User Topic: Do AP's often have more than one A?
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I've often wondered this.

I know that ex's AP had a colleague jailed for rape when ex started working there. All of the boses there were really shocked as they thought her to be a bit of a tease. Also, this woman calls herself a lesbian (clearly bisexual!), and the fact she had an A with a man who was in a long-term relationship with a young child and another one on the way makes me think that she has probably played this game before. She definitely appears to have some control issues surrounding men.

I'm not focusing my attention on her by the way but it is something that has popped into my head occasionally.

Any thoughts?

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

My WH's AP had at least one prior A with a married man. She actually contacted the BS to warn her that she was concerned about their child's safety because he could be violent. Hearing that story terrified my WH that the AP would contact me. She never did. I suspect (based on this story)that the AP enjoys undermining marriages.

Posts: 722 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I have no idea, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least.

I do know my husband had multiple affairs, even "cheating" on one of his AP's with a previous AP.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 34484
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Of the women who knew he was married they all had a history of cheating on their partners or with previous partners. My WH is a SA and I would imagine his partners had SA traits - so that could be a bit different.

BS - Me, 41 SAHM back in grad school
WS - Husband, 43 SA dx in March 2013
T-20, M-18 college sweethearts
Multiple DDays since 1999 - OW's all the way back to engagement
Most recent DDay 8-12,false R 1/13
DD-11, DS 13 with ASD

Posts: 779 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Virginia
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

You do understand that when you ask "if AP's often have more than one A?" that your WS is also an AP?

I don't know the answer to the question, either. I bet someone will get some stats on that, but who knows how accurate those studies/stats will be. A common trait of AP's seems to be one of lying.

Anyway, if I am to believe FWH, this is is his one and only affair. His AP, however, was caught in bed with its 1st BH's married friend. Two marriages destroyed. OW moved in with the MM, and started having an affair with my FWH. OW fucked my FWH a few weeks before and a few weeks after it married the MM.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9796 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Stats? You want stats?

Well… A person that has had an affair is statistically 4 times more likely to cheat again that someone that hasn’t cheated is likely to start cheating. So yes – many WP have more than one affair and thereby very likely more than one affair partner.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5565 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Interesting replies.

I did think that if someone cheats then they have probably either done it before or will do it again.

SisterMilkShake, my ex told me at the beginning of our relationship that he cheated on his ex. Then when I mentioned this after discovering his infidelity he claims he and his ex had split up. Yeah right!

Why I didn't go running then I don't know. I guess that's my downfall: trying to see the good in people.

I thought ex might have had an indecent meeting with his ex at the beginning of our relationship too but he swore at the time that was not the case. Obviously now I don't believe any of that.

So it's on to the next person he is going to cheat on, poor woman.

I just feel sorry for my children as one day they might discover that their father is a cheater and/or serial cheater.

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

My H said this was his first A but he has definitely had inappropriate "friendships". I guess now I would say they verged on EAs.

His AP was engaged when they started their bullshit. She also started seeing someone else (single guy) when her and F were having troubles. She finally broke it off with her F in January, he moved out in April and then her new BF moved right in. She is actually the one who ended the A with my H.
I would love to tell her xF he never had a chance and tell her new BF she was sleeping with my H the first 4 mos of their relationship. What a piece of work! I stumbled across a blog of hers that she had posted saying something about cheating on every boyfriend she had ever had, shocker!

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

My husband had two, one of the OW's was caught three times, avcording to her husband, and my AP's wife said she didn't think I was the only one....

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.

Posts: 5249 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

OW was single when she met FWH. She had an OC by him. She went on to be involved with 2 more married or engaged men (possibly 3, that I know of), and have another OC by the last one, whom she is now married to.

My FWH started with what I now believe to be an EA with one woman. Began sleeping with OW. Once he was kicked out and living with OW, he had MULTIPLE women (he and OW had agreed to "not be in a relationship", just "friends with benefits" who lived together in a camper).

I worked with a woman who, in the 4 years I worked with her, had at least 8 As that I know of, with married co-workers. So yes, there are serial APs who are single.

BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014


Posts: 2310 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Bigger wrote:
Stats? You want stats?
Well… A person that has had an affair is statistically 4 times more likely to cheat again that someone that hasn’t cheated is likely to start cheating. So yes – many WP have more than one affair and thereby very likely more than one affair partner.

Interesting and I can see that this is probably true.

Remember tho that our WS is someone elses AP.

So. What does this statistic say about OUR WS?

Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Dunno. FWS didn't know OW well enough to know. Which I think is pathetic. After the fog lifted fWS realized she really didn't know anything about OW. FWS knew NO ONE that knew OW to collaborate any information OW gave.

