Welcome to SI. I am sorry that you had to find yourself here. But I am glad you found us. We understand the pain and confusion you are going through. You are not alone.
Please take the time to read and post here. You will find strength and courage here to heal.
A great place to start is the Healing Library. It is in the yellow box on the upper left side of the screen. There are articles and FAQs there.
There are also a bunch of great threads in Just Found Out Forum. Some of them are:
A Great Post for Newbies to Read
Before You Say Reconcile
Boundaries and Consequences 101
They may be a couple pages back but worth the read.
Take care of yourself. Try to eat, try to sleep, try to get some exercise, drink plenty of water. Keep reading and posting. You can survive this. Let us help.BS 39
fWS 36 (broevil)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better
"Knowing is half the battle"
Expecting progress not perfection