But I don't think she would be the person I fell in love with if she made that a condition.
This is an incredibly selfish statement. You are not the person she fell in love with... think about it... do you think she fell in love with you because she knew you would cheat on her?
So she would be asking me to shut off a part of myself if I was to give up my career
She's had to change so much, to stay with you... she had to shut off so many of the things I'm sure she believes in, to R.
Technically these events weren't apart of the affair (they weren't there), but were really markers in the whole timeline.
While your affair wasn't at the events, was it with someone you met through work? If so, than it's no wonder she's having a difficult time with it. Do you work with women? All of these things are triggers.
I know you're looking for suggestions to give to her. Maybe you should look at the clues she's already giving you. Can she go with you, and be by your side when you are crowded by people? Are there any other reasons why she's upset during these events, besides the timeline? How do you act with these people at the events? Are they mostly women? Etc...
When I read your posts, you are sounding very selfish. If you're this way with her, she's never going to feel secure and safe. If she hasn't asked you to change your job, than don't stress over that advice. We don't know your whole story. But I will say NO job is worth hurting my BGF, again, ever.
Us W's messed up. Big time. She doesn't need conditions about your job from you. She needs reassurances, understanding, patience, sacrifice, and love. And when it comes to suggestions as to how to handle this difficult time, see the five words in previous sentence.