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User Topic: Update on he doesn't know that I know
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, September 9th (Monday)

In my previous thread I was asking for suggestions as to giving my husband his birthday party surprise. I made sure to invite the OW who's been pretending to be my friend.

Husband's surprise birthday party was something he'll never forget

The OW is his work colleague and someone who befriended me. Last week I asked her to go shopping with me to help with picking out his gift from me.

To the OW's surprise I took her to a porn shop. I bought a super sized butt plug explaining that my husband loved me giving him anal. I bought body oil explaining he loved to give me massages. I even made sure to walk awkwardly saying I was sore from the previous evening of being ridden like a mare by my stallion.

I enjoyed reading their exchanges after my shopping trip with OW, whom I like to refer to as Hauren.

The birthday surprise party was this past Saturday. My sister's boyfriend, who was in on my surprise took hubby golfing and drinking the entire day as I was at home getting my stuff into a moving van.

I was packed and gone by the time hubby returned home to balloons on and a surprise banner on our door.

Inside the nearly empty apartment I had scattered sheets and sheets of evidence I had printed off.

I had a card for him that sad f**k you and my lawyer will be in touch.

I'm staying with my sister. I've been crying most of the time, not for him but for me.

I loved that jackass, but I'm going to love me more.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, September 9th (Monday)

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!

STANDING OVATION!

You rock. Best EFF YOU departure I've seen in a long time.

Hope you are ok and taking care of yourself. Hugs..


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Offhispedestal
Member
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, September 9th (Monday)

You sound like this was definitely a deal breaker for you. I dont know how you managed to keep this to yourself for months. What happened after he showed up?? (((Hugs to you)))


ME-44
WH-45
Married 24


2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R


Posts: 639 | Registered: Jun 2011
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, September 9th (Monday)

wow, handled like a pro
*claps*


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Karmita,

I bow to the master.

And I am green with envy.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 817 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Must Survive
Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Karmita,

I bow to the master.

And I am green with envy.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 817 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, September 9th (Monday)

p.s has he tried to contact you?


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Titanium
Member
Member # 38866
Happy  Posted: 11:21 PM, September 9th (Monday)

BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!

Love a gutsy courageous woman.....you made my YEAR!!!!!

"I am woman hear me roar"

Take really good care of yourself.......you deserve it.

(((((Hugs )))))


BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorced....... :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 93 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Wow!!! The best post I have read in awhile. You go girl!!! I guess he knows now. I wished I had remained as strong as you, but I was blindsided by a call from OW, otherwise I would like to think I could have handled it the same way. Let us know his reaction. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Thanks everyone but I don't feel like a rock star.

These past few months have taken it's toll on me. I don't know how cheaters do it with living a double life. Pretending to be normal while I was nauseous as I collected evidence has been excruciating.

If it had not been for my sister who'd been through two d-days until she finally kicked her husband to curb
and was my teacher and my rock and allowed me handle being betrayed and my moment of fuck you to hubby.

As to hubby, he's been burning my cell phone with texts and voice mail.
I haven't spoken to him since Saturday morning.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
allusions
Member
Member # 25376
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, September 9th (Monday)

Wait a minute! What happened to the butt plug? Did you attach the F you note to it?

Posts: 309 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, September 9th (Monday)

hopefully she shoved it up the OW's ass.

Oh, whoops. Did I just type that out loud?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, September 9th (Monday)


Oh yeah...about the butt plug and massage oil I had it wrapped in box for Hauren. Oh and I added some real shit to go with it.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, September 9th (Monday)

(((Karmita)))

As an after thought to my post. I can only imagine the pain that you have been going through with knowing this and keeping it inside for so long. I am so sorry.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, September 9th (Monday)

This one might become a classic...


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
TxsT
Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Oh my this is magical.....I could actually see it while you were describing it!!!!! Glad you got to have the last laugh. Too many of us take so long to truly laugh again with gusto!

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
millienotboo
Member
Member # 22415
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Love it!


M-8 yrs together 11
Me-45 BW
Him-49-WH
D-Day 10-10-2008
In R

Posts: 761 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: South
momentintime
Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Karmita I hope you are keeping it together. I am sure you are in tremendous pain. I don't know if this was a dealbreaker for you, but understand the turmoil will continue for quite some time. Regardless if you file or if you do try to R.

I am sure you shocked the hell out of him. He deserved it. Take care of you. No matter what you decide to do in the future, we are all here to support you either way.

Get a good night's sleep if you can. Let your heart slow down from the rapid race it has been doing. Breathe and give yourself time to think about what you want your future to look like. You did good, but I am sure it hasn't been easy now that you have blown the A wide open.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 3007 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
trebleclef
Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

WOW! You are one amazingly together chickie! I totally understand the special hell of "knowing" while still having to pretend you don't - BTDT. I can't imagine how you managed to keep your cool - out with the OW! I would have been a shaking mess. BIG HUGS - this is the hard part.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I admire your ability to "play along" as you collected evidence ~ Good God that must require huge self control.

As for that birthday surprise...THE BEST!

You should become a Party Planner for BS.

That aside, I know you are hurting and I am sorry for your pain. You are obviously a strong woman with a wonderful support system. You will get through this. {{{Karmita}}}


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Nov 2011
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Your my hero!!! I'm sorry because I know your sad but damn if I had just one of your king sized balls I would be ecstatic...I hope I can make my departure as awesome as yours.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5242 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Wow you are so courageous! Remember that moment when you felt so brave because times are gonna get tough. That was the real you shining through. Please look after yourself this roller coaster is a horrible ride.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

((((Karmita))))

You are amazing.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7936 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

((((Karmita))))
You are amazing.

This.

You're going to be okay - lean on us; we're going to be here for you every step of the way.

Big hugs,

Lala


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5154 | Registered: May 2007
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

(((((Karmita))))) Honey, please be gentle with yourself in the coming days. I'm so sorry for what you've endured over the past weeks. It can't have been easy sitting on this information and pretending that everything is ok.

Lean on your sister as much as you can. Lean on us as well.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26218 | Registered: Aug 2011
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I've been consumed with adrenalin up until Sunday.

Yesterday was like my limbs and my mind have become numb.

I took this week off from work. My sister just went out to get groceries. She's been trying to get me to eat healthy.

We are going to have wine with our lunch, swear like sailors, and throw darts at a picture of my cheating soon to be ex-hubby.

Thanks everyone for your support.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Josephine01
Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

You are so strong. . . I envy you.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

That is quite the story. Sounds like you have a great support system around you.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4092 | Registered: Dec 2011
DCP21
New Member
Member # 40061
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Oh Karmita, I want to be just like you when I grow up! I'm in the same place you were...he doesn't know that I know, and I'm just trying to gather as much evidence as I can before I grow a pair and decide what to do. This "doing nothing" for the last 6 months has killed me. His birthday is in October...mind if I steal your idea?


