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User Topic: Update on he doesn't know that I know
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, September 9th (Monday)

In my previous thread I was asking for suggestions as to giving my husband his birthday party surprise. I made sure to invite the OW who's been pretending to be my friend.

Husband's surprise birthday party was something he'll never forget

The OW is his work colleague and someone who befriended me. Last week I asked her to go shopping with me to help with picking out his gift from me.

To the OW's surprise I took her to a porn shop. I bought a super sized butt plug explaining that my husband loved me giving him anal. I bought body oil explaining he loved to give me massages. I even made sure to walk awkwardly saying I was sore from the previous evening of being ridden like a mare by my stallion.

I enjoyed reading their exchanges after my shopping trip with OW, whom I like to refer to as Hauren.

The birthday surprise party was this past Saturday. My sister's boyfriend, who was in on my surprise took hubby golfing and drinking the entire day as I was at home getting my stuff into a moving van.

I was packed and gone by the time hubby returned home to balloons on and a surprise banner on our door.

Inside the nearly empty apartment I had scattered sheets and sheets of evidence I had printed off.

I had a card for him that sad f**k you and my lawyer will be in touch.

I'm staying with my sister. I've been crying most of the time, not for him but for me.

I loved that jackass, but I'm going to love me more.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, September 9th (Monday)

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!

STANDING OVATION!

You rock. Best EFF YOU departure I've seen in a long time.

Hope you are ok and taking care of yourself. Hugs..


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3240 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: ATX
Offhispedestal
Member
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, September 9th (Monday)

You sound like this was definitely a deal breaker for you. I dont know how you managed to keep this to yourself for months. What happened after he showed up?? (((Hugs to you)))


ME-43
WH-45
Married 23


2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R


Posts: 623 | Registered: Jun 2011
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, September 9th (Monday)

wow, handled like a pro
*claps*


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 817 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Karmita,

I bow to the master.

And I am green with envy.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 592 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Karmita,

I bow to the master.

And I am green with envy.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 592 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, September 9th (Monday)

p.s has he tried to contact you?


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 817 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Titanium
Member
Member # 38866
Happy  Posted: 11:21 PM, September 9th (Monday)

BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!

Love a gutsy courageous woman.....you made my YEAR!!!!!

"I am woman hear me roar"

Take really good care of yourself.......you deserve it.

(((((Hugs )))))


BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorcing........ :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 92 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Wow!!! The best post I have read in awhile. You go girl!!! I guess he knows now. I wished I had remained as strong as you, but I was blindsided by a call from OW, otherwise I would like to think I could have handled it the same way. Let us know his reaction. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Thanks everyone but I don't feel like a rock star.

These past few months have taken it's toll on me. I don't know how cheaters do it with living a double life. Pretending to be normal while I was nauseous as I collected evidence has been excruciating.

If it had not been for my sister who'd been through two d-days until she finally kicked her husband to curb
and was my teacher and my rock and allowed me handle being betrayed and my moment of fuck you to hubby.

As to hubby, he's been burning my cell phone with texts and voice mail.
I haven't spoken to him since Saturday morning.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
allusions
Member
Member # 25376
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Wait a minute! What happened to the butt plug? Did you attach the F you note to it?

Posts: 245 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, September 9th (Monday)

hopefully she shoved it up the OW's ass.

Oh, whoops. Did I just type that out loud?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3240 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: ATX
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, September 9th (Monday)


Oh yeah...about the butt plug and massage oil I had it wrapped in box for Hauren. Oh and I added some real shit to go with it.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, September 9th (Monday)

(((Karmita)))

As an after thought to my post. I can only imagine the pain that you have been going through with knowing this and keeping it inside for so long. I am so sorry.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, September 9th (Monday)

This one might become a classic...


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Oh my this is magical.....I could actually see it while you were describing it!!!!! Glad you got to have the last laugh. Too many of us take so long to truly laugh again with gusto!

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
millienotboo
Member
Member # 22415
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Love it!


M-8 yrs together 11
Me-45 BW
Him-49-WH
D-Day 10-10-2008
In R

Posts: 735 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: South
momentintime
Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Karmita I hope you are keeping it together. I am sure you are in tremendous pain. I don't know if this was a dealbreaker for you, but understand the turmoil will continue for quite some time. Regardless if you file or if you do try to R.

I am sure you shocked the hell out of him. He deserved it. Take care of you. No matter what you decide to do in the future, we are all here to support you either way.

Get a good night's sleep if you can. Let your heart slow down from the rapid race it has been doing. Breathe and give yourself time to think about what you want your future to look like. You did good, but I am sure it hasn't been easy now that you have blown the A wide open.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2824 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
trebleclef
Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

WOW! You are one amazingly together chickie! I totally understand the special hell of "knowing" while still having to pretend you don't - BTDT. I can't imagine how you managed to keep your cool - out with the OW! I would have been a shaking mess. BIG HUGS - this is the hard part.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1807 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I admire your ability to "play along" as you collected evidence ~ Good God that must require huge self control.

