SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: I think i'm doing everything right
sunsetslost
Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

The finances are separated. She is paying what she owes for the mortgage and utilities. The house is for sale but that's something we can't control. My only contact in three weeks has been email. I'm reaching out to friends and family. Therapy. I try to stay busy. I'm eating. I'm probably drinking too much but if I'm aware of it I can curb it. I think about my new life in a new state. I think about other girls. Not revenge flings but actually evaluating other women and discovering what I like and don't like. I'm being fair and equal in all our business dealings. Because it's the right thing to do. The temptation to screw her over strikes occasionally but I move past it. I've stopped thinking about her well being. It's not my concern anymore.

And just when I tell myself that everything is going well, boom. Trigger. Anxiety. Sobbing openly. Nausea. Crippling sadness. I see what is meant by the roller coaster. Hourly mood swings. The highs have been higher lately but the lows are lower. I can honestly say that if she came in the door right now and begged me to take her back I would ask her to leave. Everything in the house has a memory or story. The place I'm moving to has memories and stories. But it also has a Gulf of Mexico and palm trees.
I'm confronting fears and anxiety every day, trying to get better. My anniversary is next week. I took the day off work. I'll be pretty worthless anyhow. Being on this site is like having the answers to a test. I know what's coming and I know it's normal. It is so comforting to have the support.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Jul 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

You sound like you are doing great, sunsets. Yes - even with the rollercoaster stuff.

Hang in there. Keep up with the self-care. Also, although it's good to know the interest in other girls is still there, take things slowly and keep yourself front and center on your priority list. There's plenty of time for that stuff ahead. For now, make it your time.

((hugs))


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22660 | Registered: Aug 2011
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

I wish you peace sunset.
Your words always move me.
You have a lot to look forward to, I hope you can close the door to the past.
Spend the day of your anniversary doing something' to celebrate you.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 579 | Registered: May 2011
sunsetslost
Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

She wanted out. She did the one thing she knew I couldn't forgive or forget. Strangely, she did everything right. She was supportive and caring the first couple of weeks. Now she's been distant and has stayed away from the house. She works early, I usually work late so she comes by the house when she knows I'll be gone.

Peace is the right word. I know where to find it. I have a pair of flip flops that are sealed rubber. They float. I have one of those foam noodles. I go to the Gulf, put the noodle under my arms and my feet float to the surface. I have actually fallen asleep floating on my noodle in the Gulf.

I know I'm not ready for any kind of relationship right now. I just find it surprising that it even crosses my mind. I hope to be able to love and trust again and it's reassuring to think that I can.


D Day: 6/13/13
Moving on. Every Single Day.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Jul 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

Absolutely.

I'm a little jealous of the ability to go float in the Gulf. Sounds perfectly peaceful.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22660 | Registered: Aug 2011
PhantomLimb
Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, September 2nd (Monday)

I'm currently in the same space -- doing all of the right things, NC, etc etc. ... But still triggering.

Just wanted to offer virtual hugs and support. I don't know how long this phase lasts. It's both sobering and bittersweet.

Best of luck with the move!


BS / D

Posts: 785 | Registered: Jun 2013
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, September 2nd (Monday)

Getting over being cheated on is a process in itself. Getting D due to being cheated on just adds to the misery. But as I said its still a process. There are going to be stages you go through. Sadness, anger, acceptance, happiness. Your just beginning this journey. And while it sucks the big one, your gonna be OK my man. I'm many, many years out. And I still get bouts of emotions over certain things. It does not mean I have not healed because I have. It just means I'm human. Hang in there Bro. I promise it gets better.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5434 | Registered: Nov 2007
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

This:

Being on this site is like having the answers to a test. I know what's coming and I know it's normal. It is so comforting to have the support.

Is absolutely true and very well said.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 452 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 8