BS: 49
WS: 53
Girl/Boy - 25/20
Married 26 years

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jul 2013
kansas1968
Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Even though my husband and I are reconcilling, I LOVE THIS STORY. It is perfect. The only thing I would have added was a copy given to her husband of all of the evidence on the same day.

We all have revenge fantasies, but this has to be the topper!!
Hope you are doing well. As you said, when the adreniline wears off, a lot of pain and sadness will probably follow. Best wishes to you in your new life and bless your sister for stepping up and helping you through this.


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1320 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Ah sweetie, as masterfully as you planned and executed this, I know that your heart was breaking the entire time. You are a strong, funny, and creative lady. You are going to do Just Fine, after the heartache has passed.

And I hope that you had a wonderful time with the wine, swearing, and darts. Repeat as needed. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5105 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Karmita,
Thank you for sharing this...you've given some smiles and a little revenge to all the Bs on this site.
I am so, so very sorry for what you are going through.
I cannot even begin to imagine the stress and pain you have gone through knowing and not acting. You're a very courageous woman. You will need that courage and your dear sister to get through the rest of this ordeal.
You handled it with real style and I applaud your guts and moxy. Keep those traits and work on you.
You deserve better and you will have better. It is a long road, but you can do it. I have faith in you.


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
stilllovingher
Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

EPIC!!!


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2409 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
ShatteredPagan
Member
Member # 35475
Default  Posted: 5:16 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Wow. You are an amazing person who faces life instead of runs from it. We can all use some of your strength and courage.

Take care of yourself and know you are loved by so many.


WS (him) 48
BS (me) 39
Together since 5/13/2005
Married 10/13/2012
No kids together. 3 total between us (17, 15, 13)
Affair started: 12/19/2011
Sobriety birthday: 1/11/2012
D-day: 2/17/2012
R-day: 3/1/2012
"The next time you think you a

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Leicester, North Carolina
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I am having a pretty ugly day so far and have been crying since 2am, but, after going on this site and reading your birthday celebration story, I feel a little better.
I am so sorry that you are in the same friggin boat as us, but MAN OH MAN, you are a fantastic swimmer.
Thanks for the smiles and I wish you all the best. Unfortunately, the hardest is still to come.
Good Luck.


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Legendary.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7583 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Please take care of yourself in the coming days, weeks, months. You seem to have a great support system around you. The ups and downs will be here for awhile. Exercise, eat, drink lots of liquids, and try to get some sleep when you can. All of this sucks but it does get better eventually. Be kind to yourself and I wish you the best.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1924 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Karmita, well done! Good for you. And hugs--you deserve all the support you can get. I'm so glad you have your sister. I wish you all the best.

/tj/DCP21--and others who know, but whose WS doesn't know they know--a terrific book on what to do is What To Do When Your Spouse Cheats: Take Practical Steps to Survive, by Leigh Richwood. I didn't read this until after D-Day, but found it full of great advice. I was also in the situation of knowing, but sitting on the information until I got rock-solid evidence. I benefited from the book even though I had already confronted my WH. /end tj/


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
DCP21
New Member
Member # 40061
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

SadFlower, thanks for the book referral. I'll go see if I can find it. I'm glad I'm a fast reader, because I think I'll be needing a few pointers very shortly.


BS: 49
WS: 53
Girl/Boy - 25/20
Married 26 years

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jul 2013
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)


Thanks again to everyone for your kind words and support.

It kind of feels awkward to be told I'm strong and tough. It's been a blur these past months, almost like an out of body experience.

If it wasn't for my big sister who kept me sane and focused I don't believe I'd have managed my big F-U to my husband.

I'm numb and I have so much more to do in the following weeks and months. I'm resting this week and just taking it one day a time.

I feel a bit crazy...alternating from laughing and crying.

Thanks again and a big hug to all of you who have reached out to me.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, September 11th (Wednesday)

(((Karmita)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Hoops
Member
Member # 22721
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I am sure this is a horrible time for you, and I am so sorry.

On the other side of the coin, you are Amazing!!! In 3 years, when this is well behind you, and you look back you will realize you fulfilled the dreams most of us would have loved to have been able to have fulfilled (or even thought of for that matter!!). Is it your sister who also introduced you to SI??

I hope life gets easier for you in the future.

I am sorry you are joining us, but thank you for sharing your experience!


BW (Me) 44
W(ex)H 46 .... SA, Alcoholic, compulsive liar
DD 12-03-08
Divorced: 9-14-10
Now: Happily married to a great guy who has the same birthday as my DD! Ironic. Now it is just my husband's birthday.

Posts: 295 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Va
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

(((Karmita)))
You did that like a rock star!!!

I know you are hurting like hell right now, but know tht you are worth so much more.

Keep posting, keep reading, and keep leaning on your sis.

((((and strength))))

ps too bad there wasn't a video tape of his entering the apt to find you gone.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
whatdoto
Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

((karmita))

I am so sorry.

Definitely, lean on your sis and take care of yourself.

But, I must say, the poo on the plug made me laugh out loud and I'm at work.

Stay strong, you deserve much better.

WDT


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Take care of yourself, Karmita. Give your sister a big hug. She is awesome being there for you to lean on.


Your post made me LOL, then I cried. It must have been overwhelming keeping your cool during all that time. ...shopping with OW! What a perfect place to take her.

Your strength is amazing. You're crying now, but you won't stay there long.

hug for you (((((Karmita)))))


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Exit Wounds
Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

We should put your story on pintrest.

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
ShockedErica11
Member
Member # 37550
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Wow.

((((((((HUGS)))))))


Him (31): Taurus517 (17 mon EA/PA); others
Me (27): 3mo EA/PA (kissed once)
One too many D-days
(Full story: see profile)

Posts: 230 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Atlanta, GA
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Sending you continued strength and comfort, Karmita. Hang in there. The rollercoaster will take you for quite a ride, but you will be okay. Promise.

(((((hugs)))))


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26218 | Registered: Aug 2011
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Wow. You really are amazing. Big ((HUGS)) Karmita - I'm so glad you have your sister and that you found SI.

I know you're hurting but please understand we are all in awe because so many of us wish we could have pulled that off.

Now it's time to just take care of YOU and take the time you need to heal. ((Hugs))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4674 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I shared your story with 3 friends not member of SI. One was a WS at one time. All three ladies almost peed their pants laughing so hard!
You do rock. He is an idiot for letting a treasure like you go.
It's painful, we all know, but you WILL heal and recover. No worries about that.
Please do keep updating us from time to time on your recovery process!
Take care over these next weeks.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2512 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Dare2Trust
Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Karmita,

I'm sincerely sorry for the pain and turmoil you're going through.
Take care of yourself emotional, and physically...and follow the advice of your attorney to make sure you are protected legally.

Please stay NO CONTACT with the OW...she will only bring you heartache and misery. Stay away from her.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6188 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Karmita,

I am so sorry that you are here with the rest of us BSs. We all know your pain.
Take care of yourself, it will get better. This site helps a lot.

