SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: when they are out with the AP
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

What do you do when it's night time, the kids are in bed on your night with them, and you know your WW is out with the AP that she has chosen over reconciling with you?

I don't want to care about this!


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 648 | Registered: Aug 2013
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

In time (that awful thing we repeat ad nauseum) you will not care any more. It will be something that doesn't affect your life, doesn't cross your mind because the ex won't matter to you any more.

But for now, I hear snapping yourself wih a rubber band is effective in switching your brain around. Get yourself busy with something- read to the kids, play a game, bake cookies, go for a walk- anything to get your mmind on something healthy.

And hang in there. Indifference is your goal, but I know it can take a long time for some to get there. Keep posting here, call a friend IRL, and in time it will get less and less.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3534 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Griefstricken25
Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

The thought of WXH with OW used to drive me INSANE. In my head, they were having sex every second, and I nearly went beserk thinking about it.

Those thoughts do go away eventually. Invest in a good counsellor. Find a support group. Do whatever you can to heal YOU, and those thoughts will no longer matter. Your EX will no longer matter.

(((hugs)))


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2504 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

Hobbies are good. I play mandolin and two types of banjo. When that stuff is driving me crazy, I either post here, or play some music. It often helps.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1798 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Pippy
Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, September 1st (Sunday)

Wanna know what I did while he was out with her? I went into our filing cabinet and copied EVERYTHING financial and I mean everything, 2 copies each. It gave me a feeling of control when my my life was combusting.

Then I took all the copies and the photos of all his toys - sailboat, 4 wheeler, snowmobile, tons of tools, etc. to my lawyer. I figured he already hated me so what did I have to lose?

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I was so meek and mild, we never fought. He'd never dream I'd do that.

Oh I also went into his computer where the stupid bastard had saved her emails.

[This message edited by Pippy at 8:58 PM, September 1st (Sunday)]


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9587 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I go out and do my own things or take a rest or do something fun with DD. It used to ache, but nowadays I think of Fatty B as a fool and I have a feeling that someday her fan will be covered with sh, too.

It used to feel very acute when he drove off after leaving DD after a visit, but now I do what I can to drive out the sound and never, ever watch the vehicles drive away because that's where he was going. Do you know, he used to actually toot the horn?

One thing I never do is contact him and the other thing I never do is act interested in himself or his life. Pretending that you don't care can be a start and show detachment before you feel it.

I'm sorry for your pain and hope it will get better soon.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2187 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

After the kids were in bed, and he was gone were some of the worst times to go thru. I couldn't leave(the kids were asleep), I couldn't sleep. I spent my time posting on a forum not SI (wasn't a member when my marriage ended) and spent ALOT of time in the chat room. It helped to pass the time.

It was a difficult time to get thru, somehow you do get through. It does get better with time.

Do what you can to be kind to yourself, hobbies were hard for me -a lot of mine were tied up with XH. I had to find new ones that didn't remind me of him. I also cleaned in the middle of the night.

Hugs, you WILL get thru this. We are here for you.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4987 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 7