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User Topic: I hate her.
Myheartstillhurt
Member
Member # 32430
Angry  Posted: 5:26 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

OW/xBFF and I knew each other 28 years, met when we were 2 yrs old.

I ALWAYS encouraged her, even though she never wanted to better herself.

For the last year of the affair (unknown to me of course) I was pushing her to go to nursing school. Took her to the school, introduced her to all my old instructors, helped her fill out her financial aid papers, her nursing school application, and helped her STUDY medical terminology

Then I found out about the affair.

So, I PRAYED and wished everyday that she would not make it. I wanted so badly for her to fail out. Thought she would have too since she was a high school drop out who went back for a GED and then failed out of hair school..

AND STUPIDLY, I went and looked up professional licenses today, and guess who the fuck is a Registered Nurse.

That's right. Now she has just another thing in common with me and my fWH.

I just can't wait until she applies to my fWH's hospital, or God forbid his floor he works on. I am just pissed and sick over this. I really hoped her 34 year old ass that is still living at home with mommy and daddy would have stayed a failure.

Feels like she walked away unscathed and went on to do big things, while I developed an addiction, quit my career as a nurse, continue to go to weekly IC even three years out, as well as seeing a psychiatrist for PTSD. And like her, I was perfectly happy in the things I had accomplished prior to dday. Fuck her. I hope she fails miserably as a nurse and has to take the worst nursing job out there.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2011 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

((((Myheartstillhurt)))) I'm so sorry you're hurting, honey.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24434 | Registered: Aug 2011
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

I just can't wait until she applies to my fWH's hospital, or God forbid his floor he works on. I am just pissed and sick over this.

I'm sick hearing this news. Your story has always stuck with me, Myheartstillhurt, and I've always admired how strong you must be to have lived through this.

If she does do something that repulsive, as try to work near him, would he quit his job? After everything she's put you through, would he stay far away from her and not risk triggering you any more?

((((((hugs)))))) I hope you two never have to cross paths with her and she stays far away from you and your H.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 1:33 AM, September 2nd (Monday)]


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." ~Polish proverb (<~~~ as a codependent person, this comes in handy sometimes!)

Posts: 3882 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Myheartstillhurt
Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

He has assured me that he would be able to block her from being able to work there if she were to get an interview on his floor. I am not quite sure how, but he seems very confident.

Not the hospital however, which wouldn't be as bad, but it wouldn't be good either.

And my husband is 36 years old and really needs to stay at this hospital to build up some time in the slight chance there will be retirement when we reach that age. He has been working there four years at this time so starting over is not really something that is ideal..

AND seems so ass backwards as he was there first.

But, if it does happen, I am sure I will be sick over it and want to make irrational decisions.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2011 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

I hate her too.

Just because I'm a RN and she has polluted my profession with her skank.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
broken0912
Member
Member # 39780
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

I'm right there with you "Myheart" - FWH & I met OW when she was just 14 yrs old at a 12-step meeting. We practically raised her. She is 30 yrs younger than him. He was the best man in her wedding and Godfather to one of her children that I just reminded him of and he claims not to remember that at all, (not sure if he doesn't remember being the godfather or which child he godfathered) even though I'm pretty sure A was already going on when her BH asked him to stand up for their child in church.

She knew that I had agreed to never have children because he already had his own and didn't want anymore when we met. So when the A wasn't working as well and think she could feel him starting to pull away, she made sure she got pregnant (she had already told me that she & her H hadn't had sex in over a year). A few weeks after telling me this and after my H broke off the A, her husband came over and announced that "they" were pregnant - immediately, before thinking, I said "How did that happen?"

His reply, "It only takes 1 time." So once she figured out she was pregnant, she went ahead and slept with her own H one time to cover herself, just in case my WH still wouldn't leave me for her even though she would be the mother of his child.

This was the girl that I tried to encourage for years (we both did) because she was always so miserable. Her H was a jerk (or that was her story) and I kept telling her she didn't have to stay with him.

I got a tummy tuck in 2007 and she had all this loose belly fat and was as fat as I was or more so (200lbs). I was so pleased with mine, I tried to talk her into getting one to make her feel better about herself. She told me she would never be able to take that much time off of work. I now know, her thinking was, "he's fucking me more than you, so obviously, I don't need a tummy tuck"

She was "always" working, which soon became her excuse for why she couldn't do anything with me anymore, but always had time to hang out at our house. When we moved to our new house, I worked on my computer & watched tv in a room next to the living room, yet she always sat in the LR with my WH while he watched sports and still I suspected nothing!!! I figured out she liked him more than me, and thought she might have a little crush, but never in a million years could I imagine he would go there with this fat young daughter figure.

She is now in the Community Corrections system (baby prison) for fraud, theft and some other charges (though not serving any time for the $2500+ cash she stole from us through the years that we just figured out about a couple of years ago.) She is supposed to serve a 4 yr sentence, but will probably be out within 3 more months which means only 9 months.

I should be happy that she is in prison and has lost permanent custody of all 3 of her children to her now XBH, but it just doesn't seem enough. Reading your post makes me feel bad for you, and grateful that the "BITCH" is at least paying some consequences for her actions.

Sorry so long & didn't mean to hi-jack your post, but feels good to vent. I hate that BITCH & yours too!!!


