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User Topic: Cheated on less than on a month after wedding
clesu
New Member
Member # 40575
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, September 6th (Friday)

After dating for about 3 1/2 years my best friend and I got married August 3rd. Well on Wednesday night I could tell something was wrong. She had the face that I've grown to know as being the 'something is wrong' look. After pleading with her to fess up to what was bothering her she dropped the bomb on me. The week before when she was supposedly going to meet up with one of her best friends from college, she was actually driving two hours to meet up with some guy she had met during her bachelorette party. She ended up spending the night with this guy and drove to her friend's house the next day. I've never felt the wind knocked out of me like this in my life. To make matters worse she had told me about this guy when she got back from her bachelorette party. She described him as a total creep that stole her phone and put his number into it. He even texted her about a week after and she told me all about it. I trusted her, I didn't see anything wrong. She's a beautiful woman and I've had to deal with random guys hitting on her and such as long as we've been dating. She tried telling me that she never got to have her 'me' time because she was in a long relationship before her and I got together without a lot of time in between. I'm at a loss, I honestly don't even know where to begin. I skipped work yesterday and just drove around for a long time without the slightest idea of what to do. I love her, I think I always will, but how do I get past this, and ever trust her again?

Posts: 6 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Broken1Again
Member
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Deep sigh (from me)...why do people do this stuff? I don't know. I don't know the answer for you, I'm in a bad place right now and don't want to project my stuff on you. I do want you to know that I read your post, and I'm here in the trench with you and you will soon find other trench buddies as well.

What I can say is don't make any rash decisions just yet. You have just been given this information you are allowed to take your time to digest it and feel it. No rush.


BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 859 | Registered: May 2011
ItWasHisBoss23
New Member
Member # 40566
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I think you should weigh your options.

For one, she obviously felt remorseful to the point you could tell something was wrong with her. And second, she admitted it to you before you had to find out on your own. I would say I would appreciate those things about the situation.

In my situation, my husband was doing stuff for over a year and every day acting like nothing was wrong and making me believe we were "in love" while every day he was involved with another woman via email and sometimes physically, both before and after marriage.

Nobody can tell you what to do except you because only you will know the truth about your relationship.

I have watched a lot of youtube vidoes about infidelity and reconciliation afterwards that may help you decide if you can move on and rebuild trust.


26
WH - 28
Married less than a year
No children

D-Day - July 12, 2013


Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Cedar Rapids, IA
MJane
Member
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, September 6th (Friday)

So sorry to hear your story - am new to this too. I don't get how your wife so soon after you wed could do this but then I can't get how my husband cheated on me just before I gave birth to our much longed for baby....what i am learning is maybe I won't ever "get" it as it isn't logical or even part of your DNA but it is vital that they get it and you are convinced they have before moving forward. I'm in roller-coaster state - one minute want to leave and the next stay - am taking all the good advice here not to take any rash decisions but also to take the care I need to of myself...take care

Posts: 215 | Registered: Sep 2013
clesu
New Member
Member # 40575
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Thanks. I'm really glad I found this forum. I've been going over what happened in my head again and again, but actually seeing it written out felt different. I was reading some of the other posts and it's reassuring to know I'm not alone in the trench, but incredibly sad that this is seemingly such a common occurrence. I have one good friend who's wife cheated on him a couple years ago and I talked to him yesterday. He was the only one I knew that I thought could possibly relate. While he did have some helpful things to say, I think his complete shock further compounded my own and I could feel the knife twisting even more. To make matters worse, today is her birthday and we're supposed to go out with all of her friends tonight. How the hell am I supposed to do that? I just want to leave but I have things planned this weekend that I can't skip out on, some with her, some without. How do I navigate this without basically telling everyone around us?

Posts: 6 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
myownmaster
New Member
Member # 35317
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, September 6th (Friday)

She fucked another guy and she went way out of her way to do it(not a drunken ONS) and it was only a month into your marriage...You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Fuck her bday if you want. You are not obligated to be anywhere near her if you don't want to be. You are no more honorable standing side by side with your cheating wife than you are telling her to fuck off. Do whatever you want to do.

So what is she saying and doing? Does she want to stay in this marriage. Is she claiming it's a one time thing? Is she willing to do anything to repair the damage she's created (IC, MC, full transparency, etc.?).

To be honest, this early in a marriage and with no kids...I'd seriously consider the fact that there are MANY women out there who wouldn't do what you wife did...just saying. But either way, stand up for yourself and don't let this be rugswept.


Posts: 46 | Registered: Apr 2012
ItWasHisBoss23
New Member
Member # 40566
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, September 6th (Friday)

I went through a phase where I wanted everyone to know that my WH did what he did because I felt I wanted him to pay for it. I have only told a couple of really close friends and decided not to get a lot of people involved mostly to save myself from the embarrassment.

If you don't want people to know then you don't have to tell them. You can just say that you can't make it. She needs to respect if you are not ready to do certain things because your emotional health should matter.

I made the mistake of going to his family things and softball games before I was even close to ready and everyone could tell something wasn't right. I would be pressured to pretend I was okay if he put his arm around me or wanted to kiss me or something. It made me bitter towards him that he could act okay and I wasn't.

Only do what you are okay with.


