My anger at her has sealed my fate. even if she was to go NC with the AP, she still " wouldn't want to be with me any more"
Damn. This is exactly the bullshit my ex tried to feed me. It wasn't his affair that led to the situation we were in, it was my reaction. And even if AP wasn't involved anymore we couldn't be together "for a long time" because of what *I* did (the horrible offense of showing anger towards his heartbreaking betrayal, lies and blameshifting).
FTB (F*ck that Bit*h!) Amazing that a lying, cheating ass, unremorseful wayward can still feel like a prize.