BS 49
WS 61
OW 31 now - 23-24 when it began
dday-9/4/12
M 13+ together 16
HIS DC: D-33,S-25,S-22
MINE: 0 -he was too old to have C at 44, but had OC at 57
LTA: EA 1-2yr then 1.5 after pa end
LTA: PA 3.5-4 yrs

Posts: 97 | Registered: Jul 2013
anewday78
Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

Ugh! It really sucks when there seems to be no justice in the world. Bad things should ultimately happen to bad people, right? Guess what? They do. Bad things happen to all of us. Just from your description of her, it sounds to me like she not a solid decision maker - she makes poor choices and needs others to guide her in the right direction. What a horrible disposition, don't you agree? How paralytic. Now that she's lost such a good, supportive friend who provides solid advice and a well of encouragement who will lead her out of her next rut? There WILL be one.
MyHeart, what I'm about to say comes from a loving compassionate place - don't let your anger allow you to become paralyzed like her. You're better than that. Of course you have every right to be angry; however, you cannot allow that anger to consume you to the point that you're hoping, praying, and waiting for something earth-shattering to happen to her - that day (although it may very well come) may never be apparent to you. And what will you have after all that hoping, praying, and waiting? A lifetime of missed opportunities to be happy and feeling fulfilled. You don't deserve that and that is the one thing YOU CAN CONTROL. Focus on your happiness now and stop focusing on her misery. You should be doing the things you love - including the work you love. When you can get yourself back to that point, you will have won. (((MyHeart)))

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, September 2nd (Monday)

I am pissed off too! Seriously, this makes my blood boil for you. (((Myheart)))


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 809 | Registered: Mar 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:25 AM, September 2nd (Monday)

Gosh I can see why you feel this way...just not fair. Hope she gets to unplug several bowel impactions on her first day...


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4719 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Myheartstillhurt
Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, September 2nd (Monday)

Thank you to you all for the responses.

Today is her birthday, which I struggled with last year, but barely even recognized it until I realized the date.

That alone is progress.

I still am not thrilled she somehow made it through school, but oh well. I do believe she will continue to be a bottom dweller, even if she has a decent income.

Hopefully our paths will just not cross. I am working on my Master's in Nursing Education and will be done in December 2014. At that point I plan to work in a school of nursing, so there should be no need for the two of us to ever run into each other at a professional level.

I really hope she stays away from my fWH's hospital.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2011 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
want2seelight
New Member
Member # 40733
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Myheart I have been following many of your posts and my heart serously break everytime I read your story. Its as if I punish myself again and again reading your stroy again and again and crying and trying to feel your pain.

How are you doing now? did she find a job? even my blood boils whenever I see every OW getting on with a normal life while BS struggles especially in several cases where OC is involved is particularly hurtful. OW in my case was an unknown face who just likes ti hit with married men but still it hurts like hell to know that she might be enjoying her gifts and life as someone's OW while my family stays in jeopardy, I am on the edge of madness my marriage's innocence gone forever and my husband stained forever and my child might loose their father and she just walks away.

Even I wanted to quit my job in the aftermath but never did because I realized its the only security and independence I have and was necessary incase I took D. So I have started compartmentalizing of my own. I use my job as an escape. for some time where you can forget your messy personal life.

Do know that we are all together and I am sure God has decided his own punishments for people. but this is still not enough when you see the OW just walking around freely.


Posts: 22 | Registered: Sep 2013
niaveone
Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

As one fellow RN to another, you and I both know lots of people can pass the NCLEX but not have a clue how to critically think on the job. If she is that bad, she won't have a job anyway. Or she'll screw with the wrong co-worker, etc.

Karma will get her. Bide your time. She'll lose her license or her job and realize she can not be you no matter what she seems to think.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 16 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 193 | Registered: Aug 2013
Myheartstillhurt
Member
Member # 32430
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Wanttoseelight:

I have no idea if she found a job. Finding that day stopped my snooping, as I FINALLY realized that snooping only causes me pain. Plus, at this point, it doesn't even matter if she gets a job. I haven't spke to her or seen her in 3 years, so there is a chance she is a different person today. I don't know, we all have the capability to change.

IC is working with me to quit allowing her to have this power in my life. I am seriously considering EMDR, as I want her out of me. Three years, and she still gets to me. This is just too long to allow someone else to have power over you. I know this in my head, but somehow can't get the awful feelings out.

Don't torture yourself with my story, there is always someone with worse. And betrayal is betrayal. All of us here are dealing with it. I am in such a different place (most days) than what I was when I arrived here. Life is much (MUCH) better.

niaveone: Yes, I know many nurses who are total idiots, and am amazed they passed NCLEX. I can only hope she searches and searches and gets only those RN jobs none of us want.


BS(me) 32
fWH 36 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010

Posts: 2011 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Michigan
want2seelight
New Member
Member # 40733
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, September 29th (Sunday)

Dear myheart
I know you are desperate to break her hold on you but I beleive it is normal for you to experience these as she was like a sister to you. Even if you didn't snoop it would have formed a cloud over your head.
Don't be too hard on your self for her affecting you cuz its normal and I feel you have some superstrength because getting over a situation like yourself requires a lot of strength. It speaks volumes about you.
I don't purposefully torture myself. I just have this urge. Just like the mind movies of the details. You know they hurt you but you still keep playing it, feel the pain and replay it.

Posts: 22 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 14