User Topic: How did this happen??
Member # 40287
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

I came to the realization today that I don't love him anymore. 7 months ago I couldn't imagine life without him and now I look forward to life without him. Has anyone else ever felt this way??? It is a strange feeling!

BW - Me 43
WH - Cheating Swine 43
Dday - February 12, 2013....a week before I was to give birth to the child I miscarried and 12 days before our 5th anniversary.

Posts: 316 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: DFW
Member # 39669
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

In previous relationships, yes. This one? Nope! If anything, I feel like I cannot live without the guy. I'm always scared to step out of my house.

Wants nothing to do with our daughter
No Contact

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Newwhere
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

I no longer love my STBXH either!!!

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

I feel this way too. It's weird at how I feel like I'm parenting with a stranger now. He's like this guy that I have to hand my kids over to every week that I hardly know. There is no love at all for him any longer. I couldn't even imagine being in a relationship with him at this point.

BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 918 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

Yes it feels weird, this new 'normal' takes some getting used to. We have all spent a number of years being moulded into what they expected of us. Breaking that habit is hard and it hurts. It will get better though (it still feels strange to me).

Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

Posts: 748 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

Yes. It''s weird. I feel like the person I married and loved would have never done all of this, but she did. Therefore, I realize that I never truly knew her, and it''s hard to love someone who you never knew. I definitely do not love the person that I see her to be now.

Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

I was kind of surprised about it too because it felt like it happened overnight. Truth is it was happening incrementally, little by little. With each new monstrous thing he tried to pull in this SD I loved him less and less.

I remember the moment I felt that last bit of love and affection for him leave my body - it felt like butterflies flying out of me.

It was when he sent me a thinly veiled threat that he was going to use certain very sensitive information about things to do with my parents that happened almost 30 years ago against me in this S/D.

I knew he had zero chance of doing so but the fact that he would even threaten it was so unbelievable it became impossible to have feelings for him at that point.

I now look back and am astonished that I was ever fearful about life without him. It rocks.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

Just hearing his voice reminds me of how happy I am to NOT hear that voice every evening. When I see him (rarely) I can't believe I ever let him touch/kiss me.

I think it happened because I learned on SI that NC=no new hurts and it gave me a chance to get out of the fog I was in.

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2205 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

Yep. He is now just someone that I used to know.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

Just hearing his voice reminds me of how happy I am to NOT hear that voice every evening. When I see him (rarely) I can't believe I ever let him touch/kiss me.
I think it happened because I learned on SI that NC=no new hurts and it gave me a chance to get out of the fog I was in.

All of this!

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, September 8th (Sunday)

I have felt this and still do back and forth. I am having longer and longer "stints" though now and I love it.
One night (we are in the same house still), I had the fear of God in me and realized how alone I am in this city. I have no friends, family, or even an "emergency contact" anymore. Mr so committed couldn't handle it. Anyways... He said to me as I was crying. "You know we'll be together "and it through me out of my fear and into a "oh hell no!". I think all this time the fear is what is keeping me here. 23 yrs down the drain. This is a good thing for us survivors!

Update 09/28/14
Me - BS, 44
Him - WH, 46
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
Divorcing 09/28/14

Posts: 230 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

This isn't an easy place to get to, but I'm on my way. It took months for my own fog to clear, as the purple haze that he generated for me to live in was very thick. But now that it is lifting and I am understanding more and more, it's hard to have any positive feelings for the person he turned out to be.

People accuse me of still loving him if I say anything about him or anything nice and I hate that. On our anniversary when I mentioned it was that day to a friend, she accused me of still being in love with him and it floored me...she's never been married or had a very long relationship, though, if that has to do with anything.

I think I loved the life we had for a time afterward and it took a while for that to sink in, too, that it was only me living the marriage anymore...he never told me, he was a poofer.

You're right, Mof2, it is strange and I feel like a very different person, because I was married for so long and totally devoted to that life and lifestyle.

I'm kind of like a fish out of water, flopping on the floor or ground and searching for air, now, in trying to figure out who I am supposed to be and what my purpose is now.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 12