I'm making myself sick. I had 2 panic attacks today. Yesterday I had a sit down with my husband and told him that I love him and want to work things out but I have fallen out of love with him. He's been shut down since that conversation feeling sorry for himself (instead of stepping it up like I asked him too). Needless to say things are awkward only compounded by the fact that we work with the same company & are both directors there. Ugh...
I woke up fine. He slept in the spare bedroom but when I saw him this morning I could feel myself tense up so I went and took a shower. Felt better. Then we got ready for work and once we got in the car I couldn't catch my breath. (We downsized to 1 car in Jan. DDay was March). I dropped him off first before I took baby boy to daycare. I sat in the car for 10 minutes silently crying bcuz I didn't want my son to hear me sobbing and trying to get myself together to walk into the daycare building.
I pulled myself together, went into work where he was already starting his list of things to do...and I put on my happy face.
I was good bcuz I got to leave to go to one of our business partners and teach classes there for 4 hours. As soon as I got back to work I tried to prepare for my last class. I saw him and felt sick immediately. I made it 30 minutes into teaching my last class of the day and then had to call a coworker over so I could run to the bathroom and throw up...they were nice enough to take the rest of the class for me.
I don't know if I am really sick (I work with kids so they bring lots of germs & some flu bug is going around already) or if it's just panic...I feel fine when I'm distracted...but then I think about us and him and can't breath.
This is so not fair to baby boy. I don't care if I'm hurting but he deserves a mom that can function to take care of him...HELP PLEASE Me: 26 BS Him: 29 WH
Together since Dec 2005
officially done 10-30-13
Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.