SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Anniversary Dinner....
stungbytravel
Member
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

My wedding anniversary is tomorrow. I made plans to be with some girlfriends so I didn't have to be alone. However, WH just texted me and asked if I would be interested in meeting for dinner?

We have been separated for 2.5 months. I have not spoken to him in two months except for a few texts.

What do I do?

[This message edited by stungbytravel at 1:23 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Why would you want to?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9810 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
stungbytravel
Member
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)


I have no clue why I would want to and no clue why he would want to ask. I am actually afraid he is going to tell me he wants a divorce on the date. I dont want that.


Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

You already have plans with your girlfriend. I suggest you keep them, especially since the possibility exists that your WH might use the opportunity to hurt you even more.

Keep your plans. If by some chance he's wanting to reconcile, he'll be able to deal with the fact that you already have plans with your friend.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9810 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

I would not go.

If he is going to ask for the D...you don't want it on that date. If he isn't going to say that, you don't want him riding the coat-tails of happier past-days associated with that date.

I would tell him you have plans and go out with your friends.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2170 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Don't go, stung.

If in 2.5 months he has done nothing to make amends for what he has done, having dinner can only lead to disaster.

He may be planning on dropping a bomb, or he may picture himself some kind of hero for inviting you out. Either way, only a few texts over a few months indicates that he does not care very much about your feelings. Don't let him make you feel badly for declining - it's a really inappropriate offer under the circumstances.

I love the idea of you going out with girlfriends. It's still going to hurt and feel weird, but you will hopefully be with people who love and respect you.

(((stungbytravel)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17758 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
sunsetslost
Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Mine is next Monday.

I don't plan on even turning on my phone.

Don't go. Protect yourself.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 770 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
stungbytravel
Member
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)


Any idea what I say? I don't want to be a bitch about it.

Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Just say, "No thanks. I have plans."

After two months of non-communication, you owe him no details or explanations. Be firm.

If you want to be polite as well, that's okay too, but he doesn't get a window into your life anymore.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2080 | Registered: Jan 2013
osxgirl
Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

Your answer is simple - I have other plans. That's it. No details. He doesn't deserve any.


Posts: 2405 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

^^^^I agree. He needs no explaination as to why you don't want to go. He no longer deserves one. Go and have some fun with your friends.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

My WH and I met for lunch about 2.5 months after he left. He was really confused and we talked some.

So,, I think you want to go eat with him to see what he wants to say.

I'd personally tell him you have plans for that night, does he want to go out to eat Fri night instead.

That way, if he is interested in talking about something good or bad it's another night.

Do not change your plans, however. Remember words do not work with these people, only actions. You are showing him you are a strong, capable, fun loving, and loved person. He really doesn't deserve you and he doesn't deserve you to break your plans.

If tomorrow night is the only night he will tell you whatever it is he wants to say, then FTG. When you first met him, and he asked you out, and you had other plans, if he didn't try any harder than that, would you have continued to date him?

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 3:06 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2195 | Registered: Jan 2012
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, September 3rd (Tuesday)

You are not a bitch by declining, no matter what guilt comes over you or how he responds. Remember that.

(Easy advice to give, hard to follow! )

(((sbt)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17758 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 13