And now I have to say that I LOVED LOVED LOVED it!!!!!

You have no idea how you have made my day!!!!! I'm sure not only for me but for a lot of other BSs here who wish they could have done what you did!

In my first marriage of 10 years, I came home (without warning) from work sick in the middle of the night ( I worked 7 PM - 7AM) & found my first WH in our bed with OW. I packed his suitcase, & threw it down the stairs, & told him to get out. (I had been supporting him/ working to put him thru school.) That was the end of that!!!!
That felt pretty good but your story was fantastic!!!!!
Altho you will still have to heal from this, it will help you that you were so strong.

In my present ( 2nd ) marriage of 24 years (with 4 kids), within an hour of my finding out, I confronted WH.
I had always thought that if it ever happened again, I would do what I did in my first marriage. But, because of the kids , I am trying to R.
Believe me, it is so humiliating & degrading to
agree to take back someone who has done this to you, who has stuck a knife in your gut & twisted it & didn't care what it would do to you.
That is why we all love your story so much-----
it shows such self respect.

You are going to be fine.
You are our hero, we love you.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:12 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1459 | Registered: Dec 2012
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

I know it hurts like hell right now. My heart goes out to you.

Much love to your sister for being you 'Rock' right now. Your parents taught you well .

Go ahead, tend to your wounds...grieve honey. It's gonna be okay sooner than you think.

You may have been blindsighted because your love is strong and true. But we all agree you've got balls of steel and your douche husband is a fool to have fucked around and lost you.

Be well my kindred BS. You have shown us all what a good dose of self respect looks like. Thank you.

Kudos to you for your strength and spirit. And heartfelt (((hugs))) to help you along to peaceful healing.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1145 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Faithsurviver
Member
Member # 30860
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

{{Karmita}}

Way to go!!!

I was lol reading your story!
It took guts and a strong will to keep that info to yourself for so long and not let on what you were planning

When my xwh told me he didn't love me and wanted a D, informing me that he loved OW (30 yrs younger than WH) he had only known for 7 months and wanted to marry, stated that HE was going to file, and then, 2 months later, proceeded to fly to her country to visit her for a week, I made up my mind that I was through being disrespected so I filed while he was out of the country. Geez, was he pissed when I informed him that he was going to be served after he returned to the states!!!


BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

I am so sorry that you are in the same friggin boat as us, but MAN OH MAN, you are a fantastic swimmer.

^^THIS.

I sat with the knowledge subconsciously and it almost killed me. Once I had verification I nearly lost my damn mind. I don't know how you could stand being around him, around her. But I'm glad you were cool, calm and collected enough to get your ducks in a line.

What you're feeling now would be the crash - in the midst of it all your adrenaline is pumping and you feel like you can leap tall buildings.

It is a good thing that the adrenaline has stopped pumping. You are no longer in full survival mode. That is a good thing.

It will come back at times as you do need it to get through some of the stages but you won't need it for all of the stages.

(((Karmita))) It won't always hurt this bad, I promise.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
fallingquickly
Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

(((Karmita)))


Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.


Posts: 455 | Registered: Aug 2012
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

(((Karmita))) I'm sorry you are in this position.

I must say I like your confrontation style You.Go.Girl!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Grace and Flowers
Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

(((((Karmita)))))

Yes, you ARE strong. Remember that, even when you feel weak and hopeless. And no matter what, keep loving yourself.

Your story has, and will continue to, give all of us strength as well, so thank you for sharing it!

Hold on to that self respect. It will be your strongest ally in the rough days ahead. I'm glad you are here...we are with you every step of the way!

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 7:55 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1199 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

I'm overwhelmed by the kindness and support you all have given me.
Thank you

Yesterday and today I've hit a brick wall and slept a lot. Been in my pyjamas this whole time.

I promise myself I'll get back to kicking ass next week. I've got to see my lawyer and start looking for an apartment.

Thanks again to all you lovely people.
Hugs



Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

You rock.


And the plug -

Oh and I added some real shit to go with it


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 635 | Registered: Mar 2003
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, September 13th (Friday)

I love this thread so much that I came back to reread it again today.

(((Karmita))) I hope you are hanging in there. We are all living vicariously thru you.


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1459 | Registered: Dec 2012
idkam
Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Omg!! I love this post.. Thank you so much for inviting us into ur world... I know you are hurting but honey that will pass and you will be so much stronger than before, although that party you through showed hou are one helluva woman...

I agree with the person who said you should be a party planner for BS's..... I almost choked on my salad reading your post.....

Loved it....

Hang in there and take care of yourself...


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1810 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
Hrtbrken1
Member
Member # 33802
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, September 13th (Friday)

SUPER SLOW APPLAUSE

In the history of awesome, you are the awesomest.


Me-BW
Him-WH
Together 16 years, married 10.
DDay 07/26/2011, 8 month EA/PA with friend of our family. Months of TT.
DDay#2 Early spring 2012, confirmed EA with another woman.

Posts: 144 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Sunny South
momwith2boys
New Member
Member # 37459
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Wow that is awesome! I would have loved to seen his face when he walked in! Ow was a friend to me too. I wish I had the balls that u have!!
So has he contacted u yet? Is he trying to win u back?


Me BW 35
husband 35
Married 10 years, together 13 years
OW-my so called "friend"
2 boys (7 & 3)
D-day 10/17/2012
D-day2-2/24/2013 told me it was her
D-day3-6/16/2013 found out affair never ended
Working on R

Posts: 35 | Registered: Nov 2012
CatchyUsername
Member
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Karmita - WOW - amazing!! It was like you took every fantasy I ever had and made it REAL! I often say to WH that he is SO SO SO lucky I found out the way I did and not 3 days earlier because (i say) I would have done something very similar. I am in awe!

That said - try to be OK with wallowing in a sad place. You ran a HUGE marathon and now you need to rest and recover. Give yourself permission. You certainly earned it. You need to mourn in order for this to get processed and packaged away.

(((HUGS)))


Posts: 191 | Registered: Jun 2013
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

A-hole is how I refer to my soon to be ex-husband showed up at my sister's house this morning. He wanted to talk to me. WTF is there to talk about....I don't want to see his face or hear his voice. Shouldn't he be thrilled he and HAUREN are free to be together now that I'm gone.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
trytoforgive
Member
Member # 27330
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Hey Karmita,

Just checking on you...


Me- W 38
Him- H 40
Long time lurker...Sometimes poster...
DDay 8/14/2009

DD 15
DS 10


Posts: 452 | Registered: Jan 2010
WeepingBuddhist
Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Wishing you well on the next part of your journey!


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 664 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Shouldn't he be thrilled he and HAUREN are free to be together now that I'm gone.

Now that his A has been outed, the thrill is gone, & it may fall apart.

Be prepared now for a lot of minimizing, gas lighting, & rug sweeping. It seems that it was a deal breaker for you anyway, so just let your lawyer communicate with his lawyer.



Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1459 | Registered: Dec 2012
heartbroken7110
Member
Member # 36818
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

A
m
A
Z
I
N
G
!!!!!!!


Me:30 Him:34
Married 8 yrs (together 16years)2 Kids
Dday 4/08 (TT until 9/11)
Slowlyyyy paving the road to R...most days.

Posts: 87 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NJ
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, September 19th (Thursday)


I went back to work this week. Also saw my lawyer and will be filing for divorce. I am done.
A letter has been sent to my husband that all contact will be conducted through my lawyer. We don't have much to split up. I took half of our savings when I left.

Going to stay with my sister until I find an apartment. All my stuff is crammed in her garage. I feel like a refugee.

I'm doing ok...I've developed a potty mouth though. I'm still so mad, but I prefer that to feeling so sad.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
3kids30years
Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Karmita!

I admire you so very, very much! If I only had the nerve! But after 30 years and 3 kids, I opted to attempt to R.

But I also developed a potty mouth - told WH to deal with it, or get the F*ck out. (see I told you!)


BS - mid 50's
WH - mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
TT until 9/02/13
NC broken 4/15/14
2year+ "passionate" EA/PA

Married 30+ years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day
9/14 - getting better. we


Posts: 218 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
thisissogross
Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Back when I joined there was much discussion about how this junk can turn anybody into a batshit crazy pottymouth. I believe that was in at least one member's tag line as a matter of fact. It can be all one word 'batshit-crazy-pottymouth' I always thought that did sum it up nicely.

Anyway, I am sorry for all you're dealing with. Your sister sounds awesome and so do you. I engineered a dday blowup also (nowhere near as rad as yours) and I know what you mean about not feeling anything but devastation. Everybody's told you right though. It took a while, but boy did I eventually get my laugh and feeling of overwhelming badassness. You've handled a very difficult situation with aplomb approaching glamour, glamour I tell you, and soon enough you will feel that and be so proud of yourself.

Really sorry you're feeling displaced. Here's hoping you find somewhere wonderful to settle into soon. And in the meantime, at least you've found a place where your pottymouth is well understood and accepted.

[This message edited by thisissogross at 7:18 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

dear (((Karmita)))
we are all so proud of you.
you are an inspiration to us all.
Hang in there sweetheart. You will be ok. & you will always be able to hold your head up high.


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1459 | Registered: Dec 2012
dead_inside
Member
Member # 3438
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

My god but that is epic.


Me: FORMER BW
Him: WXH


Posts: 756 | Registered: Feb 2004
refuz2bavictim
Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I'm still so mad, but I prefer that to feeling so sad.

Yes. The anger feels much more empowering than the sadness.

The high of having some control for once, may have worn off, and you may fee like a refugee, but the self control with which you pulled off the "surprise", will serve you well.

Hang in there.

I wish I had half the creativity and self control you did. I don't think Karma could have done the job nearly as well.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:16 AM, September 20th (Friday)


"This is how we move it"!


DO NOT TALK TO WH NOR OW -- It eats them alive! Trust me on this! OW was my friend and I have NEVER said a word to her once I had him served. It is the ONE thing I have power over --


The funniest thing is that you woke him up from "the fog" in an epic way, and you are gone just when he comes back to reality.

Honestly, thank God that you are gone before you had children together. On this site is a forum -- I can relate - and one of the threads is for betrayed husbands. When I read of their honesty, I realize there are really decent men out there and I am so proud of myself for suprising WH with divorce papers.

Epic!


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2330 | Registered: Jan 2012
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Love love love love it.

I could never have pulled it off, because I wouldn't have been able to pretend all was fine once I knew.....you have awesome self control. This is so good, best story ever. You win! BAHAHAHAHAHA


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
SurelyNOT
Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, September 27th (Friday)

This is such a WONDERFUL post. I really hope you are taking care of yourself, don't forget to look after #1. Your revenge was just priceless, oh to have been a fly on the wall witnessing his and her responses
I hope everything goes well on your journey, it's a bit of an uphill battle, BUT you are so capable, and so very worth it, onwards and upwards.
Thanks for making me smile, you are a pure tonic - don't ever lose your sense of humour

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Wow! You are my hero! Really I wish I had the guts to do something like this.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Wow! You are my hero! Really I wish I had the guts to do something like this.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
silverhopes
Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Hope you are doing OK, Karmita. This must be a very hard time for you right now. It sounds like you stood up for your boundaries, and that takes a lot of courage. It's OK to struggle. Everything in your life has changed, and he did a terrible thing to you and your M. It will take a long time to heal from that. We're here for you.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3921 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
3kids30years
Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Karmita -

Hows it going? I think of you often, and how amazing you are and what an asshole he is!

You doing ok?

(((Karmita)))

3k30Y


BS - mid 50's
WH - mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
TT until 9/02/13
NC broken 4/15/14
2year+ "passionate" EA/PA

Married 30+ years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day
9/14 - getting better. we


Posts: 218 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Karmita Just want you to know that we are all rooting for you. Use the anger to help you be strong through this. You will survive this, and you will be a happier stronger woman for it.

I hope you find a wonderful new apartment. This will help you to start feeling independent again.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Needadrink
Member
Member # 40512
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Purple Rose that made me laugh so much thank you I had forgotten what it was like. I have no intention of making the situation funny though as we all understand it's not, I hope you are ok Karmita you deserve an oscar.


BS 57
WH 58
M 28 yrs together 32
D Day 10th April 2013
20 Yrs of Infidelity with long term affair 18 yrs but only seen a couple of times a year. 3 Prostitutes, sexual Massages.Ongoing Porn. lapdances.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, September 30th (Monday)


Thanks again everyone for your support.

I've been reading here and my heart goes out to all of you. You're all going through so much pain and yet so many of you reached out to me with kindness and encouragement.
Even though it seems there are so many awful people in the world they are outnumbered by generous and kind people such as yourselves.

I'm doing ok...I guess. My sister is amazing...she was a member here years ago and she sent me here. I love her so much.

I filed for divorce. My soon to be ex-husband, who I now refer to as "Butt Plug" is acting like the victim, crying for himself. I hope he drowns in his crocodile tears.

He is such an *#%€¥^% ass*%#~!!

I found an apartment, will be moving in on the first of November. It's scary and exciting. I've haven't lived alone for so long.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, September 30th (Monday)

Best of luck with the apt & everything Karmita.
Your strength is an inspiration to us all.


Me: BW
Him: WH --Had 7 mo. PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R

Posts: 1459 | Registered: Dec 2012
Alex CR
Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, September 30th (Monday)

(((Karmita))) What you did took great courage.

I don't know what or where your roller coaster will take you now, but wanted to send hugs. Being so busy with your 'surprise', moving and dealing with all the new changes in your life has kept you focused on the new life you choose to build.

