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Reconciliation
User Topic: Stupid potatoes
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

I had a rough morning regarding A talk as well as some other stresses in my life. And then the potatoes.

We're going to in-laws for dinner and H tells me he told his mom that we would make mashed potatoes (who makes a turkey on the last hot weekend of summer??). I was upset. That upset him.

It's all so dumb. The little things can feel so big!

So in the end I told him. It felt like the old him, when he would make decisions without consulting me. He understood and we discussed what I had against mashed potatoes (the last minute cooking aspect). He's making potato salad instead so that we can just enjoy the beach and kids and not worry about the kitchen.

It's resolved but man the work is hard.

Please tell me I'm not alone in sweating the small stuff.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 839 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

It's the small stuff that matters, IMO.

That looks like a good example of thoughtful communication and really hearing each other.

Positive steps forward!


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34766 | Registered: Sep 2007
1DumbHusband
Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

This is encouraging to hear. The new lines of communication are definitely a step in the right direction. I hope to be in your place one day with my beautiful BS.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
Itsgoingtobeok
Member
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

Imho - it was nothing to do with the potato's and everything to do with your wh make a decision without involving you . My WW likes to take control and my suggestion go to the wayside . Something as simple as where to park can end up being a argument because she does not validate my suggestion . Pre A this did not bother me I would just go with what she wanted . Post A this is a major issue for me . I know how you feel you just need to let your H know any decision he makes big or small he needs to consult you .


BS-(52)
WS-49
married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty


Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
PamJ
Member
Member # 40475
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, September 1st (Sunday)

Of course it is normal. The other night while fWH was driving home we got into and argument over something he said that just struck me wrong, nothing big, normal biz stuff.

To me it seems that sometimes he is falling into his old bad habits in the way he talks to me, which to me, means he is not appreciating the fact that he is still allowed to even BE here in this home with me.

He hung up on me when i asked him to stop yelling, which he claimed he wasn't and I got the silent treatment when he got home. He said his stomach was bothering him and he didn't want to argue so we went to bed with it unresolved.

The next morning he apologized for how he talked to me, I apologized for my part in escalating it but told him had he let me know he wasn't feeling well, I would have dropped it sooner.

We talked about it and I asked him to read the How to Help your Spouse Heal from Your Affair book. It took him 4 months to read not Just Friends, so we will see. He knows I was disappointed that he didn't put more effort into that. I read it in less than a week. He had many excuses.

Such a long process.

[This message edited by PamJ at 10:21 AM, September 1st (Sunday)]


Me: BS 50+
Him: WH 60

3 EAs

2 grown sons, 1 grown step-son

Last DDay, March 19, 2013 after a few weeks of TT- trying to have a new marriage after almost 35 years.
No more chances.


Posts: 56 | Registered: Aug 2013
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, September 1st (Sunday)

Thanks for the feed back.

I know we're moving in the right direction but sometimes I feel so frustrated with even little (tiny) set backs, that I just want to quit.

I never imagined that this type of "work" could be so physically draining. For years I've wanted permission to really discuss how I feel. Now I have it and it's so F-ing hard!

Sorry, rough morning.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 839 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 6