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User Topic: Single OW = make believe wife
naivewife
Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm really struggling with the way that WH's relationship with OW was literally like they were husband and wife. OW was single and it sounds like so many A's here are between two married people. Because she was single, WH would walk into her house after work and she'd do the whole June Clever BS and have dinner waiting for him, then chat about his day, give him a BJ and then screw like two horny pigs. "I'm so happy you're here, Honey." "Take off your shoes and relax." "Dinner is almost ready."
All the while I was at home with a newborn and two year old, desperate for my husband, for adult interaction, for someone to hold the baby so I could take a shower or just walk upstairs and unpack my hospital bag that sat unpacked for months because I had no one whatsoever to help me.
This fake childless fantasy marriage he had stings so much. He had a different wife last winter. He wasn't my husband and he didn't bother to tell me. He disowned our children because he wanted to relax and enjoy a "quiet house" and be pampered.


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 342 | Registered: Feb 2013
daisychains
Member
Member # 37997
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I,m right there with you naivewife. Wh had a single ow too - he lived away from home during the week for work - had his own flat and still moved in with her for several months because it was nearer work. He had his own key to her house, could come and go as he pleased - he would make her dinner because he loves to cook and she had him rearrange her kitchen to suit them both. He had clothes there and even took our company books over there so when I would phone him and he said he was home doing the paperwork he was. I guess that's one of the reasons I refer to her house as the shagpalace. So yes I too feel he had two wives and two lives.

I'm sorry you are struggling - I wish I had some words of wisdom but I am nowhere near getting over it myself. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your particular version of this shitstorm.

((naivewife))


LTA 3.5 years

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: uk
sinsof thefather
Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 6th (Friday)

The selfishness involved in that is literally staggering. I hope he at least sees that now. I well remember those early days of motherhood and my heart breaks for you - when you needed help the very most he betrayed you instead. That's a hell of a lot to try to get over. Not to mention he put himself and OW over bonding with his newborn.

(((naivewife)))

[This message edited by sinsof thefather at 9:22 AM, September 6th (Friday)]


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1882 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Same here!

Divorced coworker OW (she has no kids) lived near work, so I am sure WH loved to be able to go over there & loved how she "thought he was the best thing since sliced bread."
After all,if he came home, I might be angry that he was never home & never helped me at all with the kids/house ( plus I also worked outside the home.) Its kind of like he checked out of our marriage.

All the while I was at home with a newborn and two year old, desperate for my husband, for adult interaction, for someone to hold the baby so I could take a shower or just walk upstairs and unpack my hospital bag that sat unpacked for months because I had no one whatsoever to help me.

^^^^^^^boy do I know what you mean! BTDT.
Since our youngest is a teenager now, I can tell you that some of that gets better.
At least, in a few years, you will be able to take a shower again,before he comes home. But there is still plenty of work to be done, that requires 2 parents.

I always thought that marriage/raising kids was supposed to be a team effort. Guess that's a fairytale.



together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Skankywhore was single as well. He would go over to her house while her kids were at school and spend 2-3 hours once or twice a month. He says it was just sex, nothing more, and bad sex at that. BUT... why do you spend 2-3 hours with someone just for bad sex? Especially since at that time he was a self proclaimed "2 pump chump", which was one reason why I had stopped having sex with him. He says it was because she wanted to see him more often than that and he didn't want to, so it was the compromise he made to shut her up. I say... WHATEVER!

[This message edited by shatteredheart7 at 9:32 AM, September 6th (Friday)]


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
sullymeishadomi
Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Idiot did the same thing.

He had keys to her house and cars. He took his clothes there (including the expensive shirts I had bought him...and had thr nerve to bring home the ugly ass shit she bought him). He referred to her basement as his sanctuary and, to be honest, if I had any self respect he wouldnt be breathing after he told me he went there to his basement to get away from the noise of me and our then infant and toddler.

About a yr ago I found a text from her to him on the secret phone she gave him asking if chicken for dinner that night was good.

Thing is, if fantasy house play became reality, life would not be all fun and games. It would be, you know, real life. Even idiot boy knows that to be a fact. He told me he would never make it even semi official because then he would lose the oiled massages etc. He actually told me all of this crap.