As for that birthday surprise...THE BEST!

You should become a Party Planner for BS.

That aside, I know you are hurting and I am sorry for your pain. You are obviously a strong woman with a wonderful support system. You will get through this. {{{Karmita}}}


ME: 53 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 1982 | Registered: Nov 2011
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Your my hero!!! I'm sorry because I know your sad but damn if I had just one of your king sized balls I would be ecstatic...I hope I can make my departure as awesome as yours.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3985 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Wow you are so courageous! Remember that moment when you felt so brave because times are gonna get tough. That was the real you shining through. Please look after yourself this roller coaster is a horrible ride.


"You can never have too much happy!"

Posts: 1151 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

((((Karmita))))

You are amazing.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6656 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

((((Karmita))))
You are amazing.

This.

You're going to be okay - lean on us; we're going to be here for you every step of the way.

Big hugs,

Lala


Me - 48; FWH - 50
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
4yo GS & 14 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4812 | Registered: May 2007
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

(((((Karmita))))) Honey, please be gentle with yourself in the coming days. I'm so sorry for what you've endured over the past weeks. It can't have been easy sitting on this information and pretending that everything is ok.

Lean on your sister as much as you can. Lean on us as well.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22672 | Registered: Aug 2011
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I've been consumed with adrenalin up until Sunday.

Yesterday was like my limbs and my mind have become numb.

I took this week off from work. My sister just went out to get groceries. She's been trying to get me to eat healthy.

We are going to have wine with our lunch, swear like sailors, and throw darts at a picture of my cheating soon to be ex-hubby.

Thanks everyone for your support.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
Josephine01
Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

You are so strong. . . I envy you.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

That is quite the story. Sounds like you have a great support system around you.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
DCP21
New Member
Member # 40061
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Oh Karmita, I want to be just like you when I grow up! I'm in the same place you were...he doesn't know that I know, and I'm just trying to gather as much evidence as I can before I grow a pair and decide what to do. This "doing nothing" for the last 6 months has killed me. His birthday is in October...mind if I steal your idea?


BS: 49
WS: 53
Girl/Boy - 25/20
Married 26 years

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jul 2013
kansas1968
Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Even though my husband and I are reconcilling, I LOVE THIS STORY. It is perfect. The only thing I would have added was a copy given to her husband of all of the evidence on the same day.

We all have revenge fantasies, but this has to be the topper!!
Hope you are doing well. As you said, when the adreniline wears off, a lot of pain and sadness will probably follow. Best wishes to you in your new life and bless your sister for stepping up and helping you through this.


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1182 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Ah sweetie, as masterfully as you planned and executed this, I know that your heart was breaking the entire time. You are a strong, funny, and creative lady. You are going to do Just Fine, after the heartache has passed.

And I hope that you had a wonderful time with the wine, swearing, and darts. Repeat as needed. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4123 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Karmita,
Thank you for sharing this...you've given some smiles and a little revenge to all the Bs on this site.
I am so, so very sorry for what you are going through.
I cannot even begin to imagine the stress and pain you have gone through knowing and not acting. You're a very courageous woman. You will need that courage and your dear sister to get through the rest of this ordeal.
You handled it with real style and I applaud your guts and moxy. Keep those traits and work on you.
You deserve better and you will have better. It is a long road, but you can do it. I have faith in you.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
stilllovingher
Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

EPIC!!!


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
ShatteredPagan
Member
Member # 35475
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Wow. You are an amazing person who faces life instead of runs from it. We can all use some of your strength and courage.

Take care of yourself and know you are loved by so many.


WS (him) 48
BS (me) 39
Together since 5/13/2005
Married 10/13/2012
No kids together. 3 total between us (17, 15, 13)
Affair started: 12/19/2011
Sobriety birthday: 1/11/2012
D-day: 2/17/2012
R-day: 3/1/2012
"The next time you think you a

Posts: 52 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Leicester, North Carolina
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I am having a pretty ugly day so far and have been crying since 2am, but, after going on this site and reading your birthday celebration story, I feel a little better.
I am so sorry that you are in the same friggin boat as us, but MAN OH MAN, you are a fantastic swimmer.
Thanks for the smiles and I wish you all the best. Unfortunately, the hardest is still to come.
Good Luck.

Posts: 493 | Registered: Jun 2013
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Legendary.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Please take care of yourself in the coming days, weeks, months. You seem to have a great support system around you. The ups and downs will be here for awhile. Exercise, eat, drink lots of liquids, and try to get some sleep when you can. All of this sucks but it does get better eventually. Be kind to yourself and I wish you the best.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1580 | Registered: May 2011
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Karmita, well done! Good for you. And hugs--you deserve all the support you can get. I'm so glad you have your sister. I wish you all the best.

