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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: My little girl is 3 today
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, September 9th (Monday)

We had a lovely day - big party at daycare (family and non-daycare friends party is this weekend) with surprise appearances by Tinkerbell and a Pirate who also happened to be master face-painters and balloon twisters.

I then picked the girls up early and we had a fun-filled park visit followed by dinner and icecream at our favourite Thai restaurant (right next door to the old house - we live only 1km/0.6 miles away) then lots of shenannigans at bathtime and before bed followed by a squealing game of peekabo with the kittens chasing our hands under the bedroom door.

A blissful day all up.

The hard part? I posted a pic of her first bath at home on FB and we started going through all of their baby photos on my FB. I forgot how much they love seeing these photos and hearing about the first time I saw them. I forgot how misty the thoughts and memories make me. I'm sad that I find these photos hard to look at. A little angry too.

I was so desperately sad during their babyhood. They were the easiest babies on the planet but deep down I always wondered if all time and energy I put into them caused the huge gulf in my M. I now know it definitely wasn't but still, I'm sad for ever having the thought. For the lost time. Time I'll never get back.

I'm more than making up for it now - even with 50/50 I am ten times the mother I was back then. Patient, engaged, happy, loving. I was those things before but it wasn't always natural like it is now, I faked it a lot.

I know the only way through it is through it but damn - their baby photos and birth stories being a trigger sucks arse. Big.Time.

Have any of you been through this too and does it pass eventually? It has dampened from the last 2 birthdays but I guess I'm looking for some hope that this in particular won't happen come up every time I look at their photos or think of their lovely birth stories.

TBH I'm also a worried that I was a bit hesitant to type these feelings out let alone actually post it. To date I have really enjoyed embracing my vulnerability but I'm not liking it one bit ATM.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4557 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, September 9th (Monday)

It is such a beautiful photo too.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 7:21 AM, September 9th (Monday)]


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4557 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
MissMoneypenny
New Member
Member # 34714
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Happy Birthday to your precious little one and congratulations to you for making it such a lovely day for both of you !
My girl is 5 and was just 2 when I had my big DDay- I feel I lost almost one year with her then because I wasn`t functioning as a mom- I couldn`t play with her,sing to her, NOTHING, I was so empty and desperate.
The only thing I could do was reading to her because I can read aloud without even registering what I am reading therefore I had time to play all the mind movies in my head.
And before DDay I felt constantly alone with her and DS , well in fact I WAS as their father had already checked out of our marriage.

Only now I feel the strong bond forming between me and her.
Of her early childhood I have nothing but sad memories and the feeling of utter despair.


" The only thing I have in common with OW is our birthday "

Posts: 43 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Europe
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, September 9th (Monday)

Hugs to you, and your beautiful girls.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 10 and 13
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1354 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, September 9th (Monday)

THat photo is so beautiful it has brought tears to my eyes. Happy Birthday to your little girl.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8783 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, September 9th (Monday)

oh wow ... I LOVE that picture! Being vulnerable is being strong! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

My DD just turned 18 and we were also looking at baby photos. I chose two to put on my facebook In time, going through baby pictures and birth stories will be less triggery. The further along you are in moving forward will change/evolve how you look at your past. Does that make sense? Sorry.

Bottom line ... you had a wonderful and lovely time with your daughters! You ARE an incredible mommy!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
I FINALLY GOT A COURT DATE: 5/29/14!!

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 6