Understand I have been dealing with this since july 2007 (I was pregnant at the time). I have become ratber jaded. Im not so much hurt as using all of this as a reason for me to leave (just have to poop or get off the pot).

Imo, they do this to feel good. None of it is real. What is real is dealing with crying newborns, bills etc. These fools will always be searching for a eutopia that is not there.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 11:06 AM, September 6th (Friday)]


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8390 | Registered: Sep 2007
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Single OW = make believe wife

Yep. Change "Single OW" to "Single OM", and our situations were very similar, naive.

Just call me naive husband.

I'm sorry for your pain.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1451 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Painfuljourney
Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, September 6th (Friday)

OW was newly divorced. But thankfully lived 4 hours from us and WH only saw her 1 time in person (nothing sexual) and then it was mostly phone EA and Sexting, then one opportunity to meet when he had his out of town route and she was 200 miles away, opportunity struck. They got in a tizzy and fucked and spent the night together in Best Western. Can no longer visit Best Westerns now, thanks.

But I wonder if she was local how it would have been different. Would they have fucked more and how would things transpire? I need to ask him that now. lol

I agree the selfishness is mind blowing. Wow, you have a newborn and a 2 year old? And he is playing house with fucking June Cleaver? She has steak and potatos, BJ's, relaxing music, candles, wine... How can you even compete? May the OW in your case get a horrid case of herpes, triplets, varicose veins, cellulite and a wart on her nose for starters. Let her get FAT and stretch marks.


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Yes, OW is single and our daughter suffers as I have while he is playing house there.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Dawnie
Member
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Ditto me!

OW was a 23 year old single childless "party girl"....
I was his 41 yr old wife of 20 years who demanded that he pitch in and help with our then 14 yr old son...

She was his make believe wife, but the difference with my situation is that they played house IN MY HOME!!!!!!!! We owned a vacation home and my son and I would be there many weekends in a row and weeks at a time.. and she basically moved in my home during these times. She cooked in my kitchen, slept in my bed, showered and used my bathroom.. it was all hers in my absence... this is just so sick to me and I dont know how any human being better yet my husband of 20 years could do that.


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, September 6th (Friday)

All the while I was at home with a newborn and two year old, desperate for my husband, for adult interaction, for someone to hold the baby so I could take a shower or just walk upstairs and unpack my hospital bag that sat unpacked for months because I had no one whatsoever to help me.

I'm sorry. This really tears at my heart. I'm sorry he let you down in so many ways when you really needed him.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Lovedyoumore
Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Yes, that was my H life for 3 months. Keys to house and car, he went nearly every evening, sometimes coming home late and sometimes spending the night so the could wake up together like a real couple. They grocery shopped, got take out, picked up wine, and had intense conversations about life and how they were going to save the world.

You are right. That winter he had another wife while I waited at home for him. I was lonely, thinking he was putting in long hours at work, but he was really living out his fantasy with the SOW. (Single other woman). Oh, she does look like a sow.

After DDay and after the rose colored glasses shattered, he admitted she kept a filthy house full of cat hair, dirty litter box in kitchen, nasty torn sheets, and fruit flies from a compost box kept in the kitchen.

It would have been nice for him to think about saving his own marriage before moving on to saving the world. What a couple of sad, needy idiots they were giving up their morals and principles for cheap sex.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1527 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
naivewife
Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

and had intense conversations about life and how they were going to save the world.

WTH is this? WH and OW were going to "live a life of service." Such saints these cheaters are.


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 342 | Registered: Feb 2013
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Yep. Single OW with very little responsibilities and not demanding him to do his fair share.
Same story here.
I've told WS many times I wish he would have provided ME with that "bubble" or that I was immoral enough to take it myself.
This is one of those things that after 18 years of it being me and him "against the world" that I don't know if I can get over.
He made it him and HER against the world and left me floundering.
And their "world" was total bullshit, unicorn farts and community theater. (no joke).
He even said that when he was at her place he would pick up after himself because he knew she was OCD about cleaning.
Ok...he still leaves his shit laying around my apartment when he comes to see the boys or visit me.
What the hell?
I pointed out to him that while I was fighting for our marriage he was running. He said he didn't see it that way. I said, then how do you see it?
He said, well I guess I was running away.
Yes, you were. Coward.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

There is an SI member who says that when WS are with the OW and they can create a little love nest they are living in a world where unicorns fart rainbows that smell like cotton candy.