26
WH - 28
Married less than a year
No children

D-Day - July 12, 2013


Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Cedar Rapids, IA
kannan
Member
Member # 36057
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, September 6th (Friday)

One month into marriage, she drove two hours and banged someone.

Consider yourself lucky man. There is plenty of fish out side.

Regarding her Bday, you owe a cheater nothing.


Posts: 139 | Registered: Jul 2012
k9lover1
Member
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, September 6th (Friday)

My guess is that you are both young and maybe she is not ready to be tied down and faithful at this time in her life.


D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8091 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
frankier
Member
Member # 33901
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Clesu, sorry to hear your story. I cannot fathom the pain you must feel.
Your wife has shown you some incredible lack of boundary and restraint. I am not sure if it is an age related issue, but I know it is for sure a character issue. Citing the lack of "me" time as (one of) the justification seems very childish and immature. She has shown you who she really is. Believe her. No kids and just married empowers you more than a situation with kids, assets, lives, etc. After you work through the initial shock, please consider carefully if you want to stay married with this woman. People do change, but not that often and not by much.

[This message edited by frankier at 11:34 AM, September 6th (Friday)]


Me BS 48
Her WS 39
DDay 7/5/10 1/yr EA/PA
DS1 12 DS2 8

Posts: 115 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: ChiLand
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Welcome. I''m sorry that you had the reason to find this forum, but I am pleased that you did, so that you can talk and we can try to help you.

First off, please take my advice and do not go tonight. In all honesty, I would have her call everyone to cancel because of a personal family emergency which is god''s own truth. I don''t think that there is any way in hell that you can fake your way through this, this early in your journey. And to hold yourself bound to do so, is cruel to yourself. Heck man, you''re still in shock! You wouldn''t ask someone who has just been hit by a bus to go out and run a mile, broken leg and all. You should not try.

Next, breathe. You can take all the time you need and want to figure out what you want and need to do. This is YOUR time to think. Don''t let anyone tell you that you HAVE to move faster than you can. We are all going to offer opinions to you, based on our own experiences, long and short, but in the end, you need to do what is right for yourself.

Please take a look in the upper left corner, in the yellow box, and click on The Healing Library. Start reading. Read any post in this forum that has a bulls-eye next to it. These are all articles from people who have walked the path that you have walked. Take advantage of our experience because in several ways, we all have very common feelings, thoughts, and reactions. So do the W (waywards, in your case, your WW Wayward Wife).

I absolutely hate to say this, but you and your WW must get on the phone, if not today, then Monday, and schedule a complete STD/HIV panel. You must. She screwed a man who is likely screwing a lot of other women as well. Even if she tells you that they used a condom. Even if she tells you that it was completely protected sex, get the tests run and schedule the follow-up tests. Protected sex isn''t, especially if they kissed each other or went down on each other. All a condom means is that she likely won''t get pregnant. Nothing else. And you must insist that her results be told to you directly by the doctor or given to you on the doctor''s form. You cannot trust her to tell you the truth about the results because liars lie. I am so very sorry, however each and every one of us has had to make this phone call. And sad to say, doctor''s offices are quite experienced in handling this type of call.

Again, welcome. Keep posting. Vent. We''re all here for you.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4588 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
toomanyregrets
Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, September 6th (Friday)

Well now you know that your WW is NOT your best friend.

"ME TIME" ?
It should be all "US" time.

With only a month since the wedding, maybe you could have it annuled.

Sounds like the only reason your WW had a wedding was to have her own personal prom.

[This message edited by toomanyregrets at 11:58 AM, September 6th (Friday)]


BH - 64
fWW - 59

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 446 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
clesu
New Member
Member # 40575
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, September 6th (Friday)

We're both 25, so yes young indeed. In the back of my mind I've always considered this perhaps too young to get married, but ironically it was her that was always putting the pressure on me to buy the ring. After we were engaged it didn't take long for it to really sink in. But for me I wasn't nervous or worried, I was excited, because I honestly knew this was the person I wanted to spend my life with. Shit, I even quit my old job and moved 7 hours so she could get her dream job.

She's told me that she was worried if she tried to do her own thing for a couple years there'd be no way I'd still be around waiting for her. That surely some other girl would scoop me up because I'm the 'Perfect Guy'.

Just as many of you have said, the product of this infidelity is her absolute immaturity. I realize this, I just guess I had fooled myself into believing that we were happy to the point that she'd understand what she had, and be grateful for it. Not throw it all away.

Just as I need time to absorb all of this and figure out what my next move is, she's said she needs time to know for sure what she truly wants. I've already contacted a couples therapist who specializes in infidelity, and my wife has said she'll go. But do I wait until then or do I give her the ultimatum now? I want to work on this believe it or not and I'm afraid if I lay down the law too harshly it's just going to push her further into the abyss.


Posts: 6 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, September 6th (Friday)

A month after your wedding, she has already shown you what she wants and it's to not be married. I'm sorry to be blunt, but when someone's shows you who they really are, believe them.

The lies started, if not well beforehand, with her claiming this guy 'stole her phone and entered his number'... Seriously, does that make any sense? And if it were true and she thought he was a creep, why keep his number?

She needs to own her shit fully before R should even be considered. She needs to confront her own ugliness & brokenness that she used to allow herself to cheat after 30 days married. You should have still been in the honeymoon stage where you both can't get enough of each other.