/tj/DCP21--and others who know, but whose WS doesn't know they know--a terrific book on what to do is What To Do When Your Spouse Cheats: Take Practical Steps to Survive, by Leigh Richwood. I didn't read this until after D-Day, but found it full of great advice. I was also in the situation of knowing, but sitting on the information until I got rock-solid evidence. I benefited from the book even though I had already confronted my WH. /end tj/


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 18 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 318 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
DCP21
New Member
Member # 40061
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

SadFlower, thanks for the book referral. I'll go see if I can find it. I'm glad I'm a fast reader, because I think I'll be needing a few pointers very shortly.


BS: 49
WS: 53
Girl/Boy - 25/20
Married 26 years

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jul 2013
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)


Thanks again to everyone for your kind words and support.

It kind of feels awkward to be told I'm strong and tough. It's been a blur these past months, almost like an out of body experience.

If it wasn't for my big sister who kept me sane and focused I don't believe I'd have managed my big F-U to my husband.

I'm numb and I have so much more to do in the following weeks and months. I'm resting this week and just taking it one day a time.

I feel a bit crazy...alternating from laughing and crying.

Thanks again and a big hug to all of you who have reached out to me.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

(((Karmita)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8984 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Hoops
Member
Member # 22721
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I am sure this is a horrible time for you, and I am so sorry.

On the other side of the coin, you are Amazing!!! In 3 years, when this is well behind you, and you look back you will realize you fulfilled the dreams most of us would have loved to have been able to have fulfilled (or even thought of for that matter!!). Is it your sister who also introduced you to SI??

I hope life gets easier for you in the future.

I am sorry you are joining us, but thank you for sharing your experience!


BW (Me) 43
W(ex)H 45 .... SA, Alcoholic, compulsive liar
DD 12-03-08
Divorced: 9-14-10

Posts: 291 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Va
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

(((Karmita)))
You did that like a rock star!!!

I know you are hurting like hell right now, but know tht you are worth so much more.

Keep posting, keep reading, and keep leaning on your sis.

((((and strength))))

ps too bad there wasn't a video tape of his entering the apt to find you gone.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6614 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
whatdoto
Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

((karmita))

I am so sorry.

Definitely, lean on your sis and take care of yourself.

But, I must say, the poo on the plug made me laugh out loud and I'm at work.

Stay strong, you deserve much better.

WDT


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Take care of yourself, Karmita. Give your sister a big hug. She is awesome being there for you to lean on.


Your post made me LOL, then I cried. It must have been overwhelming keeping your cool during all that time. ...shopping with OW! What a perfect place to take her.

Your strength is amazing. You're crying now, but you won't stay there long.

hug for you (((((Karmita)))))


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Exit Wounds
Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

We should put your story on pintrest.

Posts: 2474 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...
ShockedErica11
Member
Member # 37550
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Wow.

((((((((HUGS)))))))


Him (31): Taurus517 (17 mon EA/PA); others
Me (27): 3mo EA/PA (kissed once)
One too many D-days
(Full story: see profile)

Posts: 229 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Atlanta, GA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Sending you continued strength and comfort, Karmita. Hang in there. The rollercoaster will take you for quite a ride, but you will be okay. Promise.

(((((hugs)))))


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22672 | Registered: Aug 2011
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Wow. You really are amazing. Big ((HUGS)) Karmita - I'm so glad you have your sister and that you found SI.

I know you're hurting but please understand we are all in awe because so many of us wish we could have pulled that off.

Now it's time to just take care of YOU and take the time you need to heal. ((Hugs))


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4160 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I shared your story with 3 friends not member of SI. One was a WS at one time. All three ladies almost peed their pants laughing so hard!
You do rock. He is an idiot for letting a treasure like you go.
It's painful, we all know, but you WILL heal and recover. No worries about that.
Please do keep updating us from time to time on your recovery process!
Take care over these next weeks.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB

Posts: 1787 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Dare2Trust
Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Karmita,

I'm sincerely sorry for the pain and turmoil you're going through.
Take care of yourself emotional, and physically...and follow the advice of your attorney to make sure you are protected legally.

Please stay NO CONTACT with the OW...she will only bring you heartache and misery. Stay away from her.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6084 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Karmita,

I am so sorry that you are here with the rest of us BSs. We all know your pain.
Take care of yourself, it will get better. This site helps a lot.

And now I have to say that I LOVED LOVED LOVED it!!!!!

You have no idea how you have made my day!!!!! I'm sure not only for me but for a lot of other BSs here who wish they could have done what you did!

