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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Keep walking!
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I was telling myself all the way home that I would not yell. I wasn't going to get angry. The switch over from my WW being in the house with my kids to my being in the house for the next two nights was today. And as I was pulling in to the driveway, smug WW and her mother are walking out of the driveway to go to the car. I pull in and start walking to the front door. Ignoring them. WW asks if I need help with the kids tonight. I say, "You don't need to worry about it." F'in mother says something about my son being worried...and I chime in with, "It isn't any of your concern!" And as I am walking through the door and about to close it I hear a mocking "blah blah blah" from the mother. Shitwads.

Now I'm fuming. After my self control earlier in the day where I ignored mommy-dearest, they get my anger up. Friggin' double-team. Arghhh. I tried. I guess the best I can say is that I didn't continue engaging, and closed the door. Just frustrating.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 691 | Registered: Aug 2013
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

So her mother fully supports that her daughter is a cheating, lying, POS. That's Klassy!

I don't think you were out of line at all. Good for you for telling mommy dearest to butt out.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 891 | Registered: Mar 2013
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

So her mother fully supports that her daughter is a cheating, lying, POS. That's Klassy!

I said something similar to my WW a couple of weeks ago (without the POS part). I couldn't understand how a mother-in-law that had always said what a good son-in-law I was good have been in a three-way communication with the AP and my wife in regards to my marriage. I even offered at one point to discuss this with my MIL, but she basically said her main concern is the my WW's health and the "best interest" of the kids. I haven't said anything to her since, until this afternoon.

Just frustrating.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 691 | Registered: Aug 2013
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

And as I am walking through the door and about to close it I hear a mocking "blah blah blah" from the mother. Shitwads.
You have got to be bullshitting us! Really? BTW, you handled yourself perfectly. They wanted to rile you up but instead you said what you said and went through the door. Be the stronger (and obviously, more intelligent) one. Her mom is acting like a baby ~ she needs some diapers and a pacifier.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2191 | Registered: Oct 2012
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, September 5th (Thursday)

I think you did very well. It's hard not saying anything when you're provoked.

Go rough house and laugh with your kids-laughing while doing something physical with my kids worked wonders at clearing my mood from dealing with XH and NW .

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5066 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, September 6th (Friday)

The first, hardest and most important step is not giving her one more second of your emotions.

You were brilliant.

In time you won't have these emotions about her at all - except for a touch of withering pity.

As NIK once so eloquently put it "They know which buttons to press because they installed the fuckers!".

Your give-a-fuck will be broken soon enough. Fake it till you make it. Let the anger wash over you and use it to strengthen your resolve to evict her from your heart and mind.

You are being far too hard on yourself. I think you showed super-human restraint. I promise you it will get easier the more you do it.

These days I don't struggle with not engaging - I struggle with not bursting out laughing.

You've so got this.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 8:01 AM, September 6th (Friday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5554 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Do you still intend to go to M/C tonight? Even more than ever, I think it's just going to turn into a bitch at kg session.

Is D becoming more of an option? That kind of environment can't be helpful to the kids. Hell, it sounds like MIL needs to be kept away from them.

At some point(sorry to be blunt, but honest) your WW is going to pass. What will MIL do then?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2820 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Still going. I have been telling myself all day that I am not going to lose my temper. Part of tonight has to be a discussion abut our kids, so that may take up most of the time anyway. Our MC is also my younger son's IC. I am not expecting much else. As I mentioned on the other thread my older son's questions from last night will probably also come up.

I do know my wife is deathly afraid of my keeping the kids away from her mother once she passes. I'm not a vengeful sort, so I know I can't keep my kids away from their grandparents forever. In fact my main approach, in my mind, is that my kids are old enough to make their own decisions about whether they want to see them or not. My kids aren't my possessions to make those decisions for them, and ultimately, other than my wife's affair, they are well cared for by my wife and my inlaws when they are with them.

The main focus really is on myself right now. I have to feel better about my situation, so detaching as much as possible is my priority.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 691 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 8