So sorry you are here. Time for her to prove she us worthy of you and this marriage.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6035 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Early in our journey I asked my H what his vows meant to him? His answer was "I guess that I was taking a partner for life."

I put it in simpler terms - at a very simple and basic level, taking vows/marriage/being exclusive means you give up the right to date other people.

We were married 21 yes when we began this journey. 30 days? Ask your WW (wayward wife) what her vows meant to her. Then look closely at what she has done and how that definition lines up. 30 days is such a sad statement of her character. If she truly wants R, and you truly believe she is capable of becoming a better person, then IC for her should come first. She needs to be proactive in finding her authentic self.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6035 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
OK now
Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, September 6th (Friday)

she's said she needs time to know for sure what she truly wants.

Right now she isn't sure she wants to be married to you and this, in her warped way of thinking, gives her the right to cheat. You may endure all this pain and paper over the cracks in this short marriage, but in the end she will leave, or at least repeat her adultery.

In any event you will never be able to trust her again. She is actively looking for a replacement for you and apparently fucking all the candidates to boot.

Save yourself a lot of misery and let her go. It will do wonders for your self-esteem and show her that you won't be disrespected. If you reconcile out of a fear of being alone and the emotional attachment you feel for your WW, I fear there is more heartache down the road.

As others have said she is not your best friend and you have little worth as a partner in her eyes.


Posts: 1695 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
demos
Member
Member # 35660
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Less than a month in and she already has kicked your feeling to the side for her own desires. A month in a bride should be living the dream and thinking nothing but about her new husband and making their life together. Affairs happen 3, 7, 15, years into a marriage when marriage become hard. Not a month in!

I don't know if I'm making sense but 13 years into our marriage my wife had an affair. Not that it makes it any easier but on some level I get it. Doesn't make it right but I get it. Kids, mortgage, life ..... I don't want to say marriage can get boring but maybe just routine ... dull. Some guy comes around tells her she's amazing and it lights a spark. It doesn't make it right but I get it.

But 1 month in??? That I don't get. What is she going to be like 3 years in? 13 years in?

She needs some IC quick!

[This message edited by demos at 1:04 PM, September 6th (Friday)]


Posts: 154 | Registered: May 2012
cliffside
Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, September 6th (Friday)

So sorry this has happened to you and so soon after your wedding.
I'm coming up on my 12 year wedding anniversary and have two young children. I have to be brutally honest with you. As someone who has been betrayed and is in R, if this had happened that soon after my wedding I would be getting it annulled as soon as humanly possible.

The work and stress of Reconciliation is hard. Think about how your marriage will be - one month of "honeymoon" followed by months, if not years, of therapy and trying to reconcile. As someone 7 months out I can tell you that a person capable of infidelity is broken and it takes a LOT of work to figure it out and give them the coping mechanisms needed to keep them from doing it again.

I really think you need to consider that since you don't have all of the complications that come into play after years of marriage, you should cut your losses now. And if you do, know that NO ONE would blame you for doing that.

And I say this in particular because of this:

She's told me that she was worried if she tried to do her own thing for a couple years there'd be no way I'd still be around waiting for her. That surely some other girl would scoop me up because I'm the 'Perfect Guy'.

Wow. She knew she wasn't ready for marriage and didn't talk about it with you and give you the option to wait or leave? She didn't give you the option to make an informed decision about your life and future? That is incredibly immature and incredibly unfair. Ask yourself this. If she had told you "I'm not ready for this marriage, I still need to sow my oats." What would you have done? Stayed and waited or moved on?

And then this:

she's said she needs time to know for sure what she truly wants.

One month into marriage, after *she* cheats on you, *she* needs time to figure out what *she* truly wants?

As many have said on here before, she's showing you exactly who she is and what she's capable of - believe it. You're young and deserve so much more than that.

Please take care of yourself and know that we're all here to help - no matter what you decide.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 261 | Registered: Mar 2013
Warninglight
New Member
Member # 40507
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, September 6th (Friday)

You owe her one thing:

An annulment. A man she met at her bachelorette party? Does she mean male stripper?

Continue with this marriage and you will be back here with "She cheated on me again, we are getting divorced and I will owe $1000 a month in alimony and $1200 a month in child support.


WIfe email EA. DDay 03-0-2013 758A OM was a half literate hillbilly ex.

Posts: 21 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: E US
clesu
New Member
Member # 40575
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, September 6th (Friday)

He wasn't a male stripper, just some random guy at the pool. Not that it makes anything better. The creepy part is I saw a picture of him and he looks just like me.

I appreciate everything you've all said. You've given plenty of insight and a lot to consider. I don't know if I want to call it quits just yet even though a lot of me says I should. That doesn't mean I'm going to just sweep this under the rug and forget about it. If I can't get a 100% commitment from her to immediately start therapy both on her own and with us as a couple I'm done.

Does it really make me naive holding on to the slimmest of hope that this was a once in a lifetime mistake?


Posts: 6 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Bikingguy
Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Like you my WW cheated on me within the first year of our M.

Unlike you it continued for 15 years, 3 kids, and a lifetime together.

Yours is a shit sandwich no matter how you look at it, however I do wish I had the option back then because for me it would be an easy one. I would have left. This is your decision, and I know you are concerned about "pushing" her to hard. But now is exactly the time to demand exactly what you want. The healing library has many good book choices to help you determine what it is you do want.