In my first marriage of 10 years, I came home (without warning) from work sick in the middle of the night ( I worked 7 PM - 7AM) & found my first WH in our bed with OW. I packed his suitcase, & threw it down the stairs, & told him to get out. (I had been supporting him/ working to put him thru school.) That was the end of that!!!!
That felt pretty good but your story was fantastic!!!!!
Altho you will still have to heal from this, it will help you that you were so strong.

In my present ( 2nd ) marriage of 24 years (with 4 kids), within an hour of my finding out, I confronted WH.
I had always thought that if it ever happened again, I would do what I did in my first marriage. But, because of the kids , I am trying to R.
Believe me, it is so humiliating & degrading to
agree to take back someone who has done this to you, who has stuck a knife in your gut & twisted it & didn't care what it would do to you.
That is why we all love your story so much-----
it shows such self respect.

You are going to be fine.
You are our hero, we love you.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:12 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Dec 2012
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

I know it hurts like hell right now. My heart goes out to you.

Much love to your sister for being you 'Rock' right now. Your parents taught you well .

Go ahead, tend to your wounds...grieve honey. It's gonna be okay sooner than you think.

You may have been blindsighted because your love is strong and true. But we all agree you've got balls of steel and your douche husband is a fool to have fucked around and lost you.

Be well my kindred BS. You have shown us all what a good dose of self respect looks like. Thank you.

Kudos to you for your strength and spirit. And heartfelt (((hugs))) to help you along to peaceful healing.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Faithsurviver
Member
Member # 30860
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

{{Karmita}}

Way to go!!!

I was lol reading your story!
It took guts and a strong will to keep that info to yourself for so long and not let on what you were planning

When my xwh told me he didn't love me and wanted a D, informing me that he loved OW (30 yrs younger than WH) he had only known for 7 months and wanted to marry, stated that HE was going to file, and then, 2 months later, proceeded to fly to her country to visit her for a week, I made up my mind that I was through being disrespected so I filed while he was out of the country. Geez, was he pissed when I informed him that he was going to be served after he returned to the states!!!


BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!

Posts: 331 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

I am so sorry that you are in the same friggin boat as us, but MAN OH MAN, you are a fantastic swimmer.

^^THIS.

I sat with the knowledge subconsciously and it almost killed me. Once I had verification I nearly lost my damn mind. I don't know how you could stand being around him, around her. But I'm glad you were cool, calm and collected enough to get your ducks in a line.

What you're feeling now would be the crash - in the midst of it all your adrenaline is pumping and you feel like you can leap tall buildings.

It is a good thing that the adrenaline has stopped pumping. You are no longer in full survival mode. That is a good thing.

It will come back at times as you do need it to get through some of the stages but you won't need it for all of the stages.

(((Karmita))) It won't always hurt this bad, I promise.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4562 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

(((Karmita)))


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 452 | Registered: Aug 2012
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

(((Karmita))) I'm sorry you are in this position.

I must say I like your confrontation style You.Go.Girl!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
In R
"If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth." -Carl Sagan

Posts: 2251 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Grace and Flowers
Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

(((((Karmita)))))

Yes, you ARE strong. Remember that, even when you feel weak and hopeless. And no matter what, keep loving yourself.

Your story has, and will continue to, give all of us strength as well, so thank you for sharing it!

Hold on to that self respect. It will be your strongest ally in the rough days ahead. I'm glad you are here...we are with you every step of the way!

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 7:55 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1113 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

I'm overwhelmed by the kindness and support you all have given me.
Thank you

Yesterday and today I've hit a brick wall and slept a lot. Been in my pyjamas this whole time.

I promise myself I'll get back to kicking ass next week. I've got to see my lawyer and start looking for an apartment.

Thanks again to all you lovely people.
Hugs



Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

You rock.


And the plug -

Oh and I added some real shit to go with it


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 491 | Registered: Mar 2003
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, September 13th (Friday)

I love this thread so much that I came back to reread it again today.

(((Karmita))) I hope you are hanging in there. We are all living vicariously thru you.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Dec 2012
idkam
Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Omg!! I love this post.. Thank you so much for inviting us into ur world... I know you are hurting but honey that will pass and you will be so much stronger than before, although that party you through showed hou are one helluva woman...

I agree with the person who said you should be a party planner for BS's..... I almost choked on my salad reading your post.....

Loved it....

Hang in there and take care of yourself...


Make Everyday Count..
Divorced

Posts: 1724 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
Hrtbrken1
Member
Member # 33802
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, September 13th (Friday)

SUPER SLOW APPLAUSE

In the history of awesome, you are the awesomest.


