User Topic: My ex
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, September 2nd (Monday)

I have an Ex.


I'm still coming to terms with this.

It's taken so long, and I've referred to her as STBX or STBXWW for so long, I still haven't internalized it.

Yes the divorce continues to develop. My lawyer is going to file a new post-trial motion this week. But the one unchanging fact is: I'm divorced, and I have an Ex.

For such a long time, it seemed this would never happen.

Surprisingly, it's unsettling. I've been in a sort of limbo so long, there's a kind of difficulty dealing with all my new options.

I will deal, but I need time to adjust.

Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5181 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, September 2nd (Monday)

I get it TH. It was 4 yrs in limbo for me from the first filing.
I needed it final and was very relieved when the day finally came.
Like you it hit me, I have an XH !I was a single woman. A second marriage over for me.
It took time to process this new self title but a year later, it feels good to say XH.

It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, September 2nd (Monday)


I can relate. After 5+ years my X and I finally signed and notarized the final papers a couple weeks ago. It really hit me. I've moved on in my life in almost every possible way but that didn't matter in the moment. The finality of the situation is disconcerting. I'm still sorting through my feelings thought I've regained some equilibrium that I had lost.

I hope you work through it in good time.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I prefer to think in terms of 'the X' rather than 'my X'. That's what works for me.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20292 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

It does take getting used to, a new normal.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5284 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I'm not D just yet but he is already the X to me.

I don't refer to him as Ex-husband not merely because of a technicality but because I can't stand to use the word husband about him. At.All.

Interestingly I've just realised I feel the same thing with the word 'divorced' about me. Perhaps when the time comes I may feel strange about it too. Right now there is an X but I am not a divorcee.

People I meet assume I am divorced and I don't correct them - nor do I want to. I just don't say it myself.

I don't want to be married to him so that's not the reason why - I suspect it is because I didn't ever want to be divorced and I still wish I had never married him.

So strange how these things still creep on us. Kind of like noxious weed - you think you've eradicated it and then you notice another little sprout. They are far easier to pull but we have to keep on top of them lest they run riot again.

Be gentle with yourself - I hate these little nasty surprise triggers.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)


My x went from being my spouse to my x in 90 days. I thought that was hard. I can't imagine it taking years.

Be kind to yourself.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7772 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Yeah that was and still is really hard for me to bear sometimes. That term was always for other people or only in the movies I watched. Now it was reality for me. It does hurt a bit everytime I say it. What's even harder sometimes for me is how to refer to HER. What I mean is I just can't say her name to other people. When I refer to her in term of my son I now say "Junior's mother"

My best friend from high school caught me using that term on the phone with him. He laughed and said sometimes that's the best way to handle it for you personally and become detached.

BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley

Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)


Technically I'm not divorced yet (2 weeks and I should be!) but I already call him my ex here and IRL. I don't like using the word husband though so I just say ex, the ex, or "my ex". I'd refer to him as "the worst mistake of my life" if that wasn't so long.

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

but I already call him my ex here and IRL
For me there definitely was something different after getting it all final. Been through this shitstorm twice and after it kind of just hits you. The end of that part of your personal story is over.

It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

((TH)) It takes some getting used to. I listed myself as single on an application recently and it really felt weird. I've decided that's what I want to use from now on because it's all about me and nothing about him. Divorced will always be about him, in my mind. I always call him the X. I've only recently started using his name again, when talking with his folks or to others that know him or of him. I figure it's all a sign of further stages of detachment. I'm 3 years out from the divorce, which only took 6 months. This crap takes a long time to process.

[This message edited by kernel at 9:25 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5297 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 11