This is so hard to process and I bet your brain is spinning at a million miles an hour. Try and slow down and breath. This is a long process, not a sprint.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 670 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, September 6th (Friday)

This is so fresh for you the flies are still swarming around the shit sandwich you've just been served.

It may help for you to take a few steps back and not make any decisions right now. Just observe. See what your W is saying and doing. If she is not actively working on trying to make amends for this I think you have your answer. You need to be the focus. She should be making the calls for counseling. She should be doing everything in her power to prove to you that she can be trusted. She should be reassuring you that your marriage is where she wants to be. If she isn't then I think you have a pretty good idea of who you are really dealing with. If she isn't sure what she wants to do then it's time to protect yourself. Meet with an attorney, you don't have to file anything but know what your options are.

I am very sorry for what you are being put through. You will get through this.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1029 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
demos
Member
Member # 35660
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, September 6th (Friday)

You will learn as you go through this and as you educate yourself on infidelity that affairs are not accidents. They're not once in a lifetime events. Broken people have affairs. It is possible for those people to fix their brokeness but it takes lots of work and time. The concern is that she's too young and doesn't have enough invested in you to put in that work.

And I can guarantee you that the feeling of loss and loneliness that you fear now ..... will go away. And if you stay with her you will at some point down the road question yourself as to why you made that decision and wish you had walked away.

Sorry to be so direct my friend but I can guarantee you this.


Posts: 154 | Registered: May 2012
Lucky2HaveMe
Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Something that just hit me... In theory he stole her phone and put his # in it. Yet she says he initiated contact? How did this random guy get her #?


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6035 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Andthencraigslis
New Member
Member # 40246
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, September 6th (Friday)

You have got a lot of people telling you to cut and run, and I can't say I don't agree ... But I can imagine the idea IS overwhelming to you . I would say if you don't think you can leave right now you should still proceed with drawing hard lines with her. What you have going for you is that she told you. I have to think there is some conscience there....I would have her sign a post nup, demand STD testing and counseling, see a lawyer about your divorce/annullment options.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Aug 2013
Andthencraigslis
New Member
Member # 40246
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, September 6th (Friday)

You have got a lot of people telling you to cut and run, and I can't say I don't agree ... But I can imagine the idea IS overwhelming to you . I would say if you don't think you can leave right now you should still proceed with drawing hard lines with her. What you have going for you is that she told you. I have to think there is some conscience there....I would have her sign a post nup, demand STD testing and counseling, see a lawyer about your divorce/annullment options.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Aug 2013
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, September 6th (Friday)

So sorry for what you're going through. I wish I could say it's just "unbelievable", but these day, nothing is anymore...

You've gotten great advice here and I know you need time to sort out your own thoughts and feelings. Do take your time.

I whole-heartedly agree that you should definitely NOT go to any birthday gathering tonight. Do. Not. Go. You are way too emotionally vulnerable to be put in that type of situation. I guarantee it. You are probably still in shock. Have your wife tell people you got sick/food poisoning or whatever if you want to save face. But DO NOT GO!

Don't worry about hurting her feelings by boycotting. She wasn't worried about your feelings at all. She needs to understand the gravity of what she has done.

I am just so sorry that you find yourself here. I know it must be overwhelming to hear so many people say "leave" when you are still just in what should be the honeymoon of your emotional love. Please know it is just that so many of us are struggling with the immense pain of all this and have to take into account the well-being of our children and the lives we've spent many, many years building together. I'm sure many of us think that if we didn't have so many of these other things keeping us in our marriages, and were only one month in like you, we'd easily walk (or run) out the door. Many of us are projecting our wishes onto your situation. But we are also speaking from many levels of experience with infidelity. Everyone here just wants what is best for you.

Take care of yourself. Stay hydrated, try to eat, try to sleep. Take an over-the-counter sleep aid if you need it. Exercise. You need to take care of yourself, first and foremost.

(((and strength)))


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
damaged71
Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Clesu...Run away as fast as you can. This is the easiest part of your marriage and she has already done this?

Mine cheated after 19 years and I still think of walking sometimes and that was 16 months ago. You are never going to get over this. If she already looking outside of your marriage it's a sign of things to come. She probably isn't mature enough to recognize that she has a problem.

If you stay she will be pregnant inside of 2 months and then you are hooked. Mark my word.

If she thought you were the perfect guy why did she do that? If you stay with her your life is going to be hard and painful.

Life is a lot longer than you think it is. You should thank her as you walk out the door.


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 341 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
LAFA
Member
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, September 6th (Friday)

I'm so sorry you have to be here, but glad you have found us. Yes, 25 is young, but is not too young to have developed integrity and character. She maybe sorta loves you in some fashion, but she has manifested that she does not have respect for you and likely not much of it for herself. Evaluate your situation very carefully brother. Post as much as you need to, and read as much as you can. There are many wonderful folks here who have come to their wisdom through this same wall of pain that you just got slammed into.You can and will get through this, and I wish you peace and happiness when you are on the other side.Be good to you.

Edited for poor spelling.

