SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Still can't get over it..!!???!!..
Lostly88
New Member
Member # 40387
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, September 10th (Tuesday)

I just can't seem to stop thinking about the A
It's starting to make me think different of him even more so that we are having unprotected sex not trying to have a baby but if were to happen we'd handle, I mean we've talked about making a family and moving froward together. I just can't help but to dread " what if I get pregnant and he cheats" (again) I would never be able to come back from that I can bearly do it now and I wasn't an inaccent party.
If I feel like this I wonder if he feel the same.
I've been doing really good since I join this site but I had to stop reading for awhile cause I was getting to emotionally involved with some of the post and carrying it with me. I've been on all sides the OW the BS and the cheater. I want NOTHING to do with all of those. But I know all sides as the OW you always lose because he just want a pice of ass(sorry but ture) hell never love you like u want(loser) As the cheater the at the time my head was up my ass its that stupid saying you don't what you till it's gone. But you have a mind to enjoy what's going on cause your selfish and disrespectful of the S feelings. But when it done guilt always comes always. And the worst is the BS that sux the most it world shattering. I can't explain but it's like losing the war of love by default do to to you being an worthy opponent. No matter how prepared you are.
But back to my point I'm feeling a strange way about us I have feelings but he shows no signs I go thru his phone and he know and says nothing our sex is good (last night was the first time I didn't want sex) he's more attentive. Idk what it is??????
But can someone give me words to help cause I love this man and we did each other wrong but I seem to not be able to let it go and I need to in order to move froward...... Or maybe it's too much and I just need to move on.


Me_26 EA _ 1 1/2 years ago
Him_24 PA _ 1 year into relationship
Together 5 years
D-day_April 2013 (not sure what day)
May all the pain and sorrow be lifted by the rays of clarity and happiness warm out hearts. 💏

Posts: 10 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: California
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Lostly,

It appears that your dday(s) are only a few short months ago.

Mine was more than 20 months ago and I still think about the A. I'm sure this is normal and I understand it is not much fun.

On the positive side, you and your H are now being honest with each other and are trying to rebuild a new, real relationship together.

Understand that you will have to work through the pain and the fears as well as learning about each other again, for quite some time.

In my opinion, though, this is not the best time to consider bringing a child into your family. When a baby comes along, many things will change. Mostly, these changes can be wonderful and I hope that you will both have that joy when you feel sure of your relationship without fears or doubts.

Now is the time to concentrate on the two of you, while it is just the two of you. It can be a time that you will cherish and be glad that you had the time and opportunity before you move on to the next phase in your marriage, if it is meant to be.

I will respectfully suggest that you wait awhile longer before having unprotected sex.

I promise you, you will be glad you waited.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 774 | Registered: Feb 2012
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Hi Lostly88 - Gently, I was wondering if perhaps you might want to hold off on bringing a child into the equation until you and your husband have worked through more of your issues together? You really aren't that far out from d-day, and adding a child to the equation could possibly complicate things even more emotionally and stress-wise between the two of you.

I do believe that with the proper healing and actions, you can both get through this, and there is a good chance for reconciliation. Are you currently in counseling together? How is the communication between the two of you?

Take care.


Posts: 7236 | Registered: Dec 2010
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Will he cheat again? There's no telling, however if he works on finding out why he did this, the next time he'll be able to recognize the signs. If he really loves you, he'll understand the signs and be a better informed person to make the right choice this time. Temptation is always there, but what we do with it makes a difference.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Oh Lostly, your Ddays are very recent. While you know you want to stay and work things out, you are a long way from being healed. It takes time, and a lot of work from both of you to recover from this. This isn't something that just happens, it's real, and it is a broken part of yourselves, your M, and needs to be figured out.

I would strongly encourage you to get a lot further out from things before you start considering having kids. You are no where near being able to trust blindly again, and having a baby will complicate things. Take this time to really focus on yourselves and each other to really figure out the why's of what you and he both did.

Keep reading here, in the library, profiles, in the I can relate for madhatters, and keep asking questions.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8598 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Lostly88
New Member
Member # 40387
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

Thanks to all of you for your words I'm going to have a talk with him and let him in on how I'm feeling. About everything and see where we head from there......... Hoping for the best


Me_26 EA _ 1 1/2 years ago
Him_24 PA _ 1 year into relationship
Together 5 years
D-day_April 2013 (not sure what day)
May all the pain and sorrow be lifted by the rays of clarity and happiness warm out hearts. 💏

Posts: 10 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: California
Simple
Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

It's still new. Even at 2 months or 1 year, that's nothing. Give yourselves some time. We can't hurry healing. It requires time and lots of hard work on both parts.

It does help to look at what each other has done to make things better for the relationship. That way you're looking at things logically instead of emotionally.

Hugs your way.

[This message edited by Simple at 6:35 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)]


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, September 10th (Tuesday)

It may be late to lock the stable, but GET BOTH OF YOU TESTED FOR STDs! Tomorrow, unless you can get tested tonight.

Stop having unprotected sex until you both test clear. Seriously. Getting tested sucks, but it's better than carrying an infection around.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 8