Whether we R or not, there seem to be stages of healing from betrayal that occur over the months after Dday. Shock, anger, overwhelming sadness.....everybody is different but some stages seem to be common for many of us. Please know you are among friends here who are always ready to listen.

Keep posting, take good care of yourself and good luck in your new home.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1724 | Registered: Mar 2010
exhausted lady
Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, September 30th (Monday)

(((Karmita)))

What you did is epic! You must have the most badass pair of bitchboots on the planet!!! (and you wear them well honey)

You're doing great. The first few weeks & months after a relationship explodes are hard. Very hard. You're gonna go up, down, and all around. Please be VERY patient with yourself, because you deserve it.

You've started taking the steps you need to take (time off to grieve, time with your sis, a new apartment) and those steps will serve you well.

Try your best to stay NC with that loser you just left in your dust. There really is nothing he can say to make things any better, right? So, why go there.

You aren't a refugee.....you're a warrior princess, and you just proved it.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)


So, I moved into my new place yesterday.

It was hard leaving my sister's place, where I been staying since I left my husband. She offered to spend the night with me....but like they say you have to rip the bandaid off.... I told her I'd be alright.

I went to bed only after I couldn't keep my eyes open. In the middle of the night I woke up and for a second I didn't know where I was. It's hard to believe that less than 6 months ago I thought I was happily married and we were planning to start a family and now I'm living in a new apartment and will be divorced in the very near future.

Today, I've got some friends over helping me paint the place. I'm going with bright colors. Yellow for the kitchen and living room and coral for the bedroom.

I bought a print that says "home is where the heart is" , and I'm putting all my heart into creating a new home for myself.



Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

Thanks for the update. I've been wondering how you're doing. It gets better.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7825 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

WTG Karmita, you've got this!!

Thanks for the update, and for being such an inspiration to many of us here.

((((Karmita))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2679 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Laura28
Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

Hi Karmita

I have been following your story and truly admire your courage.

A few years ago I wrote a post about my fantasy future if I decided to D my husband.

I planned where I would live and what I would do. I used to daydream about the wonderful new life I would have. It was one of the many strategies which kept me sane.

I hope you have dreams. I hope you continue to make plans - the decorating and painting are a wonderful start. Keep looking forward. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you but really hope you keep working on your "dream" and I hope you find peace in your new little house.

HUGS

Laura


Married 32yrs Me BW 58Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2758 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
LetMeRollIt
Member
Member # 41189
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)

MAGNIFICENT!!!!!!


D day- June 30, 2013
Me - BS
Married 15 years
5 year old child
Attempting R as of Oct. 1 2013

"Cry, and let your soul be cleansed of a love that turned to carnage." - Christy Brown


Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)


Thanks for the kind words.

Sending you all a big hug.

The place looks great. My friends are great. We ordered pizza and had a couple of beers and made fun of my loser husband.

Going to hit the sack....so tired.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
1956
Member
Member # 33045
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, November 3rd (Sunday)

I read your story and I am so proud of you girl, you are so strong and you did what was right.
You deserve all the good things in life and you will get there…….glad your happy with your new place……..now next step is getting out and enjoying life…..
say "yes" to everything and see where it leads you………….

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2011
Secrets Kept
Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)

Good for you!!!


Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
H-44
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 223 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, December 12th (Thursday)


Seasons greetings to you all.

Just want to say that I know the holidays are tough for everyone here. I'm settled in my new place and put up a Christmas tree this past weekend. I chose a spindly tree that I only paid ten dollars for. This tree is a lot like me, a bit broken and kind of sad. I decorated it and covered it in lights and I have to say I think it's the most beautiful Christmas tree ever.

Hugs to everyone and I just want to say you're all beautiful and don't forget that.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, March 10th (Monday)


It's been awhile.

I'm officially divorced.

I'm doing great. I got a promotion at work. I'm dating a cute guy.

My ex and Hauren broke up.
Too bad, because they deserved each other


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, March 10th (Monday)

I am glad you are doing well!!

Did the ex come by crying when his fantasy blew up?


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, March 10th (Monday)


Yeah...he cried.... The snot kind of crying.

I would have offered him a tissue but instead handed him a roll of toilet paper because he's full of shit.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Good girl!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, March 10th (Monday)


Thanks Karmahappens.

I am a good girl....but I'm also embracing the don't take crap side of me.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
JellyGirl84
Member
Member # 41717
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Ohhhhh this is just so epic. I have the same fighter personality as you and I wish I wouldn't have been blindsided by the A because if I had any inkling about it, I'd have gathered evidence and similarly rocked, hard core!

What was said between you and ex-Butt Plug?

[This message edited by JellyGirl84 at 9:51 PM, March 10th (Monday)]


Me: BS 30
WH: 30
No kids
Divorced in June 2014
Together 10 yrs, Married for 3 of those yrs
OP: Ho worker
Divorced June 2014

Posts: 162 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Nj
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Mr. butt plug didn't like that I divorced his sorry ass.

He should be happy I didn't fight for his lazy boy chair in the divorce.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
kayaker55
Member
Member # 41617
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Just found this post Karmita.
I am in a messy sit with my SAWH but read thru all the pages of your post and just wanna say YOU GO GIRL. You are inspiring....and amusing.
Thanks and hugs.


Me: BS 56
He: SAFWH 56
Married 34 years
SA behavior + 2 affairs. I was clueless.
Future uncertain.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Vancouver, BC
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Congratulations! So much to celebrate.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26218 | Registered: Aug 2011
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, March 10th (Monday)

Sending a big hug and raising my glass to all you sweet people.

I feel good and I just want to say that as much as we are brought down to never give up on loving ourselves,

I'm scared...but that won't stop me from facing my fears.

I chose to be happy...and I will be because I want it so bad.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
hear-me-roar
Member
Member # 17962
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, March 10th (Monday)


Karmita - I have enjoyed your divorce so much! Your story is a good laugh to say good-night on. I like the way you go through life with a humorous rumble. I'm sure with a dash of down sometimes. Peace to you.

There once was a girl called Karmita
Of the likes, there was no one as sweeta.
Bought a Butt-Plug for him
Said, the marriage will end
Adios - and I hope not to see ya


Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2008
DejaVuu
Member
Member # 34720
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

Karmanita,

Your courage, your humor, your strength ~ all give those of us out here still struggling... hope.

I hope your days ahead will be the best of your life.

I raise my glass to you!


Me: BS | Him: WS
Three amazing daughters
D-Day: Too many to post :/

It is only in our darkest hours that we may discover the true strength of the brilliant light within ourselves that can never, ever, be dimmed.
~Doe Zantamata


Posts: 83 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: CA
HurtsButImOK
Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 1:02 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

Sounds like you are doing well Karmita. You have shown incredible strength through it all.

Congrats on the divorce, hope the BF is dreamy and treats you like the special person you are.

I would have offered him a tissue but instead handed him a roll of toilet paper because he's full of shit.

^^ that made me laugh out loud . One of the best lines ever!


Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou


Posts: 756 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

I am so happy that you are charing forward and leaving the nightmare behind.

Wishing you years of the happiness you so deserve,


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Nov 2011
Lola88
Member
Member # 41540
Default  Posted: 2:52 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

Congratulations on your divorce from Butt plug, and love and good wishes for a happy and successful future!

I loved this thread - only found it after a recommendation - and I've read it right through.

Great reaction x


Posts: 127 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: UK
LivinginLimbo
Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

You are amazing!! Now that the Butt Plug has been permanently removed, I wish you all the best.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Mar 2012
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:20 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

My ex and Hauren broke up...

The HELL you say!

You mean, their oh so special looooooove wasn't forged by the heavens and the universe to last for eternity?????


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1906 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)


It's tragic that their one of a kind...most greatest love of all time is now dust.

I read their e-mails and texts and their chemistry and love was expressed with such poetic words.

Words like....

I want to suck your dick...

I love it when you suck my dick....

Shakespeare had nothing on them


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26218 | Registered: Aug 2011
brokengirl37
Member
Member # 42530
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, March 11th (Tuesday)

YOU ROCK!!!

Wishing you the best FOREVER!!


Me: 38
WH : 40
2 Boys Age 10, 13
D-Day Feb 16 2014
OW: My Co-worker

Posts: 71 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Canada
PippaPeach6
Member
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, March 14th (Friday)

(((Karmita)))

Your strength and heart are truly amazing.

And you totally rock those bitch boots!

Wishing you all the best!!


Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Reconciled

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall


Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Great to hear from you.

Congrats on your new life.

I hope you have found your happy without a man. It's great you are dating, but having your happy without one makes you a whole lot less likely to EVER put up with an ounce of that crap again.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, March 14th (Friday)

So happy you landed on your feet!

Strength and Beauty, that is what you are.

And this:

Mr. butt plug didn't like that I divorced his sorry ass.

He should be happy I didn't fight for his lazy boy chair in the divorce.

I see that your humor is still intact! You Go Miss!!!

Enjoy your cute new guy!


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1145 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Uhtred
Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, March 14th (Friday)

First time seeing this thread and all I can say is wow! What a damn fine job you did to pull all that together!


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 627 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
4everfaithful83
Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Also my first time seeing this post and all I have to say is WOW!

You are a remarkably strong woman! Such awesomeness! Love it!


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
DTERMINED2SURVIV
Member
Member # 42294
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, March 14th (Friday)

LOL...the shakespear comment!!
Thats something I would have said.




Posts: 272 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Where theres lots of southern HOEspitality
MammaMia
Member
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, March 14th (Friday)

Karmita:

Good luck to you; you deserve it.

So your ex and his dream girl broke up? Where is the love? That's why they say that secrecy is what makes affairs so exciting. once it's out in the open, they both show their real face and it is not a pretty picture.


And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 881 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

Bumped into the ex-OW at restaurant this weekend. I asked my waitress to send her a drink from me and my cute boyfriend. It was a drink called the red headed slut.

I think she got the message.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Furious1
Member
Member # 42970
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

This is the first time I have seen this post and all I can say is "Do those boots come in my size?" YOU ROCK!


BW (me): 41 WH (him): 49
Married 19 years. SD: 26 from his 1st. M. DS: 21 from 1st M. DD: 17 (autistic)
D-day: 10/4/13 with ongoing TT (last TT was 10/2/14).
2 OC with 2 different OW. 7 year EA followed by 8 year PA with my sister.

Posts: 360 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States
devasted30
Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

You continue to amaze me with your strength and wit. I am glad that things are going so well for you. Keep us informed when you can. We anxiously await your humorous posts.
Be happy.


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

Thanks ladies

I wear a size 7 bitch boots if you want to borrow them.

The red headed slut, I think wears a size ten. I pretty sure her IQ and her feet are the same size.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

You are a classy and witty woman. I suspect the symbolism of the drink went over the head of the RH S.

Be well.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3780 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

Karmita, I am dying to know who got custody of the butt-plug in the breakup. I mean, inquiring minds wish to know.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29718 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)


Well...I offered the butt plug to the OW, shit included. Even gift wrapped it for her.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, May 8th (Thursday)

Wow Karmita. I just read through this entire thread and you have made my day. What a kick ass way of dealing with your xWH.

Glad to see that you are doing so well know.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Scorned Volcano
New Member
Member # 25345
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, May 8th (Thursday)

I sort of want to know what is in the 'red headed slut' drink.

Posts: 22 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: UK
deena04
Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, May 8th (Thursday)

Now that is a new way of looking at the 180. Seriously though, I hope you are doing ok. I am proud of you and extremely envious that I never did that. Way to go!!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-N-G ME

Posts: 1237 | Registered: Dec 2013
nekonamida
Member
Member # 42956
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, May 8th (Thursday)

Just read your thread today. It was AMAZING! You're incredibly strong to end it that way and now you're reaping the benefits of your new life while your ex throws himself a pity party. Congrats and keep up the good work!

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
dontknowwhyme
Member
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, May 8th (Thursday)

You are amazing. Made my day. Good luck with cute guy. You sound like you would be a blast to hang with.


BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
D-Day3:11-3-10
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 1009 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
itainteasy
Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, May 8th (Thursday)

Stupid OW. Did she SAY anything to you when you sent her the drink?? God I hope she turned green, and slinked out.

Posts: 3425 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, May 8th (Thursday)


When I spotted the ex-ow ,( they broke up after I dumped his ass), at this restaurant I told my very nice waitress that my ex husband's trashy OW was sitting across the room and could she suggest a fitting drink I could send over to her.

Our waitress was fun and also despises cheaters and suggested the red headed slut cocktail. It's Jagermister, peach schnapps and cranberry juice.

I made sure that my name was mentioned as the red headed slut cocktail was delivered to her. Me and my cute boyfriend raised our glasses as she was presented the drink.

Poor thing....must of lost her appetite, she left shortly after.


It's a tasty drink...too bad it didn't include exlax.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
freeatlast72
Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, May 8th (Thursday)

First time reading this post!! YOU GO GIRL!!! I wish I saw this post earlier-- it would have given me some ideas


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Schadenfreude
Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

Hollywood could not have scripted this better. I have a "mind movie" of my own with the credits rolling as she leaves the bar trying to explain to her new beau why a stranger (especially another woman) sent her that aptly-named drink and raised her glass in salute.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Losconang15
Member
Member # 42544
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

AH-MA-ZING!!


Together - 14 years
Married - 7 years
DDay- Jan 15, 2014. WH had EA/PA

Hopeful reconciliation.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2014
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

Where the hell is the "like" (how about a "you're awesome") button here?

Cheers!


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5154 | Registered: May 2007
Melian40
Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

Karmita I remember you.
You're awesome.
I wish you the best of luck!


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 216 | Registered: Nov 2013
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

This thread needs a sticky, it's THAT CLASSIC!