[This message edited by LAFA at 2:42 PM, September 6th (Friday)]


When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
meplusfour
Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, September 6th (Friday)

You have been given some great advice by some wise experienced people. I can only add that one of the reasons why I even considered R with my WH was the quality of our relationship prior to his A. We had been married for six years prior to the start of his A (married ten years total). I was able to draw strength and comfort from our experiences from our marriage. We had built a life and family together. My concern for you is that your life with your WW has just started. She seems unsure whether she is even committed to you and your M. I cannot tell you whether you should stay or go, but consider carefully whether your M to her is worth investing your time and effort in. It might be in your best interest to walk away and rebuild yourself.

Take care of yourself.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 356 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Tren0R201
Member
Member # 39633
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Driving 2 hours...think about it? That's a long time, and plenty of time to turn back... So that's not a mistake.

Secondly one month into marriage? And now she wants her me time? And you're already going to therapy? There's a bunch of red flags which don't augur well for your long term future.


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jun 2013
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Clesu
And she is stilll planning on going out with her FRIENDS!! Because it is her birthday? Really???
I would stay home and beg for forgiveness. Yet another sign of her being sooo sorry.

Run Clesu run..


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3185 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Amber13
Member
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Oh dear I'm so sorry you are going through this. The first months are an emotional minefield. The best advice as someone else also put is dont rush to make any decisions.
Can I ask how long you were together before the wedding?
I'm 24 and my partner is 30. We were not married but had been together for 7 years
It's your decision to make. I hope she is willing to support you and work through this.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
Amber13
Member
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, September 6th (Friday)

Can I also add that in time you will come to understand the situation better, and you will be able to tell how committed she is and how resentful (or lack of). Then this big issue will be identifying how you really feel about it, and if you can stay with a person who could do that to you. Your feelings can change too, you are probably I shock just now.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
kannan
Member
Member # 36057
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, September 7th (Saturday)

She lied and cheated on you within a month of your marriage and you are afraid to go tough on her.REALLY?

I think its time for you to read the book "No more Mr.Nice GUY" It is a good book to read.


Posts: 139 | Registered: Jul 2012
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, September 7th (Saturday)

Please, as someone whose situation is similar but found out later. RUN I do not generally recommend such an action as when i first joined it broke my heart to read so.

You found out now, you are so fucking lucky, you can annul your marriage. YOU ARE LUCKY. I wish I had found out a month after I was married NOT three years later.

So as hard as it is, go annul your marriage and then if you want to date fine.

I know it sounds cruel to say your lucky. But you ARE. I know you're licking your wounds and they hurt but be 'selfish' and look after yourself. Do it tomorrow if you can!


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, September 7th (Saturday)

Sounds like the only reason your WW had a wedding was to have her own personal prom.

I think this is right. And now does she want you to believe after driving two hours to bang this random promiscuous pig, that she has had her "me" time and is ready to settle down and be a good wife?

In some ways, the ones I understand the least are the ones who go through with the whole marriage thing, say vows, etc., pretty much knowing when they are going through this whole process that they really don't think it will be a big deal to cheat. And for her, why would she want to call off her big "look at me" party?

At her Bachelorette party? OMG.

You did say that you won't give her a chance unless she shows 100% committment and agrees to counseling, etc. Well, what is going to look like 100% committment to you? I'm not saying you are wrong for setting that criteria, and in fact if you want to give her another chance, I agree with the conditions you require. But what if she goes to counseling and tells the counselor, "I'm not sure what I want" or she tells you that? That is not 100% committment, and if that is the case, if I were you, I would take the advice others have given and get it annulled. She will hate that because her "me party" is going to backfire a little with negative publicity over what she did.

Even so, if she is such a great person, you can continue to date her after the D, and see where that goes in time. If you were to ever remarry her, I'd make sure it was a very small, mostly private thing, certainly not another "me" party for her.


Posts: 5685 | Registered: Apr 2006
Blackhair
Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, September 7th (Saturday)

Sorry to hear what you are going through, we are all aware you love her but you have to believe that love work both ways.

Take your time to make any big decision, do not be afraid to push her away she is in her mind not with you anyways,

Be honest you are way better off without her, it is a long hard road to recover from this, but it will be a harder road in your life if you decide to stay.

Take care of yourself first!,


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
clesu
New Member
Member # 40575
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, September 16th (Monday)

It's been a while since I've been back on here after my first initial posts and I had read all of the advice you all had tried passing on to me. I can't express how much I appreciated it then and even more so now.

I feel I need to update you all on what has since happened between myself and the WW.

Plain and simple, it's all over.

I put the ball back in her court and told her that I had married her because I loved her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Even after making such a colossal mistake, I still loved her and I told her so. I said that the person I had known and loved for 4 years would never had done such a thing and that surely this was some sort of epic case of 'cold feet' and she didn't yet know how to talk to me and work on it as a couple. I said that I wanted to go to see a therapist with her, and we actually did go once last week. But while we were there she kept saying the same old song and dance, 'I don't know what I want.' This to me was unacceptable. It's not like we had some kind of rushed relationship, we had dated for over two years before we were engaged, and our engagement lasted over a year. At any point during that time if she was so unsure of what she wanted any normal person would have broken it off. But instead she strung myself and everyone we both know and love along, I guess hoping that suddenly her mind would change. Over this past weekend we were supposed to go to my parents house and then go to my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary. She told me that she wouldn't feel right being around my parents right now and wanted to go to her own parents' house to clear her mind and think. I told her that would probably be best. When we both got back home yesterday she got straight to the point, she loved me but was not in love me and had not been for a long time. The final nail in the coffin. I told her to leave and she did.

