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Wayward Side
User Topic: DDay years after A
1DumbHusband
Member
Member # 40239
Stop  Posted: 11:38 AM, September 8th (Sunday)

Here is a question for the WSes out there. Has anyone had their DDay occur years after the A? In my case, DDay occurred approximately 2 years after PA activities. I still had some EA activity online, but the PA activity was 2 years prior. My BS wants as much detail as possible. Some things I have remembered, others I have not, whether due do compartmentalization or my poor crappy memory. Even some of the details I do remember, I've gotten details mixed up, gotten the timeline of events mixed up, and my poo BS still feels I'm lying by omission when I honestly don't have the details. Has anyone else had a similar issue? If so, how did you address it or help your memory? I want so badly to give my BS what she needs for her healing. I want her rollercoaster to not be as bad and for her to be able feel she has the information she needs.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
RemorsefulWH
Member
Member # 36446
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

I have been here and still am, I can't offer much advice as I've been struggling with this issue for months but I understand how you feel.


Me: WH 33
Wife: BS 32 (love of my life)
DD 4
Dday1: 12/03/12 and a number of others until 15/04/13, disgusted in myself

Posts: 75 | Registered: Aug 2012
gfrich
New Member
Member # 37948
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Hi DH,
Our DDay was 8 and a half years after the A. I could also only give my BS bits and pieces of info, which was very hurtful for her.

All i can tell you is that you have to really dig deep to try to find those answers she is looking for. I think the best thing you can do is try your very best to remember and give your BS evry bit of info that comes to mind, even if you dont think it is that important - it may be very important to her. If there is something she asks that you genuinely can't remember try to explain this to your BS as best you can and let her know that you really do want to help her and you do want to remember, but you can't and as soon as something does come to mind that you will tell her right away.

My BS still has unanswered questions and it is very difficult for her to have closure, because there are still pieces of the puzzle missing.

I took a polygragh for some of the questions and to verify some of the details and there was some comfort to BS with that.

I also tried hypnosis for more details and to answer some of the questions, but that was not very successful.

I think it is very important to show your willingness to try very hard to find the answers, because even if you are not successful she will be able to see that you have been willing to give it your all to find those answers.

Good luck


WH (me) 46
BS 46
Together 29 years, married 25 years
2 daughters 24 & 18
D- Day 18/8/12
6 month EA that lead to 4 month PA in 2004

Posts: 32 | Registered: Dec 2012
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

I write everything in my dayplanner, and I save them for years. (I have a strange attachment to my dayplanners ). For me, it helped to look back and remember when certain activities occurred based on the events of the week/day, etc. Work events, trips...little and big things that happened around the times of the cheating.

If you don't have old calendars saved, write out the timeline as accurately as you can. Start with broad dates, general information, and fill in the details as you are able to.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37535 | Registered: Sep 2007
1DumbHusband
Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Thanks for your input folks. I will start to keep a journal of sorts per Authenticnow's suggestion. I want to give my BS what she needs as best I can. I just have to keep trying as memory and other details come back.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
Topic Posts: 5