Me-BW
Him-WH
Together 16 years, married 10.
DDay 07/26/2011, 8 month EA/PA with friend of our family. Months of TT.
DDay#2 Early spring 2012, confirmed EA with another woman.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Sunny South
momwith2boys
New Member
Member # 37459
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Wow that is awesome! I would have loved to seen his face when he walked in! Ow was a friend to me too. I wish I had the balls that u have!!
So has he contacted u yet? Is he trying to win u back?


Me BW 34
husband 34
Married 9 years, together 12 years
OW-my so called "friend"
2 boys (6 & 2)
D-day 10/17/2012
D-day2-2/24/2013 told me it was her
D-day3-6/16/2013 found out affair never ended
Working on R

Posts: 34 | Registered: Nov 2012
CatchyUsername
Member
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Karmita - WOW - amazing!! It was like you took every fantasy I ever had and made it REAL! I often say to WH that he is SO SO SO lucky I found out the way I did and not 3 days earlier because (i say) I would have done something very similar. I am in awe!

That said - try to be OK with wallowing in a sad place. You ran a HUGE marathon and now you need to rest and recover. Give yourself permission. You certainly earned it. You need to mourn in order for this to get processed and packaged away.

(((HUGS)))


Posts: 172 | Registered: Jun 2013
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

A-hole is how I refer to my soon to be ex-husband showed up at my sister's house this morning. He wanted to talk to me. WTF is there to talk about....I don't want to see his face or hear his voice. Shouldn't he be thrilled he and HAUREN are free to be together now that I'm gone.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
trytoforgive
Member
Member # 27330
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Hey Karmita,

Just checking on you...


Me- W 38
Him- H 40
Long time lurker...Sometimes poster...
DDay 8/14/2009

DD 15
DS 10


Posts: 452 | Registered: Jan 2010
WeepingBuddhist
Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Wishing you well on the next part of your journey!


Me: BS 46
Him: LCB--lying, cheating bastard 50
D-Day 4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 298 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Shouldn't he be thrilled he and HAUREN are free to be together now that I'm gone.

Now that his A has been outed, the thrill is gone, & it may fall apart.

Be prepared now for a lot of minimizing, gas lighting, & rug sweeping. It seems that it was a deal breaker for you anyway, so just let your lawyer communicate with his lawyer.



together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Dec 2012
heartbroken7110
Member
Member # 36818
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

A
m
A
Z
I
N
G
!!!!!!!


Me:30 Him:34
Married 8 yrs (together 16years)2 Kids
Dday 4/08 (TT until 9/11)
Slowlyyyy paving the road to R...most days.

Posts: 87 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NJ
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, September 19th (Thursday)


I went back to work this week. Also saw my lawyer and will be filing for divorce. I am done.
A letter has been sent to my husband that all contact will be conducted through my lawyer. We don't have much to split up. I took half of our savings when I left.

Going to stay with my sister until I find an apartment. All my stuff is crammed in her garage. I feel like a refugee.

I'm doing ok...I've developed a potty mouth though. I'm still so mad, but I prefer that to feeling so sad.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
3kids30years
Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Karmita!

I admire you so very, very much! If I only had the nerve! But after 30 years and 3 kids, I opted to attempt to R.

But I also developed a potty mouth - told WH to deal with it, or get the F*ck out. (see I told you!)


BS (Faithful) - 53
WH (Not so much)- 54
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling.

3 great kids :)

Married almost 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
Trying to make it thru each day. 4/14 - Still trying.


Posts: 175 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
thisissogross
Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Back when I joined there was much discussion about how this junk can turn anybody into a batshit crazy pottymouth. I believe that was in at least one member's tag line as a matter of fact. It can be all one word 'batshit-crazy-pottymouth' I always thought that did sum it up nicely.

Anyway, I am sorry for all you're dealing with. Your sister sounds awesome and so do you. I engineered a dday blowup also (nowhere near as rad as yours) and I know what you mean about not feeling anything but devastation. Everybody's told you right though. It took a while, but boy did I eventually get my laugh and feeling of overwhelming badassness. You've handled a very difficult situation with aplomb approaching glamour, glamour I tell you, and soon enough you will feel that and be so proud of yourself.

Really sorry you're feeling displaced. Here's hoping you find somewhere wonderful to settle into soon. And in the meantime, at least you've found a place where your pottymouth is well understood and accepted.

[This message edited by thisissogross at 7:18 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 226 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

dear (((Karmita)))
we are all so proud of you.
you are an inspiration to us all.
Hang in there sweetheart. You will be ok. & you will always be able to hold your head up high.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Dec 2012
dead_inside
Member
Member # 3438
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

My god but that is epic.


Me: FORMER BW
Him: WXH


Posts: 748 | Registered: Feb 2004
refuz2bavictim
Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I'm still so mad, but I prefer that to feeling so sad.

Yes. The anger feels much more empowering than the sadness.