Yesterday was perhaps the hardest day of my life. Not only because the woman I loved and had planned on spending the rest of my life with had abandoned me and had been lying to me for roughly half of our relationship, but because I had to tell my family who loved her more than anything what had happened. I have never heard my mother so upset in my entire life, I literally felt like a monster having to hear her heartbreak on the other end of the phone. The same went for talking to my brother, sister and dad. My family has never been the outwardly emotional type, but the pain and sadness that poured out of them yesterday crushed me.

I may have someday been able to move on from what my WW did to me, but I will never forgive what she has done to my family.


Posts: 6 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, September 16th (Monday)

After 18 years of marriage and seeing a few things, including my own WW's infidelity, here's my view. A lot of young women think they WANT to be married. All their friends are getting married at her age and it's foremost on their minds. They feel if they aren't married by 30 then life is over with and they will become spinsters. You most likely treated her very well all those years and she felt well this is as good as it gets. So she pressured you into a ring, but never could tell you she wasn't truly ready. This is 100% on her.

Marriage is not the end all to be all to life at 25 years old. Somewhere in our society we've told these women that they need to get married. It's the only way they will be happy. They see your grandparents married for 60 years and that's what they have to invision. To me it's immature and selfish. So they marry a guy that seems good and figure if it's not true love they will grow into you. Not. Gonna. Happen.

Fact is she wasn't ready to marry you. She liked the idea of having a ring to flaunt, but she wasn't mature enough. Personally at your age, I would cut your losses, return all the wedding gifts and GET OUT. Future behavior can be predicted fairly accurately by past behavior. Odds are she is going to cheat on you again. She has personal issues (probably FOO issues you really don't know about) she needs to address. the "I love you but not in love with you" garbage is just that...garbage. I heard it from my exWW too. They say that to try to soften the blow of infidelity and justify their poor behavior. Like that makes it feel any better...right?

Don't buy into this "I didn't get to sow my oats before you" crap. She has to learn that it isn't greener on the other side out there. You're young and it's hard enough starting out in married life with just that on your back. You don't need her crap on top of it. No she isn't committed to you. If she can't now after only one month....do you think she can do it for the long haul?

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 9:12 AM, September 16th (Monday)]


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1456 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
frankier
Member
Member # 33901
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, September 16th (Monday)

Clesu - I am sorry for the pain you are in right now. It must be heartbreaking to hear those words and to hear your family upset.

Please, do take your time to mourn the loss of the relationship you (thought you) had. Use IC, your family (they seem to care a lot for you based on their reaction), friends.

It will be hard, but you will get and feel better. You are young and without deep ties to that relationship (kids, finance, etc). It can get only better from now on.

Good luck.

[This message edited by frankier at 9:13 AM, September 16th (Monday)]


Me BS 48
Her WS 39
DDay 7/5/10 1/yr EA/PA
DS1 12 DS2 8

Posts: 115 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: ChiLand
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, September 16th (Monday)

I'm sorry pal. But in time you will come to see this was the best course of action. You basically were conned into M this woman. Surely if she had done the right thing and told you prior to the wedding you would not have M at all. But she kept that dirty little secret to herself. I know your hurting right now, but better to annul the M than have to find out about her true self years down the line. Shoot, if I were you I'd also look into civil litigation as I'm sure you spent a ton of bucks on the wedding. And what she did amounted to breech of contract and false representation. But that's for another day. Right now licks your wounds, cry when you have to, get drunk with the boys and start to rebuild your life. In a year or so your gonna find out just how shitty her life has become. Life has a way of evening the score. Best to get yourself back to a good place and move forward.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5570 | Registered: Nov 2007
MC_Jack
Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, September 16th (Monday)

Sorry brother for your loss.

You are one lucky man, though, but it will take time to see it.

As Sean above posted, that was my WW. She wanted to get married, I was the 'good guy', but I see now that she had some cold feet. Plus her family has a lot of emotional problems, so add in an attachment disorder and avoidance tendencies. She always had one toot out the door, but for 17 years, did 'the right thing' hoping that I would change or the M would change, not really looking at herself and her FOO.

Now at 20 years of M, I kinda have a real M, what I should have had originally.

But I feel a lot of loss of time and pain. It was a long time for me to suffer and not know what the hell was going on in her head. Hell, she didn't either.


I am so glad that you are getting a do over without kids, etc.


Jack


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 844 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
toomanyregrets
Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, September 16th (Monday)

I'm so sorry to hear that you WW doesn't want to R.

I guess she got the private "Prom" she always wanted.

Have you contacted a lawyer yet?

Maybe, since you've only been married a short time, you could have it annuled rather than go through a divorce.

[This message edited by toomanyregrets at 10:36 AM, September 16th (Monday)]


BH - 64
fWW - 59

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 446 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
clesu
New Member
Member # 40575
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, September 16th (Monday)

Haven't talked to a lawyer yet but was already asking a friend of mine if he knew of any in the area.

To add to the levels of pathetic this has gotten to, I received a dozen text messages this morning from the WW who couldn't believe I told our families already. She also tried blaming me for 'forcing her to make a decision!' and that she 'never said she wanted a divorce'. I told her that I didn't force her to tell me she didn't love me anymore and I never forced her to mention before she left that maybe we could get a dissolution.

