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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Divorce process to begin
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

So my WW and I agreed to make an appointment with a divorce attorney and try to mediate the divorce. We don't have much to fight over, and we both agree that the kids are 50-50. We'll see where this goes.

She doesn't want to leave her AP, but was surprised that I didn't want to be more involved in her cancer care moving forward, and also surprised how angry I was once I found out about the affair. Just weirdness. I asked her today what she thought my reaction would be during the years of her affair. She said she expected that I would have my heart-broken, be sad and angry. But she didn't think I would be sooo angry, and that is what made her decide that she didn't want R. She said there is a scale of anger, and I was way too high. How do people make this shit up?

[This message edited by kg201 at 6:36 PM, September 7th (Saturday)]


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

Good luck bro. Her head is so far up her ass she is spitting toilet paper. Anger level my ass. Just another attempt at justifying her behaviors. As for her Cancer care. She needs to remember that you were fired by her the moment she brought another man into the picture. If she wants him and he wants her he must take the good with the bad. WTF did she think ? That you would be the caregiver while OM gets to have cream ? This woman is seriously delusional.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5434 | Registered: Nov 2007
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

Delusion is far more powerful than we will ever understand. Chin up, kg - you're doing just fine.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22649 | Registered: Aug 2011
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

kg, I hope the meeting goes well. Your WW is some piece of work. Way too high on the scale of anger, huh? Sounds like she's way too high on the scale of batshit crazy.

What a horrible situation for you and your kids. And she CHOSE to put you in this situation. Always remember that when she's trying to make you feel guilty for her choices.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4661 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, September 7th (Saturday)

She was surprised by your anger over the affair? She's continuing with the AP but is surprised that you no longer want to take care of her the way you were before/during the affair?

I'm surprised that someone so unintelligent can walk and breath at the same time.

You are so much better off without someone so stupid and delusional. (((kg201)))


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, September 8th (Sunday)

Kg, I'm kinda concerned. You say that there's not much to split. What about the medical bills? They can't be small. Is she assuming them? Can the insurance company come after you for them? Not to be crass, but is there a life insurance policy? Are you still the beneficiary? Continuing insurance(medical) to be maintained by who? Is there a lifetime family limit?

Leaving you bankrupt is not in the best interest of your children when that time comes. Please protect yourself as best you can and the law allows. Regardless how it may look to others. You need to protect the kids.

Crap. I hate bringing it up. I really hope you've already covered that.

Strength


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, September 8th (Sunday)

Thanks everyone for the comments. I've actually been doing pretty well emotionally the last 4 days or so, even after the conversation yesterday. I think I may have skipped over some grief steps into acceptance (famous last words maybe).

With the health insurance I did a quick look at my state's law, and the law mandates that the ex continue to be carried on the health policy, unless they remarry. Our health insurance is fairly good and so far the only real bills have come from ER visit co-pays. The weekly bill to the insurance company over the last year was averaging $70,000, while we paid the $20 co-pay. I do have to look at the lifetime limits, because I do not know if those exist with my policy or not (but I would assume we had already reached it with the amount they have been shelling out).

She says, and we will see if she stays true to this in the mediation, that she has no intention of changing the beneficiary of her life insurance. She says that her goal is for me to continue taking care of the kids when she passes, and the life insurance is part of that. So until the negotiation begins, I don't have anything else to think that she would do otherwise.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 380 | Registered: Aug 2013
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, September 8th (Sunday)

Kg, please also hire an attorney to review the agreement and ensure you aren't getting a raw deal.

You can also stipulate that either or both of you carry a life insurance policy of a specific amount with the ex being the beneficiary. I would definitely do this.

You need your own counsel. It won't be that expensive.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29473 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 8