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17715 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
deena04
Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

Honestly what was his reaction if I may ask? I saw he has called and texted you a lot! Is he shocked that you pulled it off like that? Sorry I just wish I could have seen his face and pictured how my WS would look. You rock!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-N-G ME

Posts: 1237 | Registered: Dec 2013
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, May 8th (Thursday)


Thanks everyone for your kind words and encouragement.

Coming here has helped me move forward and I appreciate and feel a connection to those of us here who are going through difficult times.

Hugs to everyone


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, June 5th (Thursday)


My ex ( Mr. butt Plug) got fired from his job. I heard, he's now living in his mother's basement.
That basement is a 1970's fake wall paneling dank shag carpeted hell hole with only two small windows. His mother, is a bingo playing hoarse voiced smoker. Her idea of dinner is ketchup sandwiches. They never got along and she must be pissed off he's mooching off her.

I know it's mean of me to enjoy the misery and bad luck he's found himself in.....scratch that ......the old me would feel bad for him,,,.the new me is laughing my head off and thoroughly enjoying his bad luck ....grin:


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, June 6th (Friday)

Personally, I like the *new* you better!

I hope you do too!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 21(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3177 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, June 6th (Friday)


Thank you 5454real, I like the new me too.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
MakingMyFuture
Member
Member # 43530
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, June 6th (Friday)

Ok, when I first posted I didn't realize there was so much to the story and this was just an update. So I'm taking off the hugs and just leaving the high fives! Reading this just my year, and I tip my hat to you!!!

Actually, throwing in a hug anyway...even warrior princesses need hugs!

[This message edited by MakingMyFuture at 1:15 AM, June 6th (Friday)]


When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

DDay 1 - 1/13, False Recovery Discovered more + Broken NC so DDay2= 7/14

9/9/14: filed for divorce

BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)
DD-10, DS-8


Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2014
TheAgonyOfIt
Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, June 6th (Friday)

Oh my goodness. Do I need you to script my leaving npd monster after close on house Dale. Just posted long long under divorce separation. If you get a chance would love some thing a la karmita! ! If only....


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Left home, job, whole life behind and difficult** adjusting. Dog injured and too much to handle. Supremely bummed out.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
TheAgonyOfIt
Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Oh my goodness. Wow. If only you could script my leaving npd monster after close on house sale. Just posted long long under divorce separation. If you get a chance would love some thing a la karmita! ! Or no worries. We all have so much on our plates. Congrats on your awesomeness.


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Left home, job, whole life behind and difficult** adjusting. Dog injured and too much to handle. Supremely bummed out.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
seethelight
Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Karmita:

I am glad you had a sister who had gone through two affairs to help you navigate this properly.

I am sorry you even have to be here.

You are one gutsy girl.


“If two people truly have feelings for one another then they don’t have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1516 | Registered: May 2014
finallymefirst
Member
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Omg... I absolutely love you. None of us deserved any of this, but how in the world could a man not cherish you!!! mind-boggling.

He has got to be SICK with regret. You are a role model. You should start a blog

I'm so happy for you.


Posts: 120 | Registered: Oct 2013
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, June 6th (Friday)


Thanks everyone for wishing me well. I appreciate your kindness.

I've got a great support system, amazing friends, and a sister who I love so much,...without her I doubt I could have worn my new bitch boots without breaking my ankles.

Also...for the poster TheAgonyOfIt, thank you for your response. I wish I could have magic words to make everything ok for you. I can only tell you what my sister said to me. "Think with your head and not with your emotions, follow through with what's best for you. Be cool, be fierce, be smart.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, June 30th (Monday)


I just bought a house. My own house. It's a fixer upper but it's mine.

While being married to "butt plug", he had made buying a house something so out of reach. I realize it was because he couldn't handle responsibility. He made my dream of a real home seem selfish of me. The thing is, he was selfish, he didn't want a real home.

Funny, I got my house and he's living in his crazy mother's basement.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Secrets Kept
Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, June 30th (Monday)

Awesome for you, Karmita!!! So happy for you!!!

Thanks for updating. I followed your story last year & think it is a good one for all newbies to read for inspiration!!!

You really do need to write a screen-play. In Shakespearian wording of course.

Congrats on your new home!!!


Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
H-44
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 223 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, July 6th (Sunday)


I've been reading here at SI, and I know I can't really help anyone with advice. We all have to get to where we need to be within our own time.

The only thing I can say, is that cheaters have downgraded the value of the person they cheat on. But if we all take a step back, we can say "no" to the downgrade that was imposed on us. Cheaters Expect you to buy into being less than.

The value we place in ourselves is not up to a cheater.

I was so scared, it has been hard, but I will not be a downgrade, I will not allow a cheater to determine my value.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Guinness23
Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, July 6th (Sunday)

Karmita -

I never saw your thread until today as I only became a member here in April. O-M-G!!! YOU KNOW YOU ROCKED!!

Your sister was right in her advice to you: think with your head and not your emotions. You did what SO MANY should do here and are emotionally powerless to do: put the trash out on the lawn and slam the door. I don't know the beginnings of your story and how you found out and how you kept it secret but your birthday surprise as many said is FREAKING PRICELESS!!! And the OSCAR GOES TO:::: KARMITA!!!

What is very, VERY awe inspiring is not only did you pull off such a wonderful job informing him, but you stood your ground and NEVER looked back to him. Sure, it was painful. Sure, in the dark at night you were probably second guessing yourself but to HIM? Full speed trash removal. You said in another thread that he is balding, has a pot belly, mouth gard and farts. NOW he lives in his mothers basement. SOME CATCH he is now!!

In all seriousness, he has fucked up his life with the butt plug as a souvenir if Hauren gave it him. For those of us as BS, we would have NEVER hurt them in a million years. This is what happens when they start to fuck up their own lives.

Good for you! You have a wonderful support system, a new home, an ex apartment that you called yours, a raise and new lease on life. KUDDOS TO YOU KARMITA!!


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 690 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
MrsRussia
New Member
Member # 43182
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, July 6th (Sunday)

OMG! I want to be just like you when I grow up!


Me 38
WH 38
Together 17 years, married 13 years
4 year old Daughter
Divorcing

Posts: 33 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: DFW
plainpain
Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, July 6th (Sunday)

I just found this thread. :) I want to say thank you for sharing your story. I chose to R with my WH, and I don't regret that, but I still have revenge fantasies and sometimes dream of a DDay "do-over". THIS is amazing. Congratulations. :)


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Jul 2013
thecosmogirl
Member
Member # 39707
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, July 6th (Sunday)

I remember this post! I never laughed so hard!

Congrats to you Karmita for staying strong and living YOUR life!!


Me: BS
Him: doesn't matter anymore...or does it...

Being very, very careful

D-day 14 June 2013


I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!


Posts: 169 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: trying to figure it out
Myname
Member
Member # 23138
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, July 6th (Sunday)

I don't know how I missed this post until now. I was literally yelling and cheering you on as I read this. LOL

I'm so glad to hear that you are doing so well.