In other news, my brother, who can be a bit of a hot head but has dealt with his own relationship issues in the past, I think took all of this the worst. He firmly believed that she wouldn't fess up to her parents and friends regarding what she did so without saying anything to me first he sent a message to all of them on facebook. Needless to say that just further added fuel to the fire. I'm mad at him for doing that, but at the same time he didn't tell them anything that wasn't true, and who knows if she would ever given the full explanation for why our marriage had already fallen apart.


Posts: 6 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
betrayedme2
Member
Member # 40639
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, September 16th (Monday)

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. "It sucks" doesn't even come close. "Shit sandwich" is closer, but still doesn't do the pain justice. Can only say you're not alone in this. We all suffer with you.

I know it doesn't help, but if it were to happen, be glad it happened now and before kids were involved. Sorry to have to say that.

Best wishes and please post back how you're doing as you move through your journey. We all feel your pain brother...


dday: 1/19/13
ME: mid 40's
WW: low 40'3
2 daughters, 17, 21
Reconciling

Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
RippedSoul
Member
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, September 16th (Monday)

My D-day came 21 years and 4 children into the marriage. As horrifying as your story is, I truly wish it were mine. Worrying about hiding it from the children, parenting through agonizing pain, is no picnic. Once you've grieved the loss of your marriage and your relationship, I hope you get to the point where you feel lucky--lucky to have escaped the fate of many of us here. My heart goes out to you! Hugs!


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 410 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
TheClimb
Member
Member # 25895
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, September 16th (Monday)

WW who couldn't believe I told our families already

Aside from the lying, the indignation displayed by those cheating just flat pisses me off. They have slept with someone other than their spouse, they have lied about it, over and over again. Then they blame us; "I haven't been happy in years", "we should never have married". And when the truth finally comes out, either from us or someone else, they are outraged that we "told".

H E L L O... it is the truth. Why are they angered to have others hear it but not angered that they DID IT! She should be mortified at what she did; not that the family found out.

I am so sorry you dealing with this. Don't let her put this on you. You did nothing wrong and don't deserve her wrath.


"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

Posts: 454 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Southern Maryland
toomanyregrets
Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, September 16th (Monday)

Why should your WW be mad at you?
You did nothing wrong.
She made a choice to end your marriage so it's only fitting that you inform tyour families that she decided to end it.

As for your brother, well he is family and he was mad, so someday you'll forgive him.


BH - 64
fWW - 59

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 446 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
Heath
Member
Member # 28992
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, September 16th (Monday)

So sorry to hear you are going through this. Stay strong.
A lot of great advice already.
You mentioned that your WW is beautiful. Sometimes that can be a really big thing to let go of, despite all the other poor character traits. My ex was incredibly beautiful and most people would make comments about her beauty. But she was also BPD and the behaviour that resulted was incredibly damaging. Not only to me, but to basically everyone around her.
You know the company we keep changes us. When I was around 18 I had a massive alcohol problem. I was in self destruct mode and fading fast. It got really serious when I started surfing while drunk and on another occasion the paramedics were called to my university after I had passed out during school one day. But I also had a girlfriend who believed in me and cared about me. Sure, she wasn't as beautiful as my ex but she was close, and still very attractive. But her character was a million times better. In fact, I credit the fact that I am not an alcoholic to her.
Sadly though, getting involved with my ex had a negative effect on my heart and my sanity. Ultimately I lost far more than I could ever gain, even though she was beautiful. Over a decade of damage is far worse than one month.
You have been given a gift. It is still such early days for you, you can walk away from this and meet someone really great who is beautiful inside and out.
But even that isn't so important right now. What is important is that you start building some walls around your heart and mind. Get into a space where you are looking after yourself as a person. Her behaviour is doing you damage, far worse than a cigarette or a bottle of rum.
I know a dentist whose wife cheated on him. They tried to make it work for about a month. But she wasn't interested, so he left. He has since been married to a beautiful woman for years. The wife he has now is beautiful, both physically and her character. His ex on the other hand has become a very bitter woman.
I am sure if you were to ask him if life is better now than with his ex, you would hear a very strident 'Yes'.
Knowing what I know now, if I was in your position, I would walk away almost without saying a word. You are in your twenties with the world of possibilities at your feet. Career choices, travelling, sport etc. Whatever you want to do. Not trying to minimize the hurt you are going through. I am sure you are devastated and most of us on this site know the feeling well. It's just that I see a massive silver lining for you, as others have also posted.


"It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything'.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
traildad
Member
Member # 35258
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, September 16th (Monday)

It sucks, but you''re gonna come out of this stronger than you ever thought possible. Allow yourself to grieve and experience the pain. You should go no contact with your ww ASAP. That will help the healing. Once you get the D or annulment handled you have no reason to speak to her ever again. Get together with friends, go to IC, work on yourself. We are here for you too.


Me BH - 33
3 beautiful young children
DDay 12/13/11
Divorced.

Posts: 650 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Michigan
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, September 16th (Monday)

(((clesu))) Her indignation is laughable.

My x was very hurt when I informed my family and some of his married friends as well. Told them all the gory details, spared nothing.

It was the truth, and they often don't like to face it. Much like when you rub a cat's face into the turd they lay on the carpet.

Poor muffin!