The high of having some control for once, may have worn off, and you may fee like a refugee, but the self control with which you pulled off the "surprise", will serve you well.

Hang in there.

I wish I had half the creativity and self control you did. I don't think Karma could have done the job nearly as well.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2360 | Registered: Jan 2010
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:16 AM, September 20th (Friday)


"This is how we move it"!


DO NOT TALK TO WH NOR OW -- It eats them alive! Trust me on this! OW was my friend and I have NEVER said a word to her once I had him served. It is the ONE thing I have power over --


The funniest thing is that you woke him up from "the fog" in an epic way, and you are gone just when he comes back to reality.

Honestly, thank God that you are gone before you had children together. On this site is a forum -- I can relate - and one of the threads is for betrayed husbands. When I read of their honesty, I realize there are really decent men out there and I am so proud of myself for suprising WH with divorce papers.

Epic!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1714 | Registered: Jan 2012
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Love love love love it.

I could never have pulled it off, because I wouldn't have been able to pretend all was fine once I knew.....you have awesome self control. This is so good, best story ever. You win! BAHAHAHAHAHA


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 406 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
SurelyNOT
Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, September 27th (Friday)

This is such a WONDERFUL post. I really hope you are taking care of yourself, don't forget to look after #1. Your revenge was just priceless, oh to have been a fly on the wall witnessing his and her responses
I hope everything goes well on your journey, it's a bit of an uphill battle, BUT you are so capable, and so very worth it, onwards and upwards.
Thanks for making me smile, you are a pure tonic - don't ever lose your sense of humour

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Wow! You are my hero! Really I wish I had the guts to do something like this.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Wow! You are my hero! Really I wish I had the guts to do something like this.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Hope you are doing OK, Karmita. This must be a very hard time for you right now. It sounds like you stood up for your boundaries, and that takes a lot of courage. It's OK to struggle. Everything in your life has changed, and he did a terrible thing to you and your M. It will take a long time to heal from that. We're here for you.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.

Posts: 3762 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
3kids30years
Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Karmita -

Hows it going? I think of you often, and how amazing you are and what an asshole he is!

You doing ok?

(((Karmita)))

3k30Y


BS (Faithful) - 53
WH (Not so much)- 54
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling.

3 great kids :)

Married almost 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
Trying to make it thru each day. 4/14 - Still trying.


Posts: 175 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Karmita Just want you to know that we are all rooting for you. Use the anger to help you be strong through this. You will survive this, and you will be a happier stronger woman for it.

I hope you find a wonderful new apartment. This will help you to start feeling independent again.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6614 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Needadrink
Member
Member # 40512
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Purple Rose that made me laugh so much thank you I had forgotten what it was like. I have no intention of making the situation funny though as we all understand it's not, I hope you are ok Karmita you deserve an oscar.


BS 57
WH 58
M 28 yrs together 32
D Day 10th April 2013
20 Yrs of Infidelity with long term affair 18 yrs but only seen a couple of times a year. 3 Prostitutes, sexual Massages.Ongoing Porn. lapdances.

Posts: 67 | Registered: Aug 2013
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, September 30th (Monday)


Thanks again everyone for your support.

I've been reading here and my heart goes out to all of you. You're all going through so much pain and yet so many of you reached out to me with kindness and encouragement.
Even though it seems there are so many awful people in the world they are outnumbered by generous and kind people such as yourselves.

I'm doing ok...I guess. My sister is amazing...she was a member here years ago and she sent me here. I love her so much.

I filed for divorce. My soon to be ex-husband, who I now refer to as "Butt Plug" is acting like the victim, crying for himself. I hope he drowns in his crocodile tears.

He is such an *#%€¥^% ass*%#~!!

I found an apartment, will be moving in on the first of November. It's scary and exciting. I've haven't lived alone for so long.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, September 30th (Monday)

Best of luck with the apt & everything Karmita.
Your strength is an inspiration to us all.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1097 | Registered: Dec 2012
Alex CR
Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, September 30th (Monday)

(((Karmita))) What you did took great courage.

I don't know what or where your roller coaster will take you now, but wanted to send hugs. Being so busy with your 'surprise', moving and dealing with all the new changes in your life has kept you focused on the new life you choose to build.

Whether we R or not, there seem to be stages of healing from betrayal that occur over the months after Dday. Shock, anger, overwhelming sadness.....everybody is different but some stages seem to be common for many of us. Please know you are among friends here who are always ready to listen.

Keep posting, take good care of yourself and good luck in your new home.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1592 | Registered: Mar 2010
exhausted lady
Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, September 30th (Monday)

(((Karmita)))

What you did is epic! You must have the most badass pair of bitchboots on the planet!!! (and you wear them well honey)

You're doing great. The first few weeks & months after a relationship explodes are hard. Very hard. You're gonna go up, down, and all around. Please be VERY patient with yourself, because you deserve it.

