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User Topic: could the OW be lurking?
soconfusednow
Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, September 5th (Thursday)

Do you ever wonder if the OW is here & has figured out your username,

just lurking,

waiting for the right thing to appear that she can use against you with your WH?

[This message edited by soconfusednow at 11:59 AM, September 5th (Thursday)]


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Painfuljourney
Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

No, they won't be because they have no conscious or care about how much pain they cause. IMO At least that is the case with the OW in my story. She's a coward who tried to take my husband from his wife and kids. A person like that has no morals or values and wouldn't be here unless she was cheated on herself.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

Gosh no....do you know how much work that would be?

Not to mention, how many times do you read someone's post and think "I could of wrote that!"? They would be facing that with every post they read (is that them? this one could be there? Or maybe this one?)


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2056 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
sullymeishadomi
Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

In my case its highly a possibility.

First, she supposedly was cheated on by her second h. If that is true, she probably did find this place.

Second, just recently wh brought up the disappearance of his nice shirts I had bought him on my two trips back home. Those shirts cost a pretty penny on sale. Said shirts were in her closet for a year.

Up until recently he thought he had left the shirts in his country. Just the other day he mentioned the shirts were distroyed and some were given away to a friend of mine.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8215 | Registered: Sep 2007
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I wonder about that, too. I think if they read the background or profile stories it's possible to find the BS of their AP, especially when dates and circumstances are written out in great detail. Throw in the genders and ages of kids and the length of the marriage, it wouldn't be too hard to narrow down a BS.

It all depends if they care enough to go to the trouble.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
heartbroken2012
Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

Not a chance for the OW in my life...she is really stupid, no morals, has no regret for what she did that there is no chance.

Im glad. I wouldnt like her to invade this part of my life either. In fact I secretly hope she is back at having sex with men at work so one day she will get caught and fired.

[This message edited by heartbroken2012 at 12:21 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 549 | Registered: Jan 2013
IDeserveMore
Member
Member # 40460
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I'm thinking like Kierst13. How would they do it. They would have to read posts until something sounded familiar and then read the person's profile.

Or just read tons and tons of profiles.

On the other hand, I wonder if some terms are searchable enough that a goole search would find the profile. I haven't written out my profile yet but maybe someone else could try it and see what it finds.


Me BS 45, him 48, 15yo DD and 13yo DS
DD#1 1998, DD#2 2004
6 years of TT yields chronicity.
I may never get over it.

Posts: 69 | Registered: Aug 2013
StepAside
Member
Member # 29826
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I don't worry about it, even if my profile was read, it wouldn't match up to the 'story' given by fWH. It was *gasp!* LIES!

[This message edited by StepAside at 12:31 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


Me 48yrs, king of douchebagastan- 50yrs
too many A's to bother to count, he is a predator that targets losers like himself
Last Dday 04/12/2010-Divorcing if/when his cumdumpsters lend him some $ or balls and he files
The fear of illusion is real

Posts: 1516 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Ingersoll Ontario
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

My WH's AP? No way.

But there have been instances here on SI where the AP DID find the BS here...and also,sadly,there have been WH's who have shared their BW's username on SI with their OW...it's exceptionally cruel to allow the AP *that* window into our lives.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7318 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Eudaimonia
Member
Member # 32445
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I think it's highly likely, also, that many OW (doesnt seem like men fall into this category as often) see themselves as the betrayed when the WH goes back to the wife. I read an article on infidelity the other day that allowed comments at the end and seriously around 60% of what I saw in the comments was OW who felt that the wife "stole" their true love from them. I stopped reading quickly because it made me nauseous. I just wonder if there's any of those nutjobs here posting as BSs because they see themselves as the victim.


So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Posts: 472 | Registered: Jun 2011
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I often wonder if OW is here, too. The things I've written would make it crystal clear to her who I am. But I really don't care.

She might seem like Ms. Wonderful to just about everyone, but inside she's a moral-free alley cat.

(Whoops, excuse me! That's Dr. Wonderful--she got a PhD last year with a lot of help from FWH, and boy does she flaunt it. FWH and I have PhDs, too, but we're only Dr. to our students--Mr. and Ms. elsewhere. We're not medical doctors, after all.)

OW, if you're reading this, yes, I mean YOU!

And TruthorGoodbye, I do think that OW feels betrayed and abandoned by FWH. She's sent FWH two e-mails since D-Day. I think she's pining, and fishing, and hoping to learn that we've split. Both e-mails have told FWH to let her know if the e-mails are a problem. I'm sure she's hoping that they cause a huge rift between us.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 390 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

If we want to go by my WS OW, yes she certainly is capable of reading this stuff and putting in her two cents as well, but wouldn't her true colours come out? After all, she deliberately had an affair with a MARRIED MAN. Oh yeah, she was fed the line living like brother & sister....but, come on after 3 years and he's still with her and your visits together are less and less - how stupid are you???????

