|Just Found Out|
Topic: Only sadness left
Member # 40591
| Posted: 8:32 AM, September 8th (Sunday)|
Iím howling like a wounded dog, angry, powerless, unsure what to do. Came home from a last-minute cancelled business trip and found menís shoes leading up the staircase and voices from my wife and a man upstairs. My throat became dry and my stomach sank. I walked up and in the semi-dark made out someone between her naked legs either already having sex or just about to. My heart beat and blood pressure must have gone up to 200. My face got red and I was angry as never before in my life and yet I was too chicken to walk in on them. I sank to the floor in the hallway. I heard the sounds of kissing and soft laughing, then silence followed by a long pleasured grunt. This really and totally hurt. If she did not have sex before, she had it now. I never felt that low in my life, everything became meaningless, total betrayal, I wanted to scream and storm in and at the same time I was too coward to do it. What made it even worse is that she did not have feverish sex but slow intimate almost inaudible sex. He was not fucking her. He made love to her. There was almost no noise except soft talking which I could not understand, kissing sounds, her moans. From the lack of other sounds it seemed he circled and ground his filthy dick inside my wife's pussy without ever pushing out. I silently banged my head against my arms raging with jealousy. It was enough for her to orgasm for a minute or more. That really hurt. I internally raged with jealousy, anger and powerlessness. Why was I such a wimp and not thunder in?? I felt like such a loser. If that was bad enough, it got worse. Each pleasured grunt from her orgasms pierced like a fire-red hot iron rod into my head. When it was finally over, there was more kissing and soft laughing and she nervously giggled and said something like no promises for a second time. If I was supposed to feel better, I didn't.
It seemed he was kind of play fighting with her to sleep with him a second time right there and then. No surprise. He didn't have his orgasm yet, unless I missed it. I was in total fury yet powerlessness and, yes, sadness, even from the hallway I recognised the sounds. I knew she allowed his mouth to kiss her between her legs. Each little moan from her lips was like a sledge hammer thundering down on my head. It seemed like an eternity of pain and maybe it was only a few minutes. I don't know. Of course he moved up on her to have sex again. I actually started to cry when my wife let out her first long moan of the "second time". I understood next to nothing they said. Sometimes I did. He wanted my wife to put her hand down there between their bodies and onto his filthy crotch. It appeared my wife actually was not ready to do that. He talked something unintelligible, no doubt to encourage her to do it. I felt worse than at any other time in my life, totally slumped into the floor, in tears. From the noises coming from the bedroom I think the bastard even lifted his body up high to make it easier for her. I powerlessly internally raged and my heart beating so fast I am sure it became dangerous for my health. He stopped moving. Silence. Then a sudden "yess Cindy ". It made me sick. He repeated "yess Cindy", each time more pleased. I guess that meant she was moving her hand closer to his dirty cock. I wanted to storm in and again chickened out. I wish I had the guts. It seemed like a hellful torturing eternity. He let out a very loud totally sickening "yesss" which I was totally hopelessly sure meant her fingers had arrived at his filth. My throat closed. Nausea. I know how satisfying her fingers are. He let off a host of satisfied grunts. From his sickening non-ending satisfied grunts I guess my wife's fingers stayed down there stroking his balls even after he started having sex with her again. Sometimes the sex stopped, probably to delay his orgasm. I stumbled up from the floor, I could not have beared to listen him cuming in my wife. Instinctively, sick to my stomach and in a stupor, howling with inner rage and impotence and jealousy. I slowly stumbled down the staircase, nauseous amidst his grunts, and left the house. I am now in a hotel. My wife thinks Iím on the business trip. I donít know what to do. I feel lost. The absolutely worst was that she was not fucking, as in just sex. I know my romantic wife. For her, this was intimacy with full feelings. For him, he likes her, that's for sure. For him this was about sex and starting regular intimacy with my all-around attractive wife. For me, there is nothing but sadness. I don't even know who is is.
Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 40166
| Posted: 9:21 AM, September 8th (Sunday)|
Nohope, I'm so sorry for what you have witnessed. How terrible and shocking.
Please keep posting and reading. It will get easier eventually.
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.
Posts: 943 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 33901
| Posted: 9:37 AM, September 8th (Sunday)|
So sorry for your situation. It is hard now, but please try to slow down your thoughts and take care of yourself.
Me BS 48
Her WS 39
DDay 7/5/10 1/yr EA/PA
DS1 12 DS2 8
Posts: 117 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: ChiLand
Member # 20334
| Posted: 9:55 AM, September 8th (Sunday)|
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Take it one moment at a time. Read in the library. The link is on the left side of the screen.
Don't beat yourself up about not walking into the room. We can only do what we can.
When one door closes, another door opens. It's the journey through the hallway that sucks.
Posts: 3777 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: PA
Member # 39073
| Posted: 10:29 AM, September 8th (Sunday)|
I'm sorry you have to go through this. How awful it must have been to hear all that. It is probably good you didn't go into the room and left instead. Is there someone you could talk to before confronting her. The pain must be overwhelming.
Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email
Posts: 188 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 22870
| Posted: 10:35 AM, September 8th (Sunday)|
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 40347
| Posted: 12:10 PM, September 8th (Sunday)|
I am so sorry in reading your account. The first thing that comes to mind is that you are not a coward, you are nothing but. It took more courage to walk away, and not confront - because you are dealing with your hurt and anger alone and that takes a significant amount of strength, willpower. I hope you get answers, and I hope that this does not give you nightmares. You deserve answers, and I would prepare for what you are going to say when the time comes. You are stronger than you think you are. Remember that. Again, I am so sorry for your pain.
The grass isn't greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.
Posts: 58 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 40591
| Posted: 12:55 PM, September 8th (Sunday)|
Thanks for listening. I am still hold up in the hotel. I haven't slept. She actually sent me a text message saying she misses me and spent last night reading a book and even signed off "love you, Cindy". I am so far completely unable to handle this. I am supposed to be back from the (cancelled) business trip on Wednesday.
Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 26465
| Posted: 1:05 PM, September 8th (Sunday)|
Get your finances in order.
Now. Go see a lawyer and no your options. knowledge is power.
Can you rent a vehicle and follow her?
Can you go into house plant a VAR do the same in her car?
If your state allows it as in not illegal and you can use the evidence if needed for a divorce. Again if needed not have to. Knowledge evidence is power for you.
I am soooo sorry you witnessed that. It is one thing to think you know but first hand I could not of. My heart goes out to you.
After the lawyer and finances I would find a good therapist that deals in trauma and infidelity.
We are here for you.
Remember this is not the end ok.
It is a piece of the puzzle of life.
There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing
Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 40591
| Posted: 3:51 PM, September 8th (Sunday)|
Update: I've called my most trusted friend and he'll visit me here in the hotel.
I cannot stand the thought that she tells me "she reads a book" when for all I know, she is at this moment allowing him to drop her skirt for her "third time" with him. The only consolation, which counts for little, is that she certainly is not initiating. She is of a sensitive but passive personality. There is no doubt that he seduced her rather than she him. But she allows it to happen. I feel sick and nothing but sad. My head isn't working at all. Haven't slept at all, my body is pumped with caffeine and circling painful thoughts.
[This message edited by nohopelefttnow at 4:35 PM, September 8th (Sunday)]
Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 31528
| Posted: 7:43 PM, September 8th (Sunday)|
nohopelefttnow won't be returning to this thread.
Posts: 35777 | Registered: Mar 2011
|Topic Posts: 11|| |