SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: I'm a puddle of unhappiness
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I'm such a mess. Nothing "happened" and yet I feel like I'm back to the first week after disclosure. I can't stop crying, can't get out of bed. Feel sick and like dying.

H is remorseful, does all the things but nothing is helping. No matter how many texts he sends, the non text moments break my heart. No matter what he says, does, I don't know, I just want to die alone under a rock.

Help. How do I snap out of this.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 951 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
PrincessPeach06
Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I was a mess this past weekend for no reason. I woke up Saturday and started crying again for no reason although H said "yes there is a reason". He worked extra hard, making me breakfast and spending time with me all weekend and today I feel better. I was terrified I was spiraling downward but I'm guessing there will be days like that. (((Hugs)))


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, September 9th (Monday)

My whole weekend was pretty much like this, though today is worse with H back at work. He did try so hard but I still feel like shit.

Maybe the fact that I never felt that there was something wrong with our marriage so I have no gauge. I don't know.

I just can't stop crying. I feel like suck an idiot.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 951 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I still have days like this at 18 months out. It's part of the process I think. Just feel it and let go. I find that after I have had my cry I will feel a little better.

(((Morhurt)))


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
kansas1968
Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, September 9th (Monday)

So sorry you are feeling bad today. Just go ahead and let yourself feel bad. Cry and get it out of your system. They don't call this trip a roller-coaster for nothing. That is truly what it is.
You will have really good days when you think you have it under control and then you crash.
It will get better with time. Talk to your husband and let him know you are having a bad day. Let him reassure you.
The sun will come up.


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1319 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I still have days like this and I am 2+ years out.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, September 9th (Monday)

He came home from work and held me while I sobbed. I think I've been trying to be tough and not let him know how deeply wounded I am, how much I love him and how scared I still am. I think I was afraid that I showed those things I would feel like I was giving him power over me or something. Anyway, this feels better.

I feel a bit better now. Mostly all cried out.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 951 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, September 9th (Monday)

The object of R is to grow back together and learn to be open and honest with each other. Hiding your emotions, "being tough," not showing your pain is contraindicated with these goals.

Feelings are. They just are. They are not necessarily right or wrong, they are what you are feeling at the time. They are a great way to allow the person feeling them to ask for help and for the other person to connect by giving that help. You would be shortchanging both yourself AND your WH by hiding them. Let them out, ask for help, and receive that help. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4939 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
ccw82
Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, September 9th (Monday)

I agree with Skan 100%! Instead of being tough, let him see you in a moment of weakness. Let him hold you while you cry. Let him prove to you that he'll be there for you to help pick up the shattered pieces of your marriage.

We are not quite 3 months out from DDay, but I have to admit that 7 times out of 10 I feel better when he just holds me during my "moments". I give him the opportunity to show me how truly remorseful he is. There are times he even breaks down and cries with me. That makes an impact.


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Thank you all SO much for responding to my puddle post. You were right of course, nothing helps like talking to H and being vulnerable, allowing him into my heart and mind to help me heal.

Today was a much better day.

Sometimes I think I need a break from SI as I find so many of the posts so sad and worrying. I hear what other WS have done and it makes me second guess my H. But over all I need you guys. You saved me yesterday.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 951 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 10