Posts: 1043 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Josephine01
Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

No, I don't wonder if OW is here. But, I have wondered if the man that she is cheating with, if his BGF or fiance is here. Or her first h EXBW is here.

I don't know the current BGF or the name, other than the first, of her new BF. But, I feel sorry because I know there is someone else out there in the dark or feeling B.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Bikingguy
Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I have wondered if OM's BW is on here. I have read post/responses that sounded like they could have been from her.

And yes it would be pretty easy for either OM or OM's BW to determine me from post or profile story. But oh F'ing well. I am not altering anything (OK life has certainly changed) to worry about that.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 670 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
velvethammer
Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

Oh I hope she finds it because she didn't know he was cheating on her too!

And, we both trashed her on here so I really hope she finds our threads. Pretty sure she'll know it's about her because she effed her cousin.


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
TrulySad
Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I know the OW could lurk on this site, and I'm sure some of them do. Oh well .

For any that do, it just goes to add to their pathetic life and how little they have in their own world.

Do I think they may discover who we are? I suppose it's possible, but we have to remember they did mess around with the man/woman who lied and cheated on us. I'm fairly certain who they think we are isn't even close to who we actually are and our stories on this site.

Remember, to them...
* Our partner is single (he/she forgot what that annoying band on their ring finger was put there for)
* Or we are the horrible partner (I guess we should have left the kiddos at home, to show up in a deserted parking lot to suck their ever-so-amazing limp stick)
* They never touch us, and haven't in months/years, because we're so damn boring in bed (That explains so much, as I sit here rocking baby number 12)
* They have filed for a divorce (cause that's what every spouse does as he/she just purchased tickets for a family vacation).

I could go on , but for some silly reason I'm kinda having a little happy moment knowing some OW/OM find our lives interesting enough to stalk.


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 444 | Registered: Jun 2013
Eudaimonia
Member
Member # 32445
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

Trulysad, good list, but I''d like to add
*They are in an open marriage, but their wife (who is boring and hates sex and doesn''t like to go out and simply doesn''t like "fun" in general and "isn''t likable or capable of having friends because she has a degree in philosophy" doesn''t like to know anything about the extramarital sexcapades, so it has to be kept under wraps.

[This message edited by TruthorGoodbye at 11:36 AM, September 24th, 2013 (Tuesday)]


So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Posts: 472 | Registered: Jun 2011
selkiescot
Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I think she or my HW might be a lurker. I posted something quite nasty one day about them. Right after I posted.it he called me to see if I was ok. Coincedence? hmm maybe my gut says NO however.

[This message edited by selkiescot at 5:39 PM, September 5th (Thursday)]


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Simple
Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

The thing is my FWH is the one that tried to lurk here. But I did not tell him my username. He did not quite ask but kind of accusingly asked that this lady is talking like you blah blah. And I said "no that's not me" and stayed quiet. He was pissed that I was talking about our lives so publicly. I told him that maybe he shouldn't have written out in social media that he was single or that his wife's a ____.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

Nah, COW shuns the interwebs because it give the feds that much more of a heads-up for making good on some of her outstanding warrants.


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17066 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
sable
Member
Member # 32869
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I doubt it. She is too busy keeping up appearances elsewhere, preaching to others about how they should practice "kindness and love" to heal the world.


I'm the BW. M 10+ yrs, 1 child. Trying to R
DD 1: 7/18/11 Sexting/EA, caught before it went PA. Met OW#1 on AM
DD2: 5/31/13 - 6/1/13 2-Day PA with OW#2. Claimed she was a therapist and knew he was married.

Posts: 159 | Registered: Jul 2011
Girlietoo
Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

Well I don't think she would but just in case...."hi, PL, which married co-worker are you letting in your pants these days..hope your mom and dad are well".


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 247 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

No, MOWs BH refers to her as "A Moron" ~ I gather she probably can't read.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

My User name is very similar to my email account. I am not sure she could connect the dots but she is smart enough to. She could be here, she might not but if she is she has read exactly what I and my husband think about her as well as all the positive posts and responses I have given to others. She would know 100% that there was no room in our M or our lives for her.

My FB page also screams that. For the friends of mine that know of the situation, which number very fee, they love how I throw digs at her all the time. My profile picture says it all....H and I happy, smiling and in love!!!

