SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: I miss my BW
noglamour
Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I see my BW almost every day, I pick up our son from school and drop him off at home.
I'm living at our business for the next couple months until I rent a place.

It has been a little over a month from dday and I'm missing my wife today.

Anytime I tell her how I feel she says its not about me. She is right, but im hurting too.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
1DumbHusband
Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

I feel for you NG. It's not about us as WS, but that doesn't mean we're not entitled to our feelings or emotions. Never let a chance go by without telling your BS how remorseful you are and show her with your actions. At least you get to see your son and you will get some small opportunities to show your BS how you are working on yourself! Sending courage and strength your way.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
noglamour
Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

Thank you for your reply. When I do see her, sometimes we talk a little and I tell her I'm sorry for what I have done and the pain I caused.

I'm going to IC and I'm also meeting with an addiction counselor.

It's great being to see my son almost every day.

How are you currently working yourself? DO you and your BS live together?


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

NG,

I understand how this feels. Hlessons and I were S when I cheated and he didn't say it was ok for me to come home for 5 mo. It was really hard, I missed him. I would spend the weekends with him that he was ok with it, then going back to where I was living was so hard. One of the first lessons I learned was accepting that as a consequence to my decision. But I understand the pain, and the loneliness, and I missed my kids too. It really sucked. I would never want to go back to that time.

I also learned how to be ok with me and to be patient.

I am sorry you are hurting right now.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4759 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
1DumbHusband
Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)

How are you currently working yourself? DO you and your BS live together?

A lot of my work is on SI and talking with people right now. Can't afford the IC for the time being. Talking with people on SI (the right people) has been extremely helpful. On top of that, I'm reading books and trying to evaluate myself and my actions. I'm looking at my triggers and causes for my behavior and evaluating how the chain could have been broken and using that moving forward. Well, for the time being, my wonderful BS and I are still under the same roof. However, that can change at any moment. It would be extremely tough if either one of us left and I hope and pray that day never comes. But I will accept the consequences if That is what my loving BS needs to heal.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
noglamour
Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

accepting the consequence, that is hard to wrap my mind around.
Accepting it and moving on with life.

How do you truly accept it?


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
1bigidiot79
Member
Member # 40557
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

I am struggling with this as well. Wish I had some advice but I am searching just like you are.

I don't know how to be patient when I love her so much and just want to help her any way I can. I feel like it's been an eternity and it's only been 2 months. I don't know how to handle the way I feel right now. The anxiety, the pain I feel because I know I hurt her etc.

I do accept the consequences of my actions but I am struggling with them. I know, poor pitiful me. I am trying to do everything I can for my wife and take the advice of all the folks here, the books I've read, my IC etc but so far it's not working. Patience is hard.


DDay 7/23/13
TT on 3/5/14 - Finally came completely clean
Finally working on making real changes in my life, one day at a time.

Posts: 164 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
noglamour
Member
Member # 40380
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

bigidiot,
yeah i know what ya mean. its hard being patient.

I want to help her too, but she insists on doing stuff herself without my help.

She thinks its a control thing. since you are 2 months out, i will have to just expect this more time to come.


Me: WS 38
Her: BS 37
6 year old
Married 9 years, together 11
DDay: 7/29/13

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2013
1DumbHusband
Member
Member # 40239
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

How do you truly accept it?

I don't know that you truly can accept it. Some days it's a lot harder than others to accept what I've done. For me, it's accepting my faults and continuing to do the work in the hopes my beautiful BS sees my efforts and starts to see a change in me. It takes time and a lot of work on yourself. I'm still learning about it myself.


Me: FWH 34
Her: 31 and deserving much better than I've given her (CCW82)
Married 4 years, together 6 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Dallas
badchoice
Member
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, September 12th (Thursday)

How do you truly accept it?

I have some success, some failures with this.

I think when I try to avoid looking at it, get angry, shut down emotions and feelings, that is when I am not accepting it.

When I can really sit with it, just feel the loss, feel the pain, feel the emotion, I can start to accept it.

I wish you luck.

[This message edited by badchoice at 11:49 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D


Posts: 725 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
Topic Posts: 10