User Topic: feeling sad :-(
New Member
Member # 28391
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Been separated for 3 months now... today is our 10 year anniversary and i'm feeling very sad because I never expected to be in this situation after 10 years. I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with him.. Is is normal to feel this sad on the first anniversary after separation?

Posts: 47 | Registered: Apr 2010
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Yes for sure. I was a mess. Meanwhile, he was moving in with the OW on that very same day.

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3385 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
New Member
Member # 28391
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Oh Spark.. so sorry to hear that.. :-(( I'm at work trying to stay busy but it's not working.

Posts: 47 | Registered: Apr 2010
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm so sorry. My 8th anniversary is Monday. I dreaded it for a while. I will go stay the night with my parents and then have a therapy appointment. I took the day off work because I knew that wasn't going to help anybody. I don't know how I'll be. I'll probably leave my phone off so the WW can't contact me. Doubt she would but still.

Love and strength. They say it gets better with time. Take care of YOU!

Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 770 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, September 6th (Friday)

My 22nd anniversary was in August, and I found out about his newest OC the next day. Yes gut wrenching, but then I started to think (and laugh) that this was turning into a really bad Maury show! That just solidified (not that there was really any doubt prior to that) that D was the right thing to do, and even though I never wanted to lose my marriage, I mentally decided the personal price to keep it was simply too high.

You are fairly new into your separation. Try to find things to take your mind off of it. After work go do something for you to create a new memory for the day.

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1183 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Absolutely normal!! I hope you are able to do something special or relaxing. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Hugs!

Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2268 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm sorry you are having a hard time today. My anniversary is coming up next month and I am already dreading it. I think it's totally normal to be sad, I know I will probably be a mess.

M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
New Member
Member # 28391
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words.. it's been a very rough day.. The only thing getting me through this day is I have our boys this weekend and I plan to put all my energy and focus on them...

Posts: 47 | Registered: Apr 2010
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, September 6th (Friday)

so VERY normal. Here's a bunch of hugs for you (((((((((((hurtmother)))))))))))))

Its the roughest day ever and its ok to feel the way you do. The good thing is that you are planning to do things with your kids this weekend. That's the best thing you can do. If you can't do much, don't worry about it. You need time to grieve too.

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I am sad all the time. Thinking about what we had. Who I thought he was.

My birthday is coming up, and my daughters birthday and then the holidays....and it all seems utterly dreadful....

so sorry!

Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, September 6th (Friday)

(((((sleepless)))) so sorry will get through it.

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Is is normal to feel this sad on the first anniversary after separation?

I would say yes. Our 10th anniversary was a couple of months after I kicked my ex out.

I spent almost 2 days straight in bed only getting up to use the bathroom and get an occasional drink of water (the kids weren't with me those 2 days). I didn't want to spend those days in bed but I had no willpower to do anything else.

My POS ex sent me an email the morning of our 10th anniversary apologizing for "not being a perfect husband" and said he was sorry *I* thought of him as a disappointment. Not an apology for cheating, no remorse for what he did, just more a SI member put it "the most unapologetic apology".

The first anniversary post Dday is HARD, no doubt about it. To have that first also be a milestone type anniversary is awful. 10 years is a big anniversary and should be full of happiness, love, a sense of accomplishment and optimism for the future, not the exact opposite.

What helped me was thinking about how much worse it would have been if it were my 25th anniversary or 50the anniversary! So many years spent with that loser. I then began happy that it wasn't my 11th anniversary as it would mean an extra wasted year on that loser.

(((hurthmotherof2))) I'm sorry that you have to go through this horrible mess.

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, September 6th (Friday)


I am sorry you are hurting. But you are doing amazing!!!

Just feel the feelings sweetie. They will pass.

As always sending hugs.

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1299 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Member # 40302
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, September 7th (Saturday)

Hugs, Hurt. I feel your pain. I'm really lonely and sad tonight, too. It's not my anniversary, but I work with STBXH and it's hard to deal with that everyday. It's hard to still want to know what he's doing and how he's feeling, if he's okay. But, i didn't stop loving him just because he isn't capable of loving me. I just wish I'd had the guy I thought I was with. I wish he could have told me before we got married that he wasn't the marrying "type." I wish none of us had to go through this and we could all have been with someone else who could handle the responsibilities of marriage as well as the good parts. I'm lonely, too. I think a lot of us are. Divorce sucks, but I don't want to work it out. It was the only option in my case. I don't know about yours, but I assume the same. It's not because anyone thinks this is fun, lol. I guess, tonight, we'll just go ahead and pretend that things are different. That it isn't Friday night and we aren't at home alone. That the world didn't stop spinning when it all fell apart. I guess we just have to move forward, be strong, and know that tomorrow is going to hurt less than today did.

D12/13...he's a sociopath.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, September 7th (Saturday)

Yes. The anniversaries are tough. That's completely normal. I was back with my WH after DD#1 for our 25th anniversary. It was very tough but ok. The 26th was just after DD#2 that was terrible. This year for our 27th anniversary we had been S for over a year. I spent part of it with my son and the other part alone. It was sad but better than the other two. I had filed a month before.

As was said before, feel the feelings. Cry if you need to. Just get through the day. Tomorrow will be better.

I have thought this many times:

Yes gut wrenching, but then I started to think (and laugh) that this was turning into a really bad Maury show!

I can't believe I could be on Maury.

Divorced and beginning my new life.

2 Ddays and lots of TT

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
New Member
Member # 28391
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Thank you again everyone... i spent our anniversary alone with our boys and even though it was tough I still made it through the day.

I'm SO SO not looking forward to the holidays... sharing the boys with him but i guess it's another milestone I will have to overcome... :-(

Thank god for SI!!

Posts: 47 | Registered: Apr 2010
Topic Posts: 16