You've started taking the steps you need to take (time off to grieve, time with your sis, a new apartment) and those steps will serve you well.

Try your best to stay NC with that loser you just left in your dust. There really is nothing he can say to make things any better, right? So, why go there.

You aren't a refugee.....you're a warrior princess, and you just proved it.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)


So, I moved into my new place yesterday.

It was hard leaving my sister's place, where I been staying since I left my husband. She offered to spend the night with me....but like they say you have to rip the bandaid off.... I told her I'd be alright.

I went to bed only after I couldn't keep my eyes open. In the middle of the night I woke up and for a second I didn't know where I was. It's hard to believe that less than 6 months ago I thought I was happily married and we were planning to start a family and now I'm living in a new apartment and will be divorced in the very near future.

Today, I've got some friends over helping me paint the place. I'm going with bright colors. Yellow for the kitchen and living room and coral for the bedroom.

I bought a print that says "home is where the heart is" , and I'm putting all my heart into creating a new home for myself.



Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

Thanks for the update. I've been wondering how you're doing. It gets better.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7033 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

WTG Karmita, you've got this!!

Thanks for the update, and for being such an inspiration to many of us here.

((((Karmita))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2508 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Laura28
Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

Hi Karmita

I have been following your story and truly admire your courage.

A few years ago I wrote a post about my fantasy future if I decided to D my husband.

I planned where I would live and what I would do. I used to daydream about the wonderful new life I would have. It was one of the many strategies which kept me sane.

I hope you have dreams. I hope you continue to make plans - the decorating and painting are a wonderful start. Keep looking forward. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you but really hope you keep working on your "dream" and I hope you find peace in your new little house.

HUGS

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
LetMeRollIt
Member
Member # 41189
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

MAGNIFICENT!!!!!!


D day- June 30, 2013
Me - BS
Married 15 years
5 year old child
Attempting R as of Oct. 1 2013

"Cry, and let your soul be cleansed of a love that turned to carnage." - Christy Brown


Posts: 98 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)


Thanks for the kind words.

Sending you all a big hug.

The place looks great. My friends are great. We ordered pizza and had a couple of beers and made fun of my loser husband.

Going to hit the sack....so tired.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
1956
Member
Member # 33045
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, November 3rd (Sunday)

I read your story and I am so proud of you girl, you are so strong and you did what was right.
You deserve all the good things in life and you will get there…….glad your happy with your new place……..now next step is getting out and enjoying life…..
say "yes" to everything and see where it leads you………….

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2011
Secrets Kept
Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

Good for you!!!


Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
2 sons together-28 & 23
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
WW with H#2 =BH-44
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 157 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, December 12th (Thursday)


Seasons greetings to you all.

Just want to say that I know the holidays are tough for everyone here. I'm settled in my new place and put up a Christmas tree this past weekend. I chose a spindly tree that I only paid ten dollars for. This tree is a lot like me, a bit broken and kind of sad. I decorated it and covered it in lights and I have to say I think it's the most beautiful Christmas tree ever.

Hugs to everyone and I just want to say you're all beautiful and don't forget that.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, March 10th (Monday)


It's been awhile.

I'm officially divorced.

I'm doing great. I got a promotion at work. I'm dating a cute guy.

My ex and Hauren broke up.
Too bad, because they deserved each other


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, March 10th (Monday)

I am glad you are doing well!!

Did the ex come by crying when his fantasy blew up?


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3248 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, March 10th (Monday)


Yeah...he cried.... The snot kind of crying.

I would have offered him a tissue but instead handed him a roll of toilet paper because he's full of shit.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Good girl!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3248 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, March 10th (Monday)


Thanks Karmahappens.

I am a good girl....but I'm also embracing the don't take crap side of me.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
JellyGirl84
Member
Member # 41717
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Ohhhhh this is just so epic. I have the same fighter personality as you and I wish I wouldn't have been blindsided by the A because if I had any inkling about it, I'd have gathered evidence and similarly rocked, hard core!

What was said between you and ex-Butt Plug?

[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 9:51 PM, March 10th (Monday)]


Me: BS 30
WH: 30
No kids
Together 10 yrs, Married for 3 of those yrs
OP: Ho worker
No real remorse once I kicked him out.

Posts: 94 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nj
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Mr. butt plug didn't like that I divorced his sorry ass.

He should be happy I didn't fight for his lazy boy chair in the divorce.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
kayaker55
New Member
Member # 41617
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Just found this post Karmita.
I am in a messy sit with my SAWH but read thru all the pages of your post and just wanna say YOU GO GIRL. You are inspiring....and amusing.
Thanks and hugs.