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

WH was not his AP's first affair. She has had a least one prior to their affair and admitted to meeting another man in a park to see if he would be interested while they were in the midst of their affair.

As for my WH....well, I don't know. He says he has never cheated on me prior to her (or on any previous girl friends) but only he knows the truth.

[This message edited by Zayda1 at 7:38 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]

Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Yeah, mine had at least 2. He also cheated on me before we got married.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
New Member
Member # 40413
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Yes, they do, usually cheating is an need for those who choose to do it, no one ever cheat just once, they have no principle for honest, and you bet they indeed have more than one A, even in the same time.

Me BH 31
WW 29
DD 07.2013
DS 2
Working on R

Posts: 12 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: somewhere in hell
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I am reasonably confident that this is true; my WS only cheated with one person (two years worth but only one person). His AP was AT LEAST on her second affair.

AP wasn't caught the first time. I'd like to think that my WS will consider the consequences in the future. As for his AP, I simply don't care.

Posts: 626 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, September 4th (Wednesday)

Gosh is anyone immune from infidelity!?

This post has made me trigger about the poor boundaries ex had with women.

I can think of at least two occasions where he really overstepped the mark. And on one of those nights whilst we were at a party he disappeared and left me to make my way home alone. This was after he had been all over one of his work colleagues, when we both worked for the sane company, and they were all over each other right behind my back.
My friends told me about it. He claims nothing happened and that he was just pissed and walked home.

Hmmm? I'll never know.

The other instance was at a friends wedding when, during the early hours of the night him and a friends then girlfriend were really up close and personal. She was also dancing with him, grabbing his tie, pulling him up close to her and lifting her leg up in to him. I got really pissed off with him and went to bed as he thought he was doing nothing wrong.

So this had made me think he probably did cheat at some point back then. And I have no doubt he will do it again as he is not working on fixing himself, not even for the sake of his children.

Anyway, I'm not feeling sad about these triggers, if anything I think I'm starting to feel indifferent which is good! :)

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 3:30 AM, September 4th (Wednesday)

MarriedOW surely did engage in more than one sexual relationship outside of her marriage. I think probably a good handful of them. And it turns out WH engaged in phone sex with another "old friend" earlier in our marriage.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, September 5th (Thursday)

Thirty years after my WW's A, I spoke to her AP on the phone. He said he was dying of terminal cancer and was calling those he had done wrong to make amends. I told him that although I had forgiven him and WW, for a long time, the news of his illness would have been an answer to my prayers. His answer shocked me, "Yeah, you and a hundred others. And that's just the ones that found out."

Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Member # 31529
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

My WH MCOW left her first husband for her second. She had been married to her second husband for about 18 months and my WH was the 4th or 5th man in their department that she had had an A with since married to her second husband.

I would say she has a problem...

Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: the south
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

This is my WH first affair and last while married to me..
detective found out so much crap on this Bitch- OW(single) 25 when with my H had multiple affairs with other Married men.. in the Double digits... What is wrong with people. She had daddy issues for sure but I don't give a shit. oh and she was the OC as her mom was a MOW whore.

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

H's former whore had left her (then) h and her two small children after getting prego during an a with the man she is with now

She then had an a with another man at work before my h's a with her. (found this out by a supervisor I knew at her work)

After h's a, she had an a with another man at work, then the neighbor across the street then she tried to hit on the lawyer up the street from me (his wife stopped it dead in its tracks before it happened).

So YES, "whore-a-celly" was a busy little lady.

Note: in talking to a neighbor around the corner recently ( a somewhat friend of ow h) I was told that the little sluts h went and had himself an a with a woman at work after he found out about her a with my h.

Posts: 2463 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

So many sad stories....very sad.

The OW in our story was had a horrible relationship with H Nd her H had actually told her he was going to divorce her so who knows. A few of her work mates who know our story think this wasn't her first A. She was a bitch and held a very high position in a multinational firm and they thought she had slept her way there.


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

My STBXWW's POS AP had an affair with another married woman prior to the one with my WW. Wonderful KISA, that one. Good choice, WW.

But I'm sure their infidelity will all be a thing of the past now that they are together and have found the one person on whom he/she would NEVER cheat.

Rots of ruck.

Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

Posts: 1625 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

The BH of my X's MOW told me that she had had another affair with her boss prior to the affair with my X. My X says this A is the only time he cheated, but why on earth should I believe that? I don't think he had others, but I'll never know and it hardly matters now.

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 32585
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

Dreamland, I think our husbands screwed the same OW. The only difference is she was only married for a year but the same history! Bitch

Posts: 95 | Registered: Jun 2011
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

The cOW has had multiple A's. in fact WH was warned away from Her because of her history. She had another A while with my WH, and another since then with another coworker. Come to find out she was also the HS cumdumpster.

Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I don't know about XH's current girlfriend's history( MOW from his A)but I do know that when he was bedding her during our marriage, he was simultaneously
having (at the very least) an EA with an employee whom she did not know about, "because she would be ticked". And apparently he is cheating on her again now. SIL told me he asked for help to password protect his phone from her snooping.And I happen to know he spent a fancy romantic weekend away - but not with her. HA!

On the other hand, OWEmployee had an A with her previous boss - and was bragging at an AA meeting that she was having an A with a married man, while she was with my WH. Skank.

[This message edited by trebleclef at 10:38 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]

True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 2:21 AM, September 6th (Friday)

It is so sad to hear of these multiple affairs.

OW has definitely got daddy issues as far as I'm concerned and I wouldn't be surprised if she was now crossing boundaries (just friends!!) with men in her new workplace.

Apparantly ex is now in counselling, well so he says. I'm glad to hear this as he might be able to fix himself so that he doesn't carry on with his bad behaviour as my children grow up.

That is my main concern.

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 4:39 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Dindy I could have written your post! When I met AP, before I knew of A, I told her I was pleased to meet her as I get a bit jealous sometimes. She actually told me I had nothing to worry about cos she was a lesbian. She then went on to say she never tells the men she works with cos 'they would all want 3somes with her!' Ego alert!!

Then she told me she likes women for sex and men for the emotional side of things cos women are bitches. She actually admitted to using men and 'going through the motions' sex wise to get what she wants but never enjoying it! She told me 'I know I shouldn't do it, it's leading them on and cruel in the end when they fall in love with me but I love the attention!

It looks like she was telling the truth there if nowhere else. H's reaction when I told him was that it figured. It explained why she never touched him, never responded, just offered herself and manipulated him til he didn't know which way was up.

I know she bounces from man to man cos she changed her affections from H to another man in his workplace within a couple of weeks, she goes as far as to kiss and hug him in front of H and the boss!!! All the boss said was put her down to the guy This guy is at least single but it has had a positive affect on H cos it has made her see what she is like and how stupid he was to fall for it. It's clearly a game she plays constantly.

When we told her she had better get herself tested for std's after I got oral thrush she said 'well I don't sleep around' but she had one guy a month before H, one straight after, H, the new guy and the guy she lives with and her army of admirers, at least half a dozen of them according to her. Er... I am pretty sure that counts as sleeping around. That's all in 6 months and I can't believe she cares if they are single or not.

So yeah, I believe there are women out there who love the chase and like to have guys hanging on their every word and deed married or not. It's in the chase and the attention, for her at least!

Together 19yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr2013 pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 804 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Single OW had at least 2 As before that I know of.
After my partner she had 4 different boyfriends within 4 months, two of which she cheated on.
She's gradually making her way through the town so much that she is now single and no one who has ever heard of her will go near her.
Some people will never learn!

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Stats? You want stats?
Well… A person that has had an affair is statistically 4 times more likely to cheat again that someone that hasn’t cheated is likely to start cheating. So yes – many WP have more than one affair and thereby very likely more than one affair partner.

Is it time to hand out the Captain Renault Memorial Casablanca award?
Captain Renault: I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!

Croupier: Your winnings, sir.

Also, this woman calls herself a lesbian (clearly bisexual!), and the fact she had an A with a man who was in a long-term relationship with a young child and another one on the way makes me think that she has probably played this game before.
Interesting study I read a long time ago, although the source was Maxim magazine, so take that for what it is worth. Apparently, lesbians are statistically likely to have 20%-40% more male sexual partners in their life than women who identify as straight. Most likely because they are not involved in committed relationships with men, so every time it is with a different man. Not sure what the point is, but it seems like it might be relevant here.

[This message edited by aesir at 5:08 AM, September 6th (Friday)]

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Wow aesir, that's an interesting point you read there about lesbians usually having more male sexual partners.

I definitely feel that OW loves to have the attention of men in power. She jailed the guy whose position my ex took over for rape.

Not that I'm saying she wasn't raped as I would never say that. It's just that at the time me ex had to be trained by this guy on sly whilst the court case was taking place. It was all very hushed and the big bosses thought she was a prick tease. Then ex had the cheek to defend her because she was raped knowing only too well that I was raped, thanks a lot!

Then she has an A with ex once he starts getting promoted. What a great life for him: me struggling at home with a 2 year old son and a baby on the way whilst he's constantly getting his ego rubbed from his bosses and his lesbian lover.

And olwen, yes, our AP's must have went to the same school for 'how to fuck up happy couples because I have daddy issues'. They are both clearly bunny boilers!

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Topic Posts: 33