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New Beginnings
User Topic: Breaking type
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

Was talking to my shrink about when I start dating. I told him that there have been similarities between all the women in my life. I was looking for the right descriptive word. I said, "outgoing", "formidable", before he finished the sentence for me with "dominant".

Yes, that's it. I've always been scared of asking women out, and so have waited for these outgoing, formidable, dominant women to ask ME out.

So, if I'm going to break type, I need to ask some women out. It doesn't scare me as much as it used to, but I just have no idea where I'm supposed to find these women and ask them out.

I'm a 43-year-old hobby folk musician, and go to multiple open stage and jam sessions per week. So I mostly hang with much older men, and a few much older women.

I just don't know where to do this. I'm still waiting for divorce, so it isn't a rush, but my current prospects have me thinking it will be tough.

However, my days of dominant women are over. I'm looking for someone who wants an equal. Doesn't that sound nice?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1346 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

Yes, an equal partner sounds awesome. That's what we all deserve rather than the parasites we married.

My IC says that once you are ready, your gut will be honed. You will trust yourself and have enough life experience to recognize the red flags.

This shit forces us to grow so that's what you are doing. You are figuring out what you want and need from a relationship and you are making a mental list of the crap you will never tolerate again.

You will get there.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2495 | Registered: Jan 2011
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

Thanks, suckstobeme. Your response made me smile. That's one thing all this infidelity horseshit gave me: A list of shit I'll never put up with again!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1346 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, August 31st (Saturday)

all this infidelity horseshit

slight t/j - this made me smile - horseshit is an old fashioned swear word. My Mom says it (she's 79)

An equal partner sounds perfect.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4656 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, September 1st (Sunday)

Bro I have your problem in reverse. For some reason I attract the weaker type and dare I say perhaps broken as well. The last few women I have attempted a relationship with were all damaged in some way. And they were looking to me to be the KISA to fix all their problems per se. Yet at the same time they all were afraid to make any sort of commitment. I have a take charge personality and like to portray a strong persona. Yet I'm like everyone else that's gone through what we all have. I'd like to have an equal who can hold me up when needed. Its damn hard to find that at my age. Plus I'm fairly busy in my life with many side things going on.

Add all this up and its not a good mix for me as far as dating is concerned. I have been out with friends a few times, but the bar scene is not for me. I don't drink and I find a loud, drunken woman a turn off. And sure as shit every time I'm out with the boys these are the types that gravitate towards me. So what's a middle aged guy to do ? I have decided to just let fate take control. I'm just going about my business and if it happens great. If not, that's fine also. I'm happy with the person I have become. I'm far from perfect but I'm good. I do get lonely from time to time. But hopefully one day a woman who wants an equal partnership will come my way. Hang in there brother.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5417 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 5