boxing...whatever sounds interesting to you.
I'm not having great luck with it as I'm not in a major city, and most of the groups here are 40 min away, but I have met a nice group of ladies that I'm having lunch with today, and they are doing other things too, like going to a food fair at the end of Sept, and day trips to places around us.
Check it out. You might find just what you are looking for.
BS(me) 46, kids DS 17, DD 14.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Posts: 5225 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 32258
| Posted: 12:54 PM, August 30th (Friday)|
Meetup is a good idea. If you are religious you can start visiting different chuches or even if you aren't many churches organize lots of local events including volunteering and get togethers. You can find local events in your area to attend. A good starting place is the website for your city. Many of them do a decent job of promoting local events.
There are tons of people that attend local wine tasting events, food events, concerts, art festivals. Look for special exhibits at Museums. Some of the festival stuff is winding down for the summer in my area but there is always something going on at least a few times a month.
Volunteering is a good way to meet people as well.
If you had or have some hobbies you let get away from you over the years start them back up again. Go to some events and start mingling. IMO, Re-engaging is one of those things that's extremely hard to mess up. IMO, the only way you can mess it up is by not trying. Don't get discouraged it takes awhile to find your stride again as you adjust to your new situation. Most of all have fun and enjoy yourself.
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014
Posts: 1577 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 25624
| Posted: 2:45 PM, August 30th (Friday)|
Another vote for meetup
Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.
The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Member # 8923
| Posted: 7:54 AM, August 31st (Saturday)|
What trumanshow said......meetup.com is GREAT!!
In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus
**Beloved hubby died at home 1/28/2013, age 61..** God sent me two good men in a row......and saved the best for last. Grief & joy coexist.
Posts: 2257 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
Member # 22870
| Posted: 5:51 PM, August 31st (Saturday)|
I have a platonic male friend. We meet up a couple of times per week for supper, and check up on each other periodically.
I spend a lot of time with my dogs also. People are always friendlier when I'm out with the puppies.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 7031 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 39451
| Posted: 10:19 PM, August 31st (Saturday)|
I joined the meet up too, that is how I survive the initial few horrible few weeks, I joined separation and divorce group, even infidelity support group, local single dance group, lots different things to do, met wonderful people who experienced the same, try it out.
M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 8 months
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS has been chatting and flew/met many times with a Philippine girl (20 yrs younger)
Divorcing.... Sep.Agreement finalized on Oct 18
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken hea
Posts: 142 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 20849
| Posted: 3:35 AM, September 1st (Sunday)|
Getting out and just joining things, finding shared activities, going to the same place every day and opening up a conversation (such as the gym, the park, even the grocery store)....there are friends to be made all over the place.
I made a lot of new friends when I started back to school. I'm in your age bracket and a lot of my friends are younger but some are same-age and it doesn't matter because what is more important is that we enjoy hanging out together...and now we host a game-night once a month for our friends.
Shared activities and interests is one of the best ways to meet new people and expand your horizons.
Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.
Posts: 14915 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
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