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User Topic: I can't believe this, but D-Day #2 - 9.6.13
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm shaking like a leaf. After 3 months of lies and vowing to want to save this marriage, yet doing NOTHING to make that happen, I was finally able to get him to tell some of the truth last night. He told me he loves me but is not 100% committedd to this marriage. He is not ready to work on it because he needs to work through his own shit. He said that maybe he wasn't a relationship person (15 years later). So, while that killed me, at least it was the truth. I told him we should separate so he can clear his head and figure what to do.

Then this morning I checked his texts, and despite promising abosolutely no unbusinesslike contact with AP since 6.8.13, there it was. A text, not to her work phone, not that that would be better, but to her personal phone. All is said was, "Ok buzz kill" which could mean 1000 things, but it doesn't matter.

I called him and told him we are NC and he is to move out by Sunday. I'm spending the night at a friend's tomorrow night. Just have to get through tonight and just have to stop shaking.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
StepAside
Member
Member # 29826
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, September 6th (Friday)

((OldCow18))

take care, do what YOU need to do for YOU.

strength and peace to you


Me 48yrs, king of douchebagastan- 50yrs STD infected bankrupt NPD sociopathic drunk thief
countless A's, he is a predator that targets losers like himself
Last Dday 04/12/2010-Divorcing if/when his cumdumpsters lend him some $ or balls to file

Posts: 1521 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Ingersoll Ontario
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm so sorry honey.

Yet it is better to know the truth. You probably feel some relief somewhere inside.

Good luck; you are being strong.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1748 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
sinsof thefather
Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm so sorry to see this - You are in my thoughts and prayers. Many (((Hugs))) to you.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1879 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
noprincess
Member
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm sorry ((OldCow18))...so very, very sorry, hon. DDay #2 elevates the pain to a whole new level and who ever believed that was possible?! So many of us here understand.

You will get to the other side. Sending strength and (((hugs))).


"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Ellephantastic
Member
Member # 39833
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 6th (Friday)

You can get through it!

**Hugs**


BS(me)
WBF = PA
Ow = 19(at the time)
WBF A = 08/10/2012-17/10/2012
D-Day = 24/01/2013

"It was easier for him to hurt me than it was for him to turn her down"


Posts: 80 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Scotland
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm so sorry.

If there ever is a sign for a false R, it's the wayward saying they want to save it, and doing nothing in order to do so. BTDT, got the bloodstained tshirt.

Hang in there. You are doing the right thing now. Stand your ground.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6542 | Registered: Jan 2011
Maxiom
Member
Member # 26001
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, September 6th (Friday)

He hasn't told you the truth.

"He is not ready to work on it because he needs to work through his own shit"

Such bull shit. This is cake eating. Hes actually quite familiar with what he wants. Basically hes saying he likes the status quo and doesn't want you to disrupt that.

He is a relationship person. He's all for relationships. Hes just not a monogamous relationship person, that is what he is saying.


Me: FBS/WS 41
Her FWS/BS 41
My DDay - March 10, 2007 Whole Truth - May 2007
Her DDay - March 2, 2011
True NC March 3, 2011

Posts: 462 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Canada
Phoenix9572
Member
Member # 39987
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I am so sorry to hear this. I understand the devastation of having more that one dday. Like I said before, I prayed that I would see my WH for who he really is (not just trying to rugsweep or focus on the infidelity). Well I got my answer even if it wasn't what I wanted.
It is painful but it is better knowing the truth. Stay strong and take care of yourself. NC definitely helps you see things better even if it's hard at first.
(((hugs))))


Me - 40
WH - 42
Married 18 years
kids - 14, 12
DD - May 13, 2013
DD2 - Aug 4, 2013
DD3 - Aug 27, 2013
Status - Legally separated; really wanted R but don't think that is possible anymore

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Southern Indiana
meplusfour
Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Sending you strength, dignity and grace.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 385 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Blameitontherain
Member
Member # 37476
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, September 6th (Friday)

((OC)). I saw the title to the thread and who started it and my heart literally hurt for you before reading anything.

FTG FTG FTG

He is rewriting your marriage to justify his unwillingness to work on it. Give him all the space he needs to hang himself. He already has hung himself with contacting ow that quickly. Hard 180 for YOU so that you can make decisions that are good for YOU!


Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2012
sad34
Member
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, September 6th (Friday)

He's still in that stupid fog he will regret this. U r doing the right thing


Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
cliffside
Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I too saw your name and the title and my heart sank. Good for you for kicking him to the curb. I wouldn't be that nice, I'd hefty bag his shit and change the locks.

But if you must, spend the night with a GF and have a glass of wine and try to relax, if at all possible. Then, come back here and can we please please please get a Mod to change your username? It breaks my heart every time I see it.

Hugs to you and know that you WILL be ok and we'll be here for you.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
happierdays
Member
Member # 38537
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Sending you hugs and strength OldCow.


Me - 40
WH - 41
Dday - Oct 7, 2012
Dday 2 - June 4, 2013
Married - 7 years
2 daughters, 9 years old and 1 month old

Posts: 145 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, September 6th (Friday)

OC I know you've responded to some of my posts.
I am so sorry to hear this...but at least now you have enough truth to set your mind on a path.
This whole thing sucks so bad.
I just don't understand people at all...


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
cancuncrushed
Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Im so sorry. You are in the middle of my worst fear. I wish you all the strength, and some unexpected happiness. ((())))))


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 937 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, September 6th (Friday)

OC18, I am so very sorry. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I don't know what I'd do without all of you, thank you so much. Having cyber friends who COMPLETELY understand and can empathize is such a gift. I'm just so sorry that so many good people have such a horrendous thing in common.

I am actually feeling some peace. I mean, total devastation yet again, but to have the truth FINALLY has been calming. I can work with the truth, I can't work with lies and gaslighting. I was literally going crazy.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 4:07 PM, September 6th (Friday)]


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sooooo sorry!
Nothing helps right now! But you are NOT alone. Lots and lots of shoulder to cry on here.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2325 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
LiedtoLucy
Member
Member # 39246
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, September 6th (Friday)

(((OC)))

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this!,

It is also my worst nightmare and I actually have had nightmares about it happening to me. It is not a good feeling at all, even for the just the minute that it takes for me to realize it isn't real.

...I am terrified that this nightmare could very easily become reality some day.

Take care of yourself and know that you ARE going to be ok!


LTL

Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are


Posts: 176 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
ILINIA
Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, September 6th (Friday)

(((Many hugs to you)))

You are doing the right thing, stay strong.

I have felt that you are somewhat of a twin to me as our profiles are so similar. You will get through this.



Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jul 2013
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I am sorry that you are facing this again. Good for you for going NC


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm so sorry oc...when I read, I want the M but I need to work some shit out...that says, I want you to wait because I'm not ready to be committed, but don't want you to be single cuz I might want you back....grrr Dammit second DD just sucks.
Buzzkill..hmmm


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5125 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, September 6th (Friday)

If there ever is a sign for a false R, it's the wayward saying they want to save it, and doing nothing in order to do so. BTDT, got the bloodstained tshirt.

I got that shirt!

Many hugs to to you (((oldcow18))) you are doing the right thing! Stay strong he's a coward!!!!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
selkiescot
Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, September 7th (Saturday)

(((((((oldcow18)))))))
You will get through this.


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1400 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, September 7th (Saturday)

(((((oldcow))))) Sending you strength, honey.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25667 | Registered: Aug 2011
Ariabook
Member
Member # 39669
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

((Sending you lots of hugs))


Separated
Wants nothing to do with our daughter
No Contact

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Newwhere
soveryweary
Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

OldCow, thinking of you and sending hugs.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
stunnedin12
Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

I am actually feeling some peace. I mean, total devastation yet again, but to have the truth FINALLY has been calming. I can work with the truth, I can't work with lies and gaslighting. I was literally going crazy
.

Thinking about you -

I totally get the devastation/truth/peace/calming thing. I'm just sorry you had the lies/gaslighting and devastation.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 476 | Registered: Jan 2013
openedupmyeyes
Member
Member # 27871
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

((((OC)))))
Thinking of you. Sending you strength, and peace. You can are strong.


Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 765 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

OC I get the "truth" thing too.
I am where you've been for the past 3 months.
I am done with the words and waiting for the action. There's been some, but not enough.
I did file already so that has been my backup.
I keep reminding myself that I am not afraid to be divorced. I am not afraid of the life I would have without him.
I do NOT want to live in a marriage with someone who is not committed to me/the marriage 100%.
His honesty at this point (although a little late) is better than the continued lies and TT.
Now you have the power to make an informed decision.
And someone else said it as well...he may still want you as the backup plan. It's up to you whether or not you allow that.
(((hugs)))


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 31