Ok so. This is pretty much just a vent session but any advice is welcome.
Almost 3 months ago now, my H and I had a fight. He owns his own business but had taken the day off and called me at work to see what we were doing with the kids when I got out. It was the end of the school year so I was planning on cleaning my classroom so I told him he had them for the afternoon. He was annoyed because he needed to go into work. I obv got mad at that and when I got home I told him all he cared about was work and that he should just stay out for the night because I didn't want to deal with him. (Probably one of two big fights we have ever been in). Well this apparently made him snap and he never came home after that. He was in an out the following week and then packed a bag and hasn't been home since. I then later found out he had been having an EA with a woman while he was still living with me.
So today I was at a family party. One of my cousins is married to a friend of ours from high school. Apparently they have known my H hasn't been living with us for a while now because someone told them. The husband of my cousin is friends with my H and went right to him when he heard this. My H confirmed that he was not living with us but also told him that I had told him not to come back. That we had been having a lot of problems in our marriage and he was told to leave for good.
This infuriates me. 1. I had no idea we had "marital problems". Yes we argued but enough for him to leave? No way. 2. I never told him to leave for good. I simply told him to stay out for the night. 3. How DARE he demonize me! He was the one having an affair while he was still at home.
How can a person think this way? I get there are two sides to every story but man our sides are not even in the same book. So now what am I suppose to do, go around and tell my side of the story? No I really don't have time for that. But I do not want to look like the bad guy here. I didnt even know he was unhappy or cheating or wanting out. He didnt make one effort to fix things. Not one effort to communicate ANYTHING! But nope, I look like the nagging b*tch who threw her husband out.
So so so angry. But so depressed because I still want to fix my marriage. I don't know how to make him see his thinking is screwed up. He clearly is rewriting history to justify his actions of the affair.
I saw someone's post about their husband saying to them, if I really loved you how could I do this to you. I honestly think that is what my H is thinking. He thinks he must not love me because of what he did. So instead he looks for all the reasons to make himself look ok in his own mind.
I am doing NC as much as possible given we have kids. I reeaaallly just want him to wake up and smell the friggen roses already. But unfortunately it sounds like it will never happen. And that depresses me!