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17177 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, September 16th (Monday)

I received a dozen text messages this morning from the WW who couldn''t believe I told our families already. She also tried blaming me for ''forcing her to make a decision!'' and that she ''never said she wanted a divorce''.

Well WW, when you let another man go balls deep into you while committed to me, THAT was a notification from you that you didn''t want to be married to me. Wish you had told me that BEFORE I spent all of that money on a marriage and my family committed themselves to you as a daughter-in-law. Your suggestion that I should NOT tell my family that the woman that they were welcoming into their house as a daughter had betrayed them shows how depraved you''ve become. Do not contact me again unless it is to finalize finances, return of wedding gifts, or finalize our annulment/divorce.

And go NC with her.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4588 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Fireflies
Member
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, September 16th (Monday)

I'm sorry, Clesu.

I know it's not going to make you feel any better right now, but everyone is right that finding out now is a blessing. You can be rid of her before kids, etc complicate matters and make the path off of shit mountain a lot more difficult to navigate.

My WH had been cheating since before we were married. I only found out about it all 6 weeks ago, after 4+ years of marriage, a 2.5 year old, and baby number due in a week. Believe me, Clesu, you are way better off knowing who she really is now. And too fucking bad if she doesn't want everyone else to know what she did. She should've thought about that before she fucked another dude.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, September 16th (Monday)

My husband's marital betrayal started at least a decade ago...but it's probably been longer. He was probably unfaithful when we were in our mid-20's and dating. I doubt he's been loyal to me at all during the 15 years we've been together. I doubt I'll ever know the truth about the extent of his lies.

I'm so sorry. The ache you must feel -- literally one moment a newlywed on Cloud 9 and the next completely broken hearted.

You will go on. One day, this will just be another life experience you will have learned something from. You'll hold your head high and find a loyal woman to share your life with -- if you want to. If you don't, you'll be fine single too. The bottom line is that you will survive.

This "wife" of yours...well, she's a different story. Family, lifelong friends, old pals, co-workers...never again will these people spend their hard earned money to shower her with gifts and wedding well wishes. She got her fancy dress, people took time off from work to come celebrate with her, and she ate her cake. It was all just a show. She enjoyed the compliments about being a beautiful bride, flashed her ring, and reveled in her narcissism.

And now the party's over.

Did she really think no one would find out? I'm not saying it was your brother's place to break the news, but give him a hi-five from me!

This will follow her for the rest of her life. It will define her in the eyes of many. She deserves every last stare, whisper and cold shoulder...in time, she might be able to build herself a new shadow, but she'll never be able to hide from the mess she's made.

Best of luck to you. I hope you never find yourself lost here again.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, September 16th (Monday)

So sorry for your pain, clesu! It's got to feel overwhelming right now. Thanks for checking back in and letting us know how you are doing. Your story struck a chord with many of us. While we understand your suffering, it is a little easier for those of us outside the situation to see that you've dodged a bullet here. Not that it makes your pain any less for now. But I can see that many of us feel you've saved yourself years worth of heartache down the road.

I know it's too early to even think about it for you, but I sincerely hope you find someone wonderful who is worthy of your love. You deserve FAR FAR better than this! Take good care of yourself in the meantime...


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 633 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Thefly559
Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, September 16th (Monday)

I will not tell you what to do . because I was in your shoes and made my mistakes and I believe that most people already know what they will do and nobody can change that , at least for me it was like that! so anyway right before I was about to get married about 10 years ago my stbxww broke it off out of the blue ??? I was devastated! I wrote a letter to her to explain the pain I felt and how can she do this without a reason or remorse while I was in so much pain ? so fast foreward 10 years and we are married with two kids ,two homes ,a successful business , two cars, retirement ,pension, savings etc. and guess what she did ? yup you guessed it , the same thing, divorced me out of the blue , lied , cheated , stole, and worst of all no remorse!!! except this time I caught her in a hotel at 2am with a guy fom her new job! so through trying to discover why ? I come across the letter I wrote her 10 years ago before marriage and the words were identical to the new letter and feelings I was having , so much that it was scary! my point is that if I would have taken the clues then and saw the signs then maybe I would not be in this mess I am in now! on the bright side I would do it all again for my kids! but you don't have them yet ! so I will not suggest what you do because you will do what you want regardless , especially at 25 yrs old , although you sound mature. I feel your pain and just wanted to share my mistake with you so you know you are not alone ! and yes I think now, that she cheated before marriage and that is why she broke it off. all the best . stay strong


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 612 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
StruckNumb
Member
Member # 38973
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

I'm very sorry this is happening to you. Oddly enough, I use to work with a guy who had the same thing happen. Literally, a month after his honeymoon, his wife had a ONS with a co-worker and confessed. She said it wouldn't happen again since she felt she had "gotten it out of her system.". It didn't matter. He wasted no time getting out of that marriage. He figured she was only in it for the honeymoon trip to Hawaii. Anyway, the following year, he met the woman of his dreams and they married. Last I heard, they're still happy together. I wish this for you also. You deserve much, much better!


me-BW-51
f?WH - 49
m27 yrs, T 28, no kids
OW-WH's former CW, friends + 20yr
DDay-11/16/12, LT EA, 4y? PA, manymany
EA with FFriends over the years
Attempting R
Is there an end to blindness in sight?

Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: N.California
Topic Posts: 58