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
absolut
Member
Member # 37933
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Not too worried because the low IQ ho uses the computer at the "liberry"

But just to be extra careful and protect my anonymity, I'm switching to Kettle One.


Posts: 421 | Registered: Dec 2012
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I have thought about this. At first I doubted it, even though she seems to be obsessed with us. Showing up where we are all the time...

Then a few days ago I get a PM on here from a new member. Only has two posts that are both just a couple word statements, and was asking me questions about our life/sex life before and during his A. Was getting very personal.

Do I think it is her? You bet I do! I hope it is her, I want her to know that she didn't break me, that I am stronger now, and that she never had a chance in hell of him leaving me for her.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
soconfusednow
Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Well I don't think she would but just in case...."hi, PL, which married co-worker are you letting in your pants these days..hope your mom and dad are well".

Thanks you made me laugh


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Tesa
Member
Member # 10002
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, September 6th (Friday)

His OW can't spell Surviving or Infidelity.

If she got someone else to search for her then I hope she knows my screen name. I'm posting nothing but the truth so she can suck it up, for all I care.


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Mar 2006
cancuncrushed
Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, September 6th (Friday)

i have wondered, but I doubt it. I think if she did even know about it, it would be because she sought pleasure from everyones pain. I do however, worry, that they will make an APP that will show you who has searched for you since the beginning of time. i really wouldnt want her to see how much investigating I have had to do. TT's


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 891 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I don't have to wonder. I know the OW lurked here and read what I posted. Now-exH told me. Both of them did, during what was false R. I have no proof of it but I suspect they both continued lurking for years after ex left me. Not just on SI but on social media sites and my blog, too.

Apparently I am just that interesting, don'tcha know?


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12144 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I think that if you are very worried about it, the Moderators may be able to look to see if a particular e-mail is registered.
Mods?


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
UndecidedinMA
Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I would doubt it but she stalked me on FB, by email, phone etc... so I wouldn't put it past her.

Actually I hope she, she can read how we are doing well in R. BTW if that's you DBC, we are going with the family to WDW then a romantic cruise in the spring!! SO K...M...A!


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Yes, I have thought of that., because ws is still involved with her. He has gotten into my phone before and I could see him telling her about SI. She's just the kind of bitch that would think it was fun to eff with me on here. I'm careful about what I say and take precautions with my info...kind of mix things up a bit, if you Kwim


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4932 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
RightTrack
Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I hope she does, then she would get an idea of how little he actually cared for her. I think they could match up DDays, most of our DDays are theirs too.

Posts: 616 | Registered: Sep 2012
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I honestly hope many OW's lurk here. They could learn so much, and maybe take advantage of the wisdom and necessary two-by-fours on the Wayward board.

If my H's former OW is reading:

I hope you fired your useless IC and got someone who will help you face your serious inner damage. Please do not attempt any intimate relationships until you do the hard work to become a strong, whole, emotionally healthy person. If you just can't stand to be alone, manipulate a single guy, for f@ck's sake.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Lyonesse
Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Whorangutan is too self-centered for that. If the website is not entitled, "Poor Me," she wouldn't have any interest.


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1794 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, September 20th (Friday)

OW did lurk here; she and Trac-fone enjoyed harvesting my pain for entertainment, as well as to fuel their continued contact post d-day. ("Ooh! She's so mean! No wonder Fate joined us together!")

She may still be around. I don't know. I don' t think she knows who I am now, but don"t much care.

I do know she utterly lacks remorse. She and Trac-fone really were quite a match (though she's far too venal to leave her husband's money.)


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8579 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Red  Posted: 10:13 PM, September 20th (Friday)


Ok everyone, it's one thing to discuss whether you think the OP is reading here. It is another thing to post to them. We as Staff work hard to keep you safe here. Of course you are ultimately responsible for the information you choose to share on the internet, but if there is a problem, please bring it to us. Otherwise, we ask that you don't post messages to people who may or may not be reading. We don't need a bunch of people registering for drama.

FLAMING & ATTACKING: Please refrain from attacking another member, publicly or by using the SI.com Private Message feature. Do not bait or call out others. This includes members and non-members.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44458 | Registered: Sep 2006
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, September 20th (Friday)

waiting for the right thing to appear that she can use against you with your WH?

*Use* how?

I think that I understand what your point is...that OW will be able to use the "she is saying <this> or <that> about you! What a wench!"

But if you think about it....if your WH is so willing to be influenced by *her* opinion.....then that doesn't say much for any R attempt on your part, does it? Not to mention the fact that, at this point, he should be NC with her and shouldn't even KNOW whether she is reading your shit or not, right?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7942 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 39