You're the best!!!!

Oh and note to self.... Don't mess with Karmita.

[This message edited by Myname at 6:55 PM, July 6th (Sunday)]


DD: 1-14-09 EA/PA OM #1
TT: 5-11&12-09
DD#2: 5-18-09 EA OM #2
5-31-09: Told me she hasn't loved me.
No kids
Me BH: 38
12-08-10: S

Posts: 3101 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Inside your computer.
wishicouldredo
New Member
Member # 43623
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, July 7th (Monday)

Lol I love this. I wish I could've done something like this (just another shoulda!) instead of sitting stunned and paralyzed. He still would have gas lighted until the cows came home anyway. I'll live vicariously through you - brilliant!


"I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."

"Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go." - Mooji


Posts: 40 | Registered: Jun 2014
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, July 7th (Monday)


Thank you to all of the kind words from those who have taken the time to respond.

In sharing my experiences, it's about hope and courage and that as hard as life can be, we can get to a better place. It's not easy, and very hard to give ourselves what we give to someone else.

We all have the ability be our own hero.

Hugs


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 7th (Monday)

I can't believe that I never saw this, but it's an absolute SI classic in the best "SNAGGED" tradition


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21463 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
LifeIsBroken
Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, August 16th (Saturday)

Karmita, Girl, YOU know how to throw a party ! Not sure how on earth I missed reading all this when it started last fall but am glad I read it tonight. My anger didn't come until later. It would have been more advantageous for me if it had come immediately at D-Day. You ROCK !

Hope your new house is coming along; have fun with the renovation and with making it YOURS.


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 531 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, August 18th (Monday)


Hi everyone

I've settled in my new house. It's more of a fixer upper than I realized, but I love it. I'm saving, and it's a must that I get a new furnace before winter. I'm renting out the basement and that is helping with the mortgage payments.

I'm having my friends and family over for a BBQ on Labour Day. Should have the painting done by then.

Bigs hugs to everyone here at SI :


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
BtraydWife
Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, August 18th (Monday)

So glad to hear things are going well for you. That house is your own and a symbol of new starts. Congrats for knowing you deserved better and for the strength to move on when he couldn't give you what you deserved.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2417 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
brokenheartinga
New Member
Member # 41142
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, August 18th (Monday)

Just read this topic all the way through.
Karmita you are so admired by me. I wish I had
been like you back in 2009 when I had my Dday.
You just made my day. I always said that I would
be like that if I ever had a cheating husband but
I gave in and I am still in recovery since early 2010. Now I am not so sure that is what I want.
The pain just doesn't go away. just gets a little
duller with time.
If your ever in ga. We should hang out! I like
your attitude. Maybe you could teach me a few things about being a B**ch when the need arises.
LOL. Good Luck to you!


***Go with your gut***

Posts: 19 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ga
hopefulmother
Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, August 18th (Monday)

You are fantastic! I wish I came across the OW. She was a fake red head who was a coworker of my fWH. I would have loved to order her a red headed slut cocktail from my H and me. Congratulations on your new house.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 953 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
blindsided81
Member
Member # 44206
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, August 18th (Monday)

New here and I just saw this.

Have to say, "Damn! Woman you are awesome!!!!"

I am so glad things are going well for you. You give the rest of us hope!


Me, BW 51
WH, 47
OW, ttw (trailer trash whore)
DD, 7/21/14
Separated, divorcing his ass as soon as I possibly can!!

Posts: 147 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: North Carolina
Cordelia
Member
Member # 43568
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, August 18th (Monday)

So impressed!


Me 54, WS 49
17 yrs tog, no children.
DD 4/14 - OW wrote to me

Posts: 121 | Registered: May 2014
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, September 9th (Tuesday)

Karmita,

You started this thread a year ago today. I remember reading your first post and being in absolute awe of your strength and resolve. And you have paid your strength forward to so many on SI. In summary...you rock!

I think I speak for many when I say thank you...and hope you are doing well. Would love an update to see how you are doing!

Hugs!

Lala


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5154 | Registered: May 2007
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, September 12th (Friday)


Thanks Lalagirl for your lovely post.

Geez, I didn't realize it has been over over a year since i started this thread. It's weird, it feels like this past year has been the longest year of my life. So much has happened.

It feels good to be able to taste good again, to wake up in the morning and feel alive.

I still wear my bitch boots, it took me awhile to get used to walking in them..( and I haven't twisted my ankles, not even once).

Life is tough, and nothing good comes easy. I'm in debt, have a fixer upper house..... But, I've never been happier.

Cheater are soul snatchers, but I got mine back.

Hugs to all those who fight to get their soul back.


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, October 2nd (Thursday)


Yikes...my boyfriend asked me to marry him.

I said NO

I'm not ready for marriage again and I hate that I hurt his feelings

I'm too confused, I don't know if too much damage was done to me because my ex husband cheated on me and I'm a afraid to ever really trust again or if I'm being practical?

It's taken so much out of me to feel independent again, to feel good about the here and now. I just want to live day by day, to appreciate and enjoy everyday. I can't live more than one day at a time.

I'm single again, but this time I'm just sad but not falling apart like when I left my cheating husband.

It's weird but I like being reliant on just myself. For too long I felt I couldn't be someone without someone.

smh.....



Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
pearlharbr
New Member
Member # 38072
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, October 2nd (Thursday)

Karmita, love you and your bitch boots.

It has been a long and eventful year for you. Did you ever see an IC? Perhaps it's time now to sort through your feelings on commitment. At least you'll know what you feel about it and why.

If you decide that you want to remain single forever, more power to you. If you decide that you'll be ready for another long-term commitment, more power to you.


Me: BSO, 40 / Him: WSO, 40
Together since 2000
DDay: 11/08 A with COW
Reconciled, Married 12/11

Posts: 47 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: PacNW
fourever
Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, October 2nd (Thursday)

Karmita,
You are everyone's hero. That being said,
After what you and all of us have been through, I think we find a new part of ourself. It takes a while to get to know that new person.
Don't feel badly that you said "no". If he's any kind of great guy, he will understand your need to wait for a while. I'm guessing that he is.
Take your time, In the scheme of things, a year is a very short time. You'll know when you know. Trust you.
Best!
Fourever


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 895 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, October 3rd (Friday)


Thanks for the good advice,

I'm not as far along as I thought I was. I'm still struggling with trust issues, I made an appointment to see my therapist again.

Infidelity, is a crap gift that keeps on giving,


Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
Rocnurse1021
New Member
Member # 45093
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, October 3rd (Friday)

Your original post is awesome!!! Wtg!!

Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2014
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, October 16th (Thursday)

I made an appointment to see my therapist again.

Good for you, sweetie.

I am glad you said no to M right now. IMHO, it is too soon. Keep taking care of you, the rest will fall into place in its own good time.

hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5154 | Registered: May 2007
Topic Posts: 182