SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Getting there...
dbellanon
Member
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Thought I'd give you kind folks here at SI a little update.

Things are going well, though this depends on my using a definition of the word "well" to which I have not been previously accustomed.

Our court date is scheduled one week from tomorrow. It will still be 120 days after that until our marriage is officially dissolved, but I'm going to consider myself a free man after that.

I've been able to spend some quality time with my little girl, which has just been a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark time. I'm pouring all of my love into her, and it feels like we're really bonding in a new and special way.

She spent her first weekend at her mother's new apartment, which she seemed to enjoy. I picked her up this afternoon, which was the first time I had seen XWW since she moved out. She seemed to be on her best behavior, so it was fairly painless.

I feel like I've reached a turning point. I'm not happy, by any means, but my antipathy for XWW seems to be fading slowly into the background. I don't think every day about what she did. I don't spend all my spare moments going over imaginary arguments with her. I seem to have come to a point where I can shrug my shoulders and say, "Well. I guess this is my life now." We have a new routine with new responsibilities and expectations, and we're settling into them.

It feels difficult to have to hype up things about the separation to my daughter, like making going to Mommy's new apartment seem like a fun and exciting new thing, but I think I've been doing a decent job at encouraging a positive relationship between the two of them.

Still, it gave me a good amount of satisfaction when my daughter told me that she didn't like her mother's bolognese sauce. Mine is better .

So I'm making it. Five months out, and I'm doing much better than I ever thought I could be. I still need a new job, but everything else seems to be working so far. Let's keep our fingers crossed that it stays that way. With any luck, I'll be able to join the NB forum soon.


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 222 | Registered: May 2013
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Good job in reaching for indifference.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7653 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, September 8th (Sunday)

Love this!

Kudos to you - that is amazing for 5 months out.

Even a little bit of indifference makes this all so much easier to cope with and adjust to. I imagine complete indifference is absolute bliss.

In that middle ground between sad and happy is NOT UNHAPPY. A far nicer place to be.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Good for you!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1118 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Topic Posts: 4