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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Hardest at home
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I'm only into the second week of separation, but I think I noticed something this weekend while home with the kids that is concerning me. Last week, when I wasn't home, I felt strong. I felt like I didn't care what my WW did or didn't do with her AP or otherwise. Then when it was my turn to be home with the kids I felt down, missed her, and was not able to give my best to my kids. I am worried about this becoming a pattern, so I have to watch this. I don't want my time with the kids to be this consuming focus on what I have lost.

Has anyone else experienced this?


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 707 | Registered: Aug 2013
hopeandchange
Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Kg
I was in a total daze for at least two months. Autopilot when with the kids. Just keep at it and it will get better, slowly
H&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 405 | Registered: Sep 2011
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I've been the complete opposite, kg: When my kids are here, things feel a little normal. When they're not, I have too much time to think about all the badness.

But it's getting better. I'm starting to enjoy my own company more, and not think about her QUITE as much, and I'm sure it's bound to get better.

It will for you too. Eventually you'll just step into Dad Mode, and things will seem normal.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1992 | Registered: Jan 2013
sartre
New Member
Member # 40071
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I'm with pass. Days alone, like tonight, are horrible. Especially the time between finishing up all the chores and bedtime. Your post seem to indicate that when you have the kids, you are also at family house? That would make more sense to me. I kept the house and I'm here all the time, kids or no. There's this scaffolding of memories everywhere that helps when the kids are around, but is oppressive as hell when I'm alone.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Jul 2013
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Are you doing one week in "family" home and one week somewhere else- swapping with your WW so the kids can stay put?

I admire you for this, but I think it's part of the problem. You don't have a clean break from her. Her "ghost" is always there, the memories and scents and just things that are her are constantly in your face.

I had to get out of our home and get my own. One not ever touched by his nasty ass. I think you are doing a great thing for your kids, but at what cost to you?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3605 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:43 AM, September 4th (Wednesday)

House sharing usually does not work to well. Might be best for all involved to sell the marital home. My XWW was entertaining her OM in our home while I was not there. This caused much stress for me and it had to go. I think you need to do the same. And dont think for a second that its best for your kids to be there. They pick up on your emotions and are smarter than you think. Your basically exposing them to further dysfunction by allowing this. Perhaps a change of scenery and residence is the best course of action. Food for thought.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5676 | Registered: Nov 2007
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, September 4th (Wednesday)

We are trying to do the two home thing and keep the kids in the house. It is tough, but alternatives for us don't seem possible. For one, financially we can't afford to sell the home and get two new places. Second, with my wife's health it is very possible that I may be a widower in the net two years. Because of that trying to maintain some stability for the kids is even more crucial. So there is some sacrifice I have to make, even though her A has thrust us into this situation. I think my weekend funk was caused by a blow up on Saturday, and my therapist pointed out that I have to work on my reactivity so that I can break the cycle of feeling angry and then powerless.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 707 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 7