Me: BS 55
He: SAFWH 56
Married 33 years
PA1: 1.5 yrs NC mid 2012
PA2: 2 mths NC end 2012
Porn,prostitutes,strippers all thru marriage
I was clueless.
R on hold til I sort out this mess

Posts: 34 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Vancouver, BC
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Congratulations! So much to celebrate.


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22672 | Registered: Aug 2011
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Sending a big hug and raising my glass to all you sweet people.

I feel good and I just want to say that as much as we are brought down to never give up on loving ourselves,

I'm scared...but that won't stop me from facing my fears.

I chose to be happy...and I will be because I want it so bad.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
hear-me-roar
Member
Member # 17962
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, March 10th (Monday)


Karmita - I have enjoyed your divorce so much! Your story is a good laugh to say good-night on. I like the way you go through life with a humorous rumble. I'm sure with a dash of down sometimes. Peace to you.

There once was a girl called Karmita
Of the likes, there was no one as sweeta.
Bought a Butt-Plug for him
Said, the marriage will end
Adios - and I hope not to see ya


Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2008
DejaVuu
Member
Member # 34720
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

Karmanita,

Your courage, your humor, your strength ~ all give those of us out here still struggling... hope.

I hope your days ahead will be the best of your life.

I raise my glass to you!


Me: BS - 53 | Him: WS - 54
Three amazing daughters
D-Day: Too many to post :/

It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.
~Doe Zantamata


Posts: 70 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: CA
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 1:02 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

Sounds like you are doing well Karmita. You have shown incredible strength through it all.

Congrats on the divorce, hope the BF is dreamy and treats you like the special person you are.

I would have offered him a tissue but instead handed him a roll of toilet paper because he's full of shit.

^^ that made me laugh out loud . One of the best lines ever!


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 716 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

I am so happy that you are charing forward and leaving the nightmare behind.

Wishing you years of the happiness you so deserve,


ME: 53 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 1982 | Registered: Nov 2011
Lola88
Member
Member # 41540
Default  Posted: 2:52 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

Congratulations on your divorce from Butt plug, and love and good wishes for a happy and successful future!

I loved this thread - only found it after a recommendation - and I've read it right through.

Great reaction x


Posts: 121 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: UK
LivinginLimbo
Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

You are amazing!! Now that the Butt Plug has been permanently removed, I wish you all the best.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 944 | Registered: Mar 2012
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

My ex and Hauren broke up...

The HELL you say!

You mean, their oh so special looooooove wasn't forged by the heavens and the universe to last for eternity?????


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him.

Posts: 970 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Karmita
New Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)


It's tragic that their one of a kind...most greatest love of all time is now dust.

I read their e-mails and texts and their chemistry and love was expressed with such poetic words.

Words like....

I want to suck your dick...

I love it when you suck my dick....

Shakespeare had nothing on them


Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22672 | Registered: Aug 2011
brokengirl37
New Member
Member # 42530
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

YOU ROCK!!!

Wishing you the best FOREVER!!


Posts: 31 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Canada
PippaPeach6
Member
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, March 14th (Friday)

(((Karmita)))

Your strength and heart are truly amazing.

And you totally rock those bitch boots!

Wishing you all the best!!


Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Reconciled

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall


Posts: 384 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Great to hear from you.

Congrats on your new life.

I hope you have found your happy without a man. It's great you are dating, but having your happy without one makes you a whole lot less likely to EVER put up with an ounce of that crap again.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6614 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, March 14th (Friday)

So happy you landed on your feet!

Strength and Beauty, that is what you are.

And this:

Mr. butt plug didn't like that I divorced his sorry ass.

He should be happy I didn't fight for his lazy boy chair in the divorce.

I see that your humor is still intact! You Go Miss!!!

Enjoy your cute new guy!


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Uhtred
Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, March 14th (Friday)

First time seeing this thread and all I can say is wow! What a damn fine job you did to pull all that together!


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 416 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
4everfaithful83
Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Also my first time seeing this post and all I have to say is WOW!

You are a remarkably strong woman! Such awesomeness! Love it!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 364 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
DTERMINED2SURVIV
Member
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, March 14th (Friday)

LOL...the shakespear comment!!
Thats something I would have said.


***There is an exception to every rule...And I.. I Would like to prove that exception***

Me...Bs
Him...Wh
mulitiple ddays the worst and last being dec 2012.

Ow/OC....Oc born Dec 2012
NC with Ow/Oc for one year
C with OW/OC from Dec 2013 ti


Posts: 170 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
MammaMia
Member
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Karmita:

Good luck to you; you deserve it.

So your ex and his dream girl broke up? Where is the love? That's why they say that secrecy is what makes affairs so exciting. once it's out in the open, they both show their real face and it is not a pretty picture.


And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 813 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
Topic Posts: 125