I loved this analogy.....I know it doesn't and won't make you feel better, but it gave me great pleasure to envision my WH being yelled at by OW when things suddenly got to real in their world. She would be yelling in a totally snarky voice "clean up all these piles of rainbow coloured shit everywhere...you know I can't stand the smell of cotton candy you asshole" and him hanging his head and wishing for the good old days where he only had to deal with me and the dog and he never had to touch a piece of shit.

Sorry but thought maybe everyone might need a smile ((( hugs))


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Yes right there with ya.., Single OW.... 25 but she still loved with mom but kept telling my H about the apartment she was getting and how exciting it would be going there together. She was a real stupid skanky Ho..my H told her " good for you but i dont really care". They were fucking in her car at park and ride.. she asked him to take her to a hotel..I caught him looking for cheap hotels before valentines..(near our house.. which is near park and ride). So he was weary since he told me he was looking for us .. for our romantic valentines outing.. I said point blank you are looking at cheap motels near our home for a romantic night out.. No thank you I would rather stay home.. My suspicions started.. So he told her no.. I don't want to spend money so we can still fuck in your car. He was quite the asshole but she's stupid and just a cumdumpster.
She would be pretending to cook... Ha..boiling pasta.. Is not cooking. She would say I can't wait to cook for you once I get my apartment. He told her.. why???my wife cooks great and has my dinner ready for me. I am not sure if that's a complement or just a fucking asshole. But the good thing he never lead her on that they would be together


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Yes right there with ya.., Single OW.... 25 but she still lived with mom but kept telling my H about the apartment she was getting and how exciting it would be going there together. She was a real stupid skanky Ho..my H told her " good for you but i dont really care". They were fucking in her car at park and ride.. she asked him to take her to a hotel..I caught him looking for cheap hotels before valentines..(near our house.. which is near park and ride). So he was weary since he told me he was looking for us .. for our romantic valentines outing.. I said point blank you are looking at cheap motels near our home for a romantic night out.. No thank you I would rather stay home.. My suspicions started.. So he told her no.. I don't want to spend money so we can still fuck in your car. He was quite the asshole but she's stupid and just a cumdumpster.
She would be pretending to cook... Ha..boiling pasta.. Is not cooking. She would say I can't wait to cook for you once I get my apartment. He told her.. why???my wife cooks great and has my dinner ready for me. I am not sure if that's a complement or just a fucking asshole. But the good thing he never lead her on that they would be together

Typos fixed


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
ItsaClimb
Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

YES! I get to be a member of this club too...

OW in my case was divorced and get this: her 6 yo child lived down the road with her mother as he was too "difficult" for her to care for!

My husband spent Tuesday and Thursday nights at her house. It's like he was a "timeshare husband" She was his wife 2 nights a week and I got to be wife for the other 5 nights....


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1022 | Registered: Oct 2012
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

I'm in this boat too. Hello Kitty is a 30 something, never married, no children, dumb whore. She lived out of state, so the Gnat would fly to see her on "business trips" or he would fly her to where he was working at any given time.

Like you, I was home with a 5 year old and a newborn baby. He completely shit on me and the kids. He then left us and moved her to our state. They are now shacked up and playing house. I think it's just a matter of time before they are married and having a baby (she wants one desperately). I'm waiting for unicorn fartland to come crashing down.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 920 | Registered: Mar 2013
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Wow, you have a newborn and a 2 year old? And he is playing house with fucking June Cleaver? She has steak and potatos, BJ's, relaxing music, candles, wine... How can you even compete?

There is no competition. There is only a complete and utter failure on the part of the guy feigning the role of Husband/Father.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7484 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
hopingforhappy
Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, September 21st (Saturday)

OW tried this with FWH as well. She was fixing up a place that she referred to as "theirs". She got mad at him because he kept telling her that he would bring some of his things over--but never did. (Can you say "Avoid conflict at all costs?") She tried the cooking dinner things, too. FWH said she was a terrible cook.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1334 | Registered: Aug 2010
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, September 21st (Saturday)

This makes me sick and sad for the faithful BS who have endured this awful scenario.

