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User Topic: Feeling lost and hurt even more
brokenhearted76
Member
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Since my last post I had thought things were getting better. Wh seemed to finally be getting it and was trying. Or so I thought. I still had a gut feeling something was off. So I snooped. He had contacted his "friend" from netlog of course whining to her about me checking up on him and told her he had to delete netlog but they could still email each other. Then it went from bad to worse. He left his phone and I checked his browser history. Ugh! Found a new site called true cheaters.com I felt sick! Also proof in his history where he has been having Facebook conversations with several womeni know and then deleting them. Felt even more sick. Then he doesn't know that while he was on his phone on Facebook that I logged into his account on mine and was watching his messages. First was to a female friend of ours him telling her he wanted to see her. Then he deleted them.Last night he was messaging an ex of his who is getting divorced. He asked her if he was single would she take him back. She said no. Then he tells her not to tell me he asked cause I would getad and tell him he has to get out. She said she wouldn't tell me he asked. He had no idea I was seeing these messages. He told he was going to bed and then deleted the messages. Then he tried to come to bed and cuddle with me! What the hell!?! I confronted him about the true cheaters.com he said he just wanted to see what it was but he didn't sign up. Well good for him..he never should have even went to it!!!! I'm so lost. He's whining to these other women..and still deleting and hiding stuff from me!


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Wow...hugs to you. I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. He needs a reality check.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1211 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
StruckNumb
Member
Member # 38973
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Whoa...He's doing a lot of work trying desperately to cheat. You have to ask yourself if there even is a marriage left to save. I'm sorry but he's acting like a frat boy and like he doesn't want a marriage. 180 him. He's not to be trusted to even tell you what he wants.


me-BW-51
f?WH - 49
m27 yrs, T 28, no kids
OW-WH's former CW, friends + 20yr
DDay-11/16/12, LT EA, 4y? PA, manymany
EA with FFriends over the years
Attempting R
Is there an end to blindness in sight?

Posts: 76 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: N.California
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Sweetie, he's still actively cheating on you. Maybe not physically at the moment, but he would if he had a willing party. He is no where NEAR getting it.

Did you screen shot those chats? Print them, save them somewhere safe. If you didn't, the next time you catch him, do it.

I too have to wonder, is this salvageable at this stage. It goes so far beyond deleting and hiding stuff, you know that right?


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
brokenhearted76
Member
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Been doing 180 the best I can. Its just so hard to get through each day. Dealing with the kids needs and trying to remember to breathe and eat myself. Maybe I'm more stupid than I thought. I'm still finding myself afraid of his reaction to my pain. I've spent my life always trying to keep everyone else happy. I am smart enough to know that a lot of what I deal with from him is mental and emotional abuse. I just don't know what I've done to deserve this. I have told him to leave. He cries and begs and promises changes. I have told him if he wants to act like a single man then to leave. He says he wants me and our kids. Then I find the deleted stuff and the messages I do see. I've told him he broke our vows. I told him he lied in front of everyone in a church! Our anniversary is next month..I don't want to acknowledge it. I just want to curl up in a lil ball and disappear. I'm so tired of not being good enough. Ugh..tears are back.


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
brokenhearted76
Member
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I know it goes beyond what I know. I know it in my heart my head and my stomach. I am trying to get as much evidence as I can. Our state doesn't recognize infidelity in divorce. All they do is "irreconcilable differences" they do not do spousal support either. I know he is seeking his next affair partner..or at the least throwing it out that he's interested in an affair. The women he flirts with are not available for full time as they either have husbands or boyfriends. But I also know the women have cheated before to. The ex he is talking to is one he cheated with early on. Ugh..I know how hopeless this is.


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
Morhurt
Member
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Oh brokenhearted, I am so sorry. How devastating. You are in my thoughts. :(


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 883 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 7