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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: 2 year mark
self-rescuer
Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I've not posted in months but this Sunday is the 2nd anniversary of my d-day.

Unexpectedly, I am having a dreadful time. All the progress, all the effort, all the healing seems a crazy and cruel waste of time.

This has caught me by surprise and I am spinning and so very sad.

Empty.


BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe


Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry. The healing and all the work you've done thus far is not a waste of time. This is just a set back.

Triggers can come out of the blue and anniversaries can be very hard. Hell, a certain way the wind blows through the trees or a particular food or song could serve as a trigger for me sometimes. It doesn't mean you're back to square one. No matter how bad the set back gets, you will never be in that dark place that you were two years ago.

I think it's impossible for us to move through life without ever having another set back or crying jag. It's a trauma and one that will, in some way or another, always be there.

Regardless, the main thing to remember is that it does not matter how many times you fall. We've all stumbled and tumbled down those hills on this shitty journey. What's important is that you get back up. Go as slow as you need, but the goal is to stand back up.

Two years is not that long of a time and your D hasn't even been final for a year. Give yourself a break. You'll get there.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2842 | Registered: Jan 2011
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Keep breathing, honey. I just passed my 2nd antiversary a few weeks ago. It is ok to be spinning. It's ok to be sad. Know that you have NOT lost any ground. The healing you have done, the progress you have made - it's still there, self-rescuer. When you resurface after the antiversary passes, you'll find solid ground again.

Until then, just breathe. ((((self-rescuer))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25776 | Registered: Aug 2011
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

((((self-rescuer))))

I've missed you!
You are allowed to be sad, that does not negate your healing.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4687 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

The healing and all the work you've done thus far is not a waste of time.

I agree! Not a waste of time! Instead, look at this as a time for reflection. Where there's pain there's a lesson. Pause and be proud of what you've accomplished, even if you haven't come as far as you thought you should. (I'm struggling with that right now myself)


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9829 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
self-rescuer
Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

Wow - how wonderful to hear from trusted SI friends. Thank you for the encouragement and love.

This site - it continues to save my life.


BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe


Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
Topic Posts: 6