My husband's EA lived out of state, but I have no doubt things could very well have progressed to this level if they had been closer.

She has one grown son and is currently married to an older man who has provided her with a very comfortable lifestyle.

She can expose her self to melanoma risks and leather skin by going to tanning beds year round, sleep all night every night, get her fancy nails done every week, and spend money on her wardrobe/lingerie without worrying making sure his child support gets paid (he has a child out of wedlock from before we met.)

I'd like to see how these bimbos hold up under real pressure...you know, like cleaning up the bathroom when your WS is sick with a stomach virus, folding their worn out underwear, salsa all over the ceiling due to a malfunctioning garbage disposal, and keeping up with the demands of young children, including the sleepless nights that come with the territory.

HA!

She wouldn't have made it a full 12 hours in his REAL LIFE.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
whatamidoing
Member
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, September 21st (Saturday)

My OW single living the hi drama high romance lots of travel life

My son comes home from each time WH has her with them on their days mad about how needy she is

She has lectured me about holding up their relationship and I should just let WH go

She tells me about how we should all just be able to get along and blames me for the lack of peace

She is rude condecedinging and accuses me of harassment and stalking

I hate them both right now


A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
_________________________________
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 186 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Unbelievable what these clowns are capable of.

Fuckwitch had Babycakes by the balls so badly that she had apparently decreed he was to be faithful to both of us ONLY and not to dabble with any of his other playthings as long as they were an item.

He tried to break it off three times before we moved into the dream house, but then she decided to blow it all out of the water with a phone call in the end.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:46 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17530 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Iamacrab
Member
Member # 40410
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

WH did this as well. He had her dogs vet information in his phone, helped her w things she needed. He had things at her apartment, even before he secretly moved in with her, then brought everything home and back again twice in trash bags after they broke up and got back together, while supposedly in long distance R with me.
He told MC that "it wasn't fantasy life bc they worked through real life issues together" (one of those being her heavy drinking apparently, that ended with him very hurt and appalled that she would chose being out drinking, having fun and lying over a real relationship w him)
Really WH? What did you do to me for yrs over a decade, culminating in your DUI and me driving you around for months when you couldn't drive? But I shouldn't still be that upset about, bc after all, you partially realized bc of her what real love is, and you don't feel that for me.

At least, I know where things stand and what I need to do for myself.
The insanity of it boggles my mind though. At one point MC said to me "think about who he is acting that the "wife" is here, and how you really want to live your life" - that really hit home in a sad, awful way.


Posts: 103 | Registered: Aug 2013
prowoman
Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, September 27th (Friday)

this is exactly what my WH did w/ his 21 yo old whore. she's a single party girl living alone and he can escape me and our children who are bringing him down to go have the carefree life he deserves. meet up for lunch, cook dinner, go out for drinks, go to sporting events together. whatever fun thing she felt like doing if he could pull it off without "arising suspicion" from me (so he thought) he would be there. funny how she doesn't catch on that he's not her husband and he only spends the time with her when it can be squeezed in around his real life. funny how he would never sacrifice his real family to be with her because as much as he might enjoy feigning the single no kids life and being doted on by her we're still number 1. as hard as she tries as much as she gives up she can lay down everything for him and he will still never leave us.


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13 and Divorcing
OC Born May 14

Posts: 129 | Registered: Sep 2013
befuzzled110
Member
Member # 35787
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, September 27th (Friday)

You are not alone. My WH's other women were either single or in the process of contemplating and going through a divorce.


Me: 37 and awesome
Him: 42 and not so awesome
OW1: 47 and desperate OW2: 34, freshly divorced, was once my friend OW3: is OW1 who took in WH during seperation.

Posts: 201 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Michigan
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, September 27th (Friday)

I am in the club of single ow. She thought he belonged to her. And dday # 2 was yesterday after a yr of false R. Come to find out she told him that she will always and forever want him.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
Littleleaf
Member
Member # 37752
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Yep. WH 44
Whore 23
Gross. And why not